Kolton Simmori D9

Umm, hi. So I need you to fix a few things before I can accept.

1) You have the correct number of paragraphs, but some of them are very short. This has more to do with the fact that your sentences are very simple: "Kolton is very outgoing" or "He has bright green eyes" etc. You give him a lot of traits, but they are things that you could really go into detail with. Try to go back and read through it and see if you can elaborate on some of the information.

2) What are his physical flaws? Everyone has something that's wrong with their appearance, and this character is no different. What's wrong with his appearance that other people might notice? Please note that scars do not count.

3) The same thing goes for his personality. What faults does he have? As of right now, nothing seems to be wrong with him. Everything about him is amazing, and I need you to fix that. I'd like you to get rid of that 2nd paragraph entirely in his personality, because a) Everyone is sad at times and b) Just because somebody is outgoing doesn't always mean that they are happy.

4) In fact, I kind of dislike that 3rd paragraph in his personality too. "In a fight Kolton can usually win because of his strength and anger." Yeah, he's strong. Yeah, he's a normal person who gets angry sometimes, if not more than usual. This doesn't mean that he can always win, though, so I would reword that paragraph a bit. If I were you, I would talk more about how his anger drives him when he IS fighting? And how the strength doesn't hurt either. xD

5) "His popularity went up, up, up." Surely there were people that didn't like him, and if there weren't any I would be greatly afraid. Talking so much about how people like him makes him seem like a Gary-Stu kind of character, so I would try to tone that down a bit. Sure, he's outgoing and nice. That's fine to talk about in a character application. But he's outgoing and nice and everybody loves him? That's a bit much.

6) "The next years were normal until his parents went away when he was sixteen. They never came back." ... Okay, what just happened?! Would you mind explaining WHY his parents would just up and leave their children like that? And then on the other hand, how was it that he happened to remain so strong while losing his parents AND inheriting a huge responsibility? I don't know about you, but that tends to stress people out. Just a little.

7) This is kind of out of order, but orange hair? I'm assuming that you mean that natural red color that kind of sometimes looks orange, because otherwise you'll have to remove that detail from this app.

8) Wait a minute, wait a minute. Maybe I've missed something.. but he has a disability? What? Please explain that somewhere or indicate to me what that might be in case I'm missing it, but right it just isn't making sense. Though right now I'm tired, so that might be it too..

9) "Everybody in district one has been helped by Kolton at least once." Is he superman or something? He takes care of two other children without parents, helps out everyone else around too, and still has a smile on his face. It just isn't believable, as I've said. Please remove this detail.

10) You're missing one letter from the codeword.

11) Yay, you still like pie. Awesome.

I think that's it, so post here when you're done editing and someone will come along and take another look at it. xD