gold. // jasper.

Fingers run through my hair, down my cheek, against my teeth- periwinkle nail polish glossy on my tongue. She laughs, bites her lower lip, flips her hair in a way that drives me crazy. "I said," she's whispering right against my ear. I feel the hushed laugh before I can even hear it- "Say it." Fingers drifting down further, further- my neck, my collarbone, my chest.

"Or else."

Further, further.

I smile.

Or else? Yeah, right.

More hands moving now, my hands, bigger but not much, closing around hers.

"Say it, Jasper."

She's so close I can't see her face, but I know it's make or break in the moment. She really needs to hear it, even if-

"I love you."

I don't mean it.

The laugh is full of relief. It isn't the first of its kind I've heard. I smile when she pulls back enough to see, her eyes on mine. Looking for the truth, seeing it where there is none. Smiling- she's so fucking pretty when she smiles. Does that make it worth it? Lips on mine, I come back for breath when I hear the first noise- "Wait." I listen, she pays it no mind. (Someone is yelling downstairs.) I try to make out the source of the voice, can't with the sounds of her kissing down my neck. I casually remove her from my lap to stand, make my way over to the door so I can hear better. Is that-?

Mom. Of course it is. Which means-

Footsteps, quick, too fast. My sister huffs as she passes my closed door, and I don't even need to open it to see how she probably looks: red-faced, hands balled into fists. She gets so many veins in her forehead when she's mad; I used to mock her for it when we'd argue over tv time.

"What is it, Jas?" The girl asks in a hushed tone- I was clear about the rules before I snuck her in my room through the back door thirty minutes ago. I hold up a hand to silence her, not bothering to look her way. Someone else is coming- please not Mom, please not Mom. Not when it's Jade, and not when it's this. When it's Mom trying to fix things, Jade makes it a point to break something new.

It's not Mom, though. The steps are too long, too quiet, too used to being places they promised not to be.

"Everything okay?"

I don't have the chance to answer before there's a knock at the door.

"Closet. Go!" I order, rushing all the way back to my bed practically in a single bound, quickly shoving the layers of clothing we'd been in the process of shedding into her arms as I escort her to the open door of my closet. She protests at my speed- "Jesus Mary and fucking Ripred, Jasper!" She grunts just as I close the door behind me. I barely have time to make it back to my bed before the door opens.

"Son? You up?"

For a moment, I consider letting that be the narrative. Kellan would've gone with it; far be it from him to have any interest in prolonging a fatherly interaction that isn't just recycled information he's gotten from Pyrite on his way in. For the longest time, back when I was at the truest peak of my hatred for my parents, I used to pretend to be asleep each and every time one of them came in to check on me.

He knows better, though.

I guess I do, too.

I'm supposed to be the good kid. I'm simply the better liar. So I choose when to use my power- too much makes it lose its luster.

"Who started it?" I ask. Could've been either one, and why bother pretending I don't know? He sighs- "Did you know there was a Vanburen party tonight?" I focus on breathing through my nose. I brushed my teeth just as soon as we got back but you can never be too sure in this house; we're all trained to spot any lie a drunk could think to muster.

"Yes."

He nods.

"Did you go? Jade went."

I pause. Do I look like an idiot? I gesture to myself lying in bed. The lights are off, at least, and I'm not wearing a shirt. Fucking Jade not knowing her limit. Coming home and being obvious, stumbling, leaving doors open. Making mistakes she knows better than to make, mistakes we both saw too many times growing up to make now on accident. I've never once mentioned it; she certainly hasn't either. I'm just usually around to clean up before anyone notices.

He looks ready to believe me, and then one of the hangers in my closet makes a noise. Dad doesn't look away from me- he sees the moment I give up pretending and realize I'm doomed. He clears his throat.

"Is it Garnet?" He asks. My eyes widen. Oh no. Oh, I'm so fucked. All I can manage is a desperate shake of my head- No! His own eyes widen. He understands. He looks ashamed. I just stare forward.

"Alright," He says, resigned, "Two months, just like you sister. School, training, home. Understand?" His voice is more irritated than angry; at least he isn't shouting. We all usually shout.

"Dad, come o-"

Kellan stands, makes his way around the bed. Knocks on the closet door with his knuckle.

"What are you doing?!" I'm out of the bed now- what am I going to do, stand between him and the closet?

"If I open this door, are you going to be dressed enough to get out of my house, or should I count to ten first?"

"Dad!"

"I'm serious, Jasper."

A long pause from the other side before she speaks at last.

"Yes, I'm dressed."

Quietly, he reaches forward to open it. She sheepishly steps out into the room. She turns before she leaves- "Who is Garnet?" Dad pats me on the shoulder, gives it a hearty squeeze.

"My girlfriend."

She shoves my varsity jacket into my chest. She leaves with tears in her eyes. I can't remember what color they are.

"You're such a dickwad!" I shout to my father once the front door closes.

"Yes, and you're a grounded dickwad. That makes two dickwads! Now, go to bed. You and your sister are getting up early with me for some spring conditioning, since you both have so much extra energy to burn."

He leaves. I punch my pillow.

Eventually, I go to sleep.