kill your darlings (andromache and eulalie)
Sept 25, 2024 4:55:22 GMT -5
Post by florentine, d4b ❁ on Sept 25, 2024 4:55:22 GMT -5
florentine.
it took me a couple of days to figure out who the worst of them were.
it doesn't take long, though, for the flashiest people to show themselves. they can't help it, can't keep the bright light of their brilliance from escaping their tight hold on it. they leave sticky handprints everywhere, like a breadcrumb trail. if you follow it, it leads you directly to whoever has spent the most time admiring themselves in the bathroom mirror.
while we eat dinner, i keep on eye on who knows which fork is for which course. i choke down every bite, trying not to think about the street kids at home, fishing through the garbage in the hope of a discarded muffin. at night, i sleep in sheets so smooth and sleek they almost cease to exist. there are fifteen different types of lotion in the shower. i use every single one methodically, trying to ascertain the point. i do not find one, but i can try again in the morning.
these are the people who do not look behind them when they walk through a door to check if anybody is following them through. they take more than their fair share because they assume that every commodity is limitless (and, certainly, as far as i can tell, that is true about the capitol). i catch them forgetting that the tributes from ten and eleven and twelve are even people at all. they exist in the liminal space between reality and delusion. they make me sick. i choose them.
by the third day, i have decided. pearl, of course, is the worst of them, but she is useless to me, because there is nothing i could do to make her trust me. i need them to believe i'm really on their team. that's the only way it will work. i am confident; i have been doing this since i was eight years old - it's just a matter of acting like you belong, looking down your nose at people, and, occasionally, pretending to be familiar with how exactly people measure the height of horses.
next, invariably, are the district one girls. they are reflections of myself, distorted, twisted, with all the confidence and none of the self-awareness. i swear to god i can see their thoughts running across the back of their pretty skulls.
my chance arrives in between practice jousts. i throw myself down on the bench between them, trying to look exasperated. we watch a couple of middle-district kids battle it out for a few minutes, and then i sigh and roll my eyes dramatically, turn to my left, where eulalie sits, and my right, where andromache looks bored out of her mind.
"i didn't expect the difference to be so obvious," i whisper, referencing the evidently untrained opponents before us. "do you think they're embarrassed?"
i make a show of looking around to see if anybody else is watching. nobody is, but i keep my voice low, as though i am letting the two district one girls into a secret.
"i was thinking of getting out of here and doing some real training. you know, with people who actually know what they're doing."
my career-girl costume feels comfortable and familiar. it feels like home. it's almost nice to see that the scum of the earth have exactly the same distasteful expression, whichever corner of panem they come from.
i smile conspiratorially at my new favourite victims. "you guys in?"