girls chase boys chase girls | october & lain

o c t o b e r      r h a p s o d y      f r a y

o c t o b e r      r h a p s o d y      f r a y

i swear i don't know this boy; the more i stare at his angular features, the more i am convinced that i if i had spoke to him before, i would know. and yet, the way he is looking at me gives me the sense that he is harbouring a vendetta more specific than simply the competition of a district partner. i conclude that he must have some sort of grudge against my family. this is not necessarily uncommon. as supporters of the capitol in the rebellion, there are those who took the other side, those that hold something against us for our role in the whole ordeal. they are petty, only mad because we chose to back the winning horse in the race. it wasn't personal, only a business decision guided by our own best interests. daddy was always smart with his coin. if leon is blaming me for what happened in the past - me, an infant of the rebellion, hardly the mastermind behind any political decisions or allegiances - then he is a very stupid boy indeed. 

"-lain," he interrupts my thoughts, correcting me. i was pretty close. i shrug. he looks livid. i am a little afraid of him, if i am honest. he is much bigger than me, at least a full foot taller than me, maybe more, and has several years on me, too. it's a very one-sided fued, and not one that i want to be part of. i resolve to try and soothe his insecure heart, get him on my side. 

"you aren't the cinderella, belle of the ball girl in here. no line of boys waiting outside to offer you a glass slipper," i blink at him again. i am spending a lot of this conversation on the back foot, with absolutely no idea what is going on. i dislike the feeling of it. i try desperately to piece together what he is saying - boys? who brought boys into this? i haven't spared a single thought for a boy - other than trying to understand him - since the moment i was reaped. i have been thinking exclusively about me, as i do most of the time.

i open my mouth to respond, although i'm not sure exactly what i intend to say. i am saved from the trouble as he continues: "fray... mendoza... whatever our victor lady's first name is. all the same in here." now, he has brought delia into it. i look around the train carriage, as though there may be a clue somewhere on the walls. part of me hopes she is standing right behind me in the doorway. i think she would talk some sense into him. unfortunately, we are alone, bar the silent peacekeepers flanking the carriage, always watching.

"i do wonder if you could makeout your way to winning, though. that would be a clever strategy for some wimp desperate enough for a random girl's affection." 

i look at him, perplexed. 

"you're going to have to spell it out for me, i'm afraid. you've lost me completely, but i'd love to know, so that we can move past it. we're district partners, after all." i use all of my acting skills to resist the urge to bite back at him. i push the princess comments out of my mind. i am not unused to being overlooked, belittled, assumed that my talents aren't real just because my family has money and i have a pretty face and everybody likes me. perhaps i can get lain to see past all of that, if i can just figure out what the problem is. maybe then, he will like me, too. 

i wrack my brains for any possible way i could have wronged him. i come up short. i am nice to everyone. that is my whole brand. i am exasperated. 

"so what's the problem, lain? did i kiss your boyfriend in the seventh grade, or something?"