Broken Clock (Marik 96th Reactions)

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Cato
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3,003 POSTS
last seen Nov 21, 2024 14:41:56 GMT -5

I wish Cato didnt die

Broken Clock (Marik 96th Reactions) Mar 19, 2024 13:10:50 GMT -5

Post by Cato on Mar 19, 2024 13:10:50 GMT -5

Watching the games from a victor's point of view is rough. It's hard to sleep, hard to focus, hard to do anything, and sometimes I forget to eat. I just want Juno and Xov to be okay. I want them to succeed, yet it feels so difficult because I'm so far away. But I also have my eyes on a few others. One of them is Vali from district seven. Last year, a Forrester made it to the finale, I fought him, he was a brave opponent, but I'm not sorry for what I did. I don't know much of being a mentor. I just hope I can do enough to bring one of them home. When the bloodbath started, I watched frantically, and even panicked a bit when one person died, but I was happy knowing it wasn't someone I was sort of invested in. Day two went by, and nobody died. Day three went by, again, nobody died. It has me worried because I know what the gamemakers can do, and I know they're not going to take it lightly.

I woke up early to watch the fourth day. Most of my time is spent pacing around as the cameras keep switching between fights. In one of them, I notice Juno is being heavily targeted, and I'm just hoping that he can somehow make it through. I know at least one of him or Xov has to die, but not yet. Not right now. And then it switches back to another fight as a cannon sounds, and I watch Hal stab someone from ten in the neck. My eyes are wide, and I can't do anything at the moment. I want to scream, yet I know it's not enough to do anything worthwhile. I know that it doesn't matter because I can't feel anything for Jericho. I can't mourn them. It's not my place. But as I'm about to look away, I watch as Vali's head goes rolling across the ground and she falls. I take a deep breath unsure of what to do from here. It's so many mixed emotions, but they weren't too happy with me. Maybe now the Forresters can focus on Rhys and not me.

And then everyone goes their own way for the night, and the two are still alive. They've made it through another day, and it's terrifying because I know this isn't nearly enough deaths. I know things are likely to change, to feel unforgettable and broken. It's the first time I've let myself sleep, but I wake up early because I know how much it's needed. I grab a cup of water and watch from my room. I don't want to be outside or with anyone. It's too crowded, and I'm not sure what will happen, but even with the seven cannons yesterday, it's still making me incredibly anxious. The Capitol will grow bored - they need to do something to make sure this all works out. They can't have their beloved citizens bored of the show they've created, and as of now, people are still not fully convinced the games will have a fun ending. Not that it matters. And it shouldn't, but I just want to bring a tribute home to twelve alive. I want them to thrive, but how can I help just one?

I sit down, and just as I'm about to eat some breakfast, a screen comes to life, and I'm watching Juno and Xov battling it out with another alliance. I watch the attacks go back and forth, and for a moment, I'm not sure what will happen, but then a cannon sounds, and I notice it's Juno lying on the ground. My heart sinks into my stomach, and I can feel tears starting to form in my eyes, but I blink them away. "Ouch!" The glass I'm holding falls from my hands and shards go flying everywhere. I don't know when it broke, but the answer is simple. I crushed it in my hand because my hand is bleeding, and I try to quickly fix everything and put it all away. But I can't help but focus on Juno, and I know I'll have to face his family eventually. For now, I can't lose focus. I have to help Xov as much as I can. I have to figure out how to honor Juno while trying to figure everything out. I won the games, but I don't think I can win again.

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Last Edit: Apr 24, 2024 1:27:35 GMT -5 by Cato

Cato
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3,003 POSTS
last seen Nov 21, 2024 14:41:56 GMT -5

I wish Cato didnt die

Broken Clock (Marik 96th Reactions) Apr 9, 2024 23:05:11 GMT -5

Post by Cato on Apr 9, 2024 23:05:11 GMT -5

It's been a long week. Every day, my eyes are glued to the screen watching play by play actions as I hope for a miracle. Xov is still alive, she's still fighting, and I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to get too attached and hopeful just to have my heart broken. The games can lead to devastation - what are the odds of bringing home a victor after I just won myself? What will happen if she makes it? It doesn't matter. I want to see her survive. I want to see her make it home, and I want to help her the best that I can. I never thought I'd see a tribute from home make it this far especially after I just won the games myself. It's tough, and I hope she can do it. I must figure out what to do and where to go from here, but I can't help but feel so alone. I just hope Xov doesn't feel alone. But she's definitely not alone.

I've been watching her, and I haven't seen Nico in days, and I could really use some advice on how to handle what will happen if Xov dies. I'm not ready for that to happen, and I hope it doesn't happen. And if she survives, I'm going to be a friend to her because I don't think I have any friends of my own. I'm destined to be alone forever, and it sucks. It's hard being here and feeling like nobody wants to even chat to me and be around me. It's hard to focus, but I know I have to remain strong and keep my cool for Xov. She's made it to the final four. She has a huge chance of winning, and I'm so afraid that I'm getting my hopes up for nothing. I just have to keep trying. I have to keep offering her the things she needs, and it seems that things have run dry. I've done the best I could, and I just hope it's enough.

I take a breath as I pace around the district twelve floor. My entire mind is racing as I try to keep myself occupied, and the camera picks up where she's fighting, and I try to not pay much attention, yet I can't look away. I watch her every movement, and I don't know what I'm expecting. And then I watch Axyl fall, and I don't know what to do, but the cannon sounds, and Xov is nearly there. She's almost out of this mess. She's relatively far away from the other two, and maybe she can heal up enough to give herself a fighting chance. Everything could easily fall apart. I want to scream and run around. I want to find Nico, but I don't know where he is.

Maybe Geiger Telemachus can help. Maybe he can provide me with the information that's needed. I know that relying on him wouldn't be ideal. But he might be more of a friend to me than anyone else here if I can even think of him as a friend. I don't know what else to do. I don't know where to go. I feel so alone, and I hope that Xov doesn't feel like she's been abandoned. I hope she knows I'm trying. I know the final fight is the hardest. It's the toughest because it's the end of it all, and while nobody wants to die, this is the fight that proves it. Now I watch the other fight that's going on. I watch the two of them battling it out. Who will she fight? Will she even stand a chance? I'm going to go find Telemachus and see if there's any advice he might have. Maybe learn more from a gamemaker perspective. Of course, it's not up to the gamemakers now. It's down to the tributes to fight for their lives. I just hope and pray with everything I have in me that Xov survives. It might not happen, and I don't want to get too hopeful. It's hard not to, though.

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Cato
Librarian

3,003 POSTS
last seen Nov 21, 2024 14:41:56 GMT -5

I wish Cato didnt die

Broken Clock (Marik 96th Reactions) Apr 24, 2024 1:27:12 GMT -5

Post by Cato on Apr 24, 2024 1:27:12 GMT -5

It's hard, standing here in the Capitol watching Xov fight her way through the end of the games. I'm proud of her, I want her to succeed, and I'm hoping that she can. I'm hoping that she somehow survives and makes it home alive, yet everything seems to come crashing down when I feel this way. I hate that I have hope. I hate that I feel myself on edge, and I know that the heartbreak is going to hurt if she doesn't survive. It's hard, and I try not to think of it, but here she is, she's fighting hard, and no matter what happens, I'm so proud of her. I'm proud of how well she's done, how well she's fought, and I want to be able to tell her this. I want to be able to see her and give her a hug. Sometimes I think it's wrong to root for someone to die, but that's the nature of the games, and even though I hate watching death, it's inevitable, and I'm going to cheer for my tribute. District twelve is holding their breath, and I just want them to know I'm holding my breath with them.

But I'm scared. Scared of being hopeful, of being so powerless. It's really up to her to make it out of this at this point, and all I can do is stand here and watch. My mind is racing, and I want nothing more than for this all to end, to see Xov come out victorious, but it hurts. It hurts knowing that I've been in her shoes, I know how hard it is to make it this far in the games. I had to will myself on, to prove to myself that I'm strong, and it didn't even feel like it was enough. Nothing is ever enough, and I hate everything about it. I keep my fingers crossed though. I keep hope that this will turn out in my favor. I pace around the room, and I try to keep myself mind focused. There's nothing I can do. There's nothing I can do, and it's hard to wrap my head around it. I just want to scream. I want to make things right, to make things happen. I want to see her wake up in the infirmary and start healing. I've worked so hard to get this far, but it doesn't seem like it's going to work out. I'm scared. I want to scream, but that won't do any good.

And then I realize she doesn't kill, and my heart sinks to my feet. I know what's likely going to happen, and now I want nothing more than to wake up from a bad dream. I keep my eyes on the screen hoping and praying for the best, but it doesn't seem as though it's going to work. And then I close my eyes, and I hear a cannon, and I open my eyes peaking through my fingers, and it's not her that's still standing. I drop to my knees, and I try to hold myself together, yet the tears start flowing. I truly believed I would bring someone home. I thought I'd only have to apologize to one family for not doing enough, and now I have to apologize to two. My heart shatters, and I wonder if it'll feel this way every single year. Nothing matters. Nothing makes sense, and I try picking up the pieces. I feel so alone, so afraid, so broken. I thought I'd bring home a victor, and it was stupid of me to feel this way. The games get people hopeful just to pull the rug away.

I slowly pick myself back up, and I head back to my room. I have to start getting ready to go home. I have to start doing what needs to be done to make my journey easier, but it's not going to be easy. Maybe I should get used to this because it's likely going to happen every single year, and I absolutely hate it. Maybe this is the reminder that I'm still stuck inside the games despite wearing a crown. Maybe this is where I fall short. I don't know. I'll never know, and maybe one day, I'll figure it all out. I grab a glass and fill it with water as I slowly make my way to my room, and then I pace around inside before screaming in agony. I thought I would succeed, and I was foolish to think so. I know I shouldn't beat myself up, but it's hard not to. I tried my best, and it wasn't enough. Maybe her family will forgive me because I'll struggle to forgive myself. Maybe in time, but for now, I don't want to do anything except mourn before I have a chance to meet with Lionel and congratulate him on surviving.

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