Wicked's Short Story :)
Sept 6, 2010 9:07:51 GMT -5
Post by wickedchick on Sept 6, 2010 9:07:51 GMT -5
I got the thought to do some writing after I saw this idea on Sparknotes.com. "Write a story based on a song." So, I chose the song "The Call" by Regina Spektor and wrote this. Please critique, I really want to improve 
I closed my eyes, feeling the trickle of cappuccino down my throat, listening to the pitter patter of the rain against the concrete. The day was bleak and colorless, but against the blur of grey was the one thing to make me feel a pounding in my chest; the boy at the other end of the coffee shop. I cautiously opened one eye, brushing the bangs out my face, making sure he was still there. I clutched the foam cup tightly. He was sitting by the window, also listening to the pitter patter of the rain, or maybe just people-watching. Either way, his focus was elsewhere. Much to my surprise, I couldn’t help but keep staring at his vividly green eyes; their piercing stare a vibrant emerald against the somber sky. Not wanting to appear like a creepy “coffee shop stalker”, I rose to my feet and decided it was about time to be heading home. Each step echoed against the tile floor, the boy’s mind drifted back to the coffee shop and his gaze rose to mine. I flushed furiously and flashed him a smile. Without warning, I bumped into an empty table and managed to spill the remainder of my drink all over the floor and my brand new dress. All I could do is stand there and gape, unsure what to make of the situation, while the boy leapt up to grab a roll of paper towels.
“I’m so sorry! You really don’t have to help…” I blurted out.
“No, no, its fine! A few quick swipes and the floor will be brand new.”
I crouched down to his level and chuckled, “Yeah, but this dress is an entirely different story.”
He continued to stare at the floor, wiping back and forth in an almost mechanical motion. “I’d help you out but, well, I’m not good with laundry type things.”
“Yeah…me either.” I murmured, trying to figure out where this conversation was heading.
“But is there anything else I can help you with?” He lifted his eyes to meet mine. I couldn’t help but force a smile. His cheeks flashed a rosy shade of pink as he murmured, “Um, my name’s Caleb.” Trying my best to maintain a certain level of calm, I replied, “My name’s Melissa.” Caleb flashed me a toothy grin, his dusty brown hair partially covering his eyes, and helped me to my feet. “I was um, wondering Melissa, if you know,” I could hear the shaking in his voice, “You’d want to grab coffee tomorrow?”
--Several Years Later--
The ever-spanning blurs of green and brown continued to whiz by. I tried to focus on just one house, one farm, one building, anything, to keep my mind from swimming, but failed miserably. The over-head lights flickered softly while the roar of the engine echoed through the eerily empty cabin. I sighed, trying to alleviate the growing pain in my heart, but nothing seemed to be working. The wooden box, nestled snuggly in my arms, was beginning to shake with the motion of the train. My eyes drifted toward its mahogany shine, their gaze lingering only on the past. One peak, and then you’re done.
My hands trembled as I undid the rusting hinge, my eyes brimmed with tears as the precious memories flooded my mind. Dozens of pictures scattered the box, but tucked beneath all the others was a worn envelope coated in a light layer of dust. I lifted up the envelope, slipping out a crinkled picture, exhaling out the uneasiness in my chest. There were those eyes, a soft-meadow green, focused solely on his new bride; a bride whose gaze was just as deeply fixed on her new husband. Both were wrapped in each other's embrace, the warmth of the sunset radiating their faces. I closed my eyes, trying to remember the warmth of that day, the honesty in his smile, but most of all, the lightness I felt when he told me I was his.
“Excuse me, ma'am?” The conductor's words snapped my wandering mind back to the train, realizing that the land of what has been, was just a distant memory. “Ma’am, I believe this is your stop.” I nodded politely, clutching the wooden box, stepping off the train into a blinding sun, seeing his meadow-green eyes in every rolling hill I passed.
----
“Are you sure you have to go?”
Time seemed to stand still in this one moment, though the airport continued to bustle. Caleb wrapped me in his arms, closing his eyes, trying to hold onto a familiar face. “I’ll come back when its over, I promise.” I looked up into his eyes, unsure if that was a promise or a hopeless wish. The dread of losing him washed over me; he’d only been my husband for a year, and to lose him now... My thoughts trailed off, I couldn’t dare think of an ending.
A fellow lieutenant tapped him on the shoulder, it was time for the planes to depart. I clutched his narrow frame one last time, closing my eyes to try and escape the burning truth of reality. “Hey, hey,” he ran his hand through my hair, whispering softly, “You don’t need to say goodbye, I’ll be back when it's over.” A final warning call aired over the PA system. Neither of us quite knew how to end our farewell; the movies make it look so easy. I gradually eased my arms back to my side and he shifted his glance toward the terminal door. “Wait!” Caleb slowly turned around. I could already see the tears hazing his vision as I whispered, “If you ever feel lost, just pick a star on the dark horizon, follow the light, and I’ll be right there, waiting for you.” I saw that boyish grin spread across his face, the same one I noticed when we first met, and suddenly all the fears of losing him washed away. “I will…I promise.”
---
The earlier sunshine seemed to fade away to a distant, pale grey. I shivered beneath my light blue windbreaker. The barren earth showed no signs of condolence. I walked through the gate, an eerie chill of sorrow lingered in the air. I knew exactly where it was, my heart thudded against my ribcage at its familiarity. Light trickles of rain began to fall as I made my trek, trying to only focus on the warmth of his skin and the rosy tint of his cheeks. None of the other details mattered except for what had made me fall for him.
It almost seemed surreal when I saw it, laying against the barren earth. It was a simple block of marble, nothing out of the ordinary next to the hundreds of others like it. My legs trembled as I sunk to my knees, brushing away the dust to read the lettering.
Here rests Caleb James Papetti
A comrade in arms
Born April 11, 1987, Died December 21st, 2009
Somehow reading the words eased my heart. I couldn’t say anything, just the sight of the grave left me incapable of movement or speech, I just sat and listened. The crumpled picture, I decided, would be set in front of the grave, I couldn't bear to look at it any longer. The rain had already begun to bleed the color; our once radiant faces were now a swirling mix of red and yellow. I slowly closed my eyes, listening to the pitter patter of the rain against the barren earth, knowing the warmth in his eyes was radiating over me, the memories we cherished would never fade away, and his heart was still fixed on the horizon, waiting for the tender touch of a lovers embrace.
I closed my eyes, feeling the trickle of cappuccino down my throat, listening to the pitter patter of the rain against the concrete. The day was bleak and colorless, but against the blur of grey was the one thing to make me feel a pounding in my chest; the boy at the other end of the coffee shop. I cautiously opened one eye, brushing the bangs out my face, making sure he was still there. I clutched the foam cup tightly. He was sitting by the window, also listening to the pitter patter of the rain, or maybe just people-watching. Either way, his focus was elsewhere. Much to my surprise, I couldn’t help but keep staring at his vividly green eyes; their piercing stare a vibrant emerald against the somber sky. Not wanting to appear like a creepy “coffee shop stalker”, I rose to my feet and decided it was about time to be heading home. Each step echoed against the tile floor, the boy’s mind drifted back to the coffee shop and his gaze rose to mine. I flushed furiously and flashed him a smile. Without warning, I bumped into an empty table and managed to spill the remainder of my drink all over the floor and my brand new dress. All I could do is stand there and gape, unsure what to make of the situation, while the boy leapt up to grab a roll of paper towels.
“I’m so sorry! You really don’t have to help…” I blurted out.
“No, no, its fine! A few quick swipes and the floor will be brand new.”
I crouched down to his level and chuckled, “Yeah, but this dress is an entirely different story.”
He continued to stare at the floor, wiping back and forth in an almost mechanical motion. “I’d help you out but, well, I’m not good with laundry type things.”
“Yeah…me either.” I murmured, trying to figure out where this conversation was heading.
“But is there anything else I can help you with?” He lifted his eyes to meet mine. I couldn’t help but force a smile. His cheeks flashed a rosy shade of pink as he murmured, “Um, my name’s Caleb.” Trying my best to maintain a certain level of calm, I replied, “My name’s Melissa.” Caleb flashed me a toothy grin, his dusty brown hair partially covering his eyes, and helped me to my feet. “I was um, wondering Melissa, if you know,” I could hear the shaking in his voice, “You’d want to grab coffee tomorrow?”
--Several Years Later--
The ever-spanning blurs of green and brown continued to whiz by. I tried to focus on just one house, one farm, one building, anything, to keep my mind from swimming, but failed miserably. The over-head lights flickered softly while the roar of the engine echoed through the eerily empty cabin. I sighed, trying to alleviate the growing pain in my heart, but nothing seemed to be working. The wooden box, nestled snuggly in my arms, was beginning to shake with the motion of the train. My eyes drifted toward its mahogany shine, their gaze lingering only on the past. One peak, and then you’re done.
My hands trembled as I undid the rusting hinge, my eyes brimmed with tears as the precious memories flooded my mind. Dozens of pictures scattered the box, but tucked beneath all the others was a worn envelope coated in a light layer of dust. I lifted up the envelope, slipping out a crinkled picture, exhaling out the uneasiness in my chest. There were those eyes, a soft-meadow green, focused solely on his new bride; a bride whose gaze was just as deeply fixed on her new husband. Both were wrapped in each other's embrace, the warmth of the sunset radiating their faces. I closed my eyes, trying to remember the warmth of that day, the honesty in his smile, but most of all, the lightness I felt when he told me I was his.
“Excuse me, ma'am?” The conductor's words snapped my wandering mind back to the train, realizing that the land of what has been, was just a distant memory. “Ma’am, I believe this is your stop.” I nodded politely, clutching the wooden box, stepping off the train into a blinding sun, seeing his meadow-green eyes in every rolling hill I passed.
----
“Are you sure you have to go?”
Time seemed to stand still in this one moment, though the airport continued to bustle. Caleb wrapped me in his arms, closing his eyes, trying to hold onto a familiar face. “I’ll come back when its over, I promise.” I looked up into his eyes, unsure if that was a promise or a hopeless wish. The dread of losing him washed over me; he’d only been my husband for a year, and to lose him now... My thoughts trailed off, I couldn’t dare think of an ending.
A fellow lieutenant tapped him on the shoulder, it was time for the planes to depart. I clutched his narrow frame one last time, closing my eyes to try and escape the burning truth of reality. “Hey, hey,” he ran his hand through my hair, whispering softly, “You don’t need to say goodbye, I’ll be back when it's over.” A final warning call aired over the PA system. Neither of us quite knew how to end our farewell; the movies make it look so easy. I gradually eased my arms back to my side and he shifted his glance toward the terminal door. “Wait!” Caleb slowly turned around. I could already see the tears hazing his vision as I whispered, “If you ever feel lost, just pick a star on the dark horizon, follow the light, and I’ll be right there, waiting for you.” I saw that boyish grin spread across his face, the same one I noticed when we first met, and suddenly all the fears of losing him washed away. “I will…I promise.”
---
The earlier sunshine seemed to fade away to a distant, pale grey. I shivered beneath my light blue windbreaker. The barren earth showed no signs of condolence. I walked through the gate, an eerie chill of sorrow lingered in the air. I knew exactly where it was, my heart thudded against my ribcage at its familiarity. Light trickles of rain began to fall as I made my trek, trying to only focus on the warmth of his skin and the rosy tint of his cheeks. None of the other details mattered except for what had made me fall for him.
It almost seemed surreal when I saw it, laying against the barren earth. It was a simple block of marble, nothing out of the ordinary next to the hundreds of others like it. My legs trembled as I sunk to my knees, brushing away the dust to read the lettering.
Here rests Caleb James Papetti
A comrade in arms
Born April 11, 1987, Died December 21st, 2009
Somehow reading the words eased my heart. I couldn’t say anything, just the sight of the grave left me incapable of movement or speech, I just sat and listened. The crumpled picture, I decided, would be set in front of the grave, I couldn't bear to look at it any longer. The rain had already begun to bleed the color; our once radiant faces were now a swirling mix of red and yellow. I slowly closed my eyes, listening to the pitter patter of the rain against the barren earth, knowing the warmth in his eyes was radiating over me, the memories we cherished would never fade away, and his heart was still fixed on the horizon, waiting for the tender touch of a lovers embrace.
