Cregan Vau D2 - Finished

Cregan Vau
17
Career

Mornings, they're perfect. Every other morning, I crawl out of bed, put my sneakers on, and go for a run. It's nice, feeling the breeze through my hair and against my skin as I listen to the birds singing high in the sky. It brings a sense of freedom, a sense of peace when all hope seems gone. It's the perfect way to start the day. I stretch my arms and legs, and I run for quite a distance before returning home. All I desire is the chance to become better, stronger. I don't care about sprinting, but I slowly increase the distance every single time to keep myself in the best shape that I can.

When I finish my run, I do some yoga and stretching. I then take out a book and start journaling about the morning. It's fun to write down the sounds I hear and how they make me feel as well as different things that can help me grow stronger throughout my life. Journaling brings me peace, it makes me happy, and I don't want anyone to take that from me. All I can do is hope it teaches me some life lessons. I love going back and looking at the words etched into the paper. I pour out my soul, all my secrets, everything I don't want anyone to ever learn about me, and then once I am done, I run back home and hide the journal under my bed, and I clean myself up.

After I clean up, the next thing I do is head to the training center to train for the games, and it turns me into someone I hate. I want to be the best. I usually pride myself in honor, loyalty, and justice, but when I'm standing in the training center preparing for the games, I am working to give myself the chance to succeed. I'm not afraid to manipulate people to believe me. I'm not above saying things people need to hear in order to get them to like me, to follow me. I'll use people a as a shield. When I do training exercises with others, I always make sure they take the brunt of it, so that I can stand back and watch.

I hate this about me because when I'm not in the training center, I don't want to see people hurt. I don't want to torment people or manipulate them, but it just happens, and I don't know how to stop it. I've tried, and the only thing that works is when I'm not in the training center, and I'm alone and away from everyone, yet I don't want to stop training because this is important to me. Maybe one day I'll learn to contain it. Right now, the best thing I can do is attempt to make myself seem like I have it under control, but I know it will always show its ugly head when I don't want it to.

There's a lot that I don't like about myself, but I'm learning to accept myself exactly the way I am. I get angry when I see what happens when I step foot into the training center, but it also makes sure that nobody walks over me. I've learned to turn it to strength. I had to, but it's still a part of me that I hate, a part that I want nothing to do with. It's as though there's two parts of me and they're always battling, always trying to see which part becomes ahead. I don't know what else to really do with it. All I can do is try containing that evil spirit as much as I possibly can. It's about knowing myself and becoming stronger all around.

But I care about people, probably a lot more than I should. I want to see the best in them, and so many times I have been hurt. I've let people say terrible things about me. I've let people walk all over me and use me, and this is the time I wish I could let the spirit I have in the training center come out. It protects me. It keeps me safe, and it lets people know that I'm not someone they can mess with, but sometimes I am someone that lets people mess with myself. I like to do things, such as baking and sewing things, and people say they're very feminine, but I don't care. I want to be myself, and sometimes I feel that's too much to ask for.

I do enjoy spending time with my family. I love to cook in my free time, and make sure my family has food that is tasty and fun. Baking cakes makes me happy, but sometimes I don't have best ingredients. I started cooking when I was younger, and I watched my mom throw together meals. But I found a passion for decorating cakes and selling them for money. It helps making sure things are okay at home, and that we have a roof over our head, and food to eat. I'll save my money to go out and buy the best ingredients possible. It's fun, and maybe one day I'll open my own bakery.

My other option is to become a peacekeeper. I've always dreamed of wanting to work for the Capitol. I haven't decided yet, but I know I have time to think of that. I have time to fix myself, to work out my flaws, and to make myself the best person I can be. I'll work for it every single day. I'll make sure people see me as the man who has honor and justice and loyalty. I don't want them to see who I become in the training center. Maybe they should know that. Every day is a purpose to make life the way I want to live it, and I will always do what I can. That's all I can do. That's all anyone can do.