toothless grin ; sage day 1

"Why are you so slimy?" I'm almost glad Izzy isn't around to hear the way that comes out as a high-pitched whine.

The creature has worn a damp spot on the hem of my jeans from where it's been gnawing on my calf. There's a low growl rumbling in its chest, fishy little face contorted into utter discontent. I think he's trying to kill me, but he also doesn't have any teeth.

Needed a second to myself and I couldn't even have that. I scoop up a handful of snow and hurl it into the inky curtain of fog. Temper tantrums burn like the tips of my fingers, an immediate regret. Cold reaches bone here, the danger ever present. I waste my life willingly. "I wanna go home!"

I tell the shadow, I lend it my secrets. I take fingers on the verge of frostbite and bury them in the snow again. It hurts, but there's a catharsis in it. This fate didn't feel real until I was falling from the second story, desperate to find skin where my knife could fit.

Thought I was really going to die. Then and there.

Not something I think I can do with grace.

I sink to my knees, ignoring the way the fish whines when I remove my leg from its maw. It starts ramming it's head against my back in protest, as I bury my face in my knees and cry a little now that eyes aren't on me.

They all already know I'm weak but I don't want to give them the satisfaction.

I don't know how long I sit there, contemplating this stupid artificial void, but the fish stops hitting me a some point. Instead he worms his way between my chest and my knees, gurgling at me with its open mouth.

It still looks angry, but there's a softness to it.

"What? Not gonna let me mope?" I try to shove him aside, but he remains in my lap. Stubborn. He opens his mouth wider, "What do you-"

He catches my hand between his jaws and begins to chew.

"Fuck my life."

I say through half a smile.