Ben Nowaski d1

Hi-low. ^^ Reinforcement, Aya!

So, Joesph, I'm confused with the entire application. The structure is not clear and is riddled with grammatical errors that it makes it hard to understand what you mean. Don't forget to look at other accepted apps. I don't mean to say that I can't get the major concept of what you're saying, but here's an example of a section I don't get what you mean.

His personality flaws are many. He is modest but that causes him to overlook other problems about things. He’s a sucker for love which often leads him to break small laws about stealing from himself. And his pride often comes back to get him he brags too much and doesn’t notice

Perhaps it's because there are no commas throughout the application that I'm highly confused.

To start with, your Appearance doesn't have many flaws, as far as I've seen. You would need to explain why his small ears and nose are flaws if you want them to work out; because, by just stating that they're small, not many people would find those to detract from one's beauty. Also, what do you mean that the 'metal bracelet got stuck'? A five-year old's arms and hands are definitely smaller to someone who is 18, so I would think it could lead to possible blood flow cut-off in that area if it was not cared to soon. Why and how would he get the bracelet stuck there in the first place? Those are things you could answer in the Appearance (if not significant enough in the History) to expand it, which is also what you need to do because the sentences here are so short. Please explain and add onto the Appearance. Don't forget more flaws.

Speaking of girls Ben is a sucker for love. It is his greatest strength and weakness. Despite being a career He is very passionate.
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He’s a sucker for love which often leads him to break small laws about stealing from himself.

Please explain better on how being a 'sucker for love' can be harmful/beneficial to him. Breaking laws isn't exactly that bad or negative, because you seem to put it as petty crimes. Minimal crimes, like stealing a coin or two. If this made him get into trouble or did something morally wrong from Panem's viewpoint, that's when it could possibly be bad. Otherwise, you need to elaborate on this more.

But if one makes him angry well last time he got so angry at his sister he almost killed her.

When and under what conditions would it take for him to get this angry? This is pretty drastic, if you ask me or others. Without explanation, it's left to us to wonder if the drop of a hat could set him off, even though you put that he's not mean in an earlier sentence.

You're on the right track about pride being a flaw; however, I would like for you to fix this one. When someone is described as 'modest', it means that they downplay their skills, achievements, and compliments. Why would he not downplay his skills when it comes to jewels but for everything else? Believe you have the wrong word?

He is modest but that causes him to overlook other problems about things.

Ben has one sister who is older than him but recently is in a coma Ben has just relized how horribly she treated him when he was a kid treating him like an avox. He didn't relize this because he felt so sorry about the time he put her in a coma when she ruined his first piece of work. She got in the coma when she and Ben were outside at the market and a box of metals was accidently dropped on her head.

What does it mean that she treated him like an Avox? Like she forced him to serve her or he would get whipped/beaten up? 'Realized' is misspelled, as well as 'accidentally'. Here, it shouldn't be accidental that a box of metals was forced on her head if it's alluded that he was angry at the time. You have to remember that the reader can have their own interpretations of what you mean, sometimes going the other way of what you intended.

When he was 6 he used plastic, paper, and cardboard. To make his love detector. He once stabbed his sister when she tried to break it when he was 10 after that he only brought it out occasionally.

Yes, he's not mean or assumed to not get angry often if he stabs his sister over an invention made by plastic, paper, and cardboard?

He met his first girlfriend when his "Love detector" fell apart and she saw and stole a piece well same goes for all his girl friends he stopped carrying it when he was 16 after he was nearly killed when someone tried to steal it.

Please clarify this better; also, without commas, someone would probably be gasping for air. When you read a sentence, you're not supposed to pause unless you hit a comma, semicolon, etc. Why would any girl need to steal a piece if it was made out of plastic, paper, and cardboard, which are rather cheap? This also seems illogical, because it's cheaply-made: Why would someone want to kill him over this thing? It shouldn't even operate except for to break apart.

When he was born he had a wound that forced the bone out of his leg a little.

This was never mentioned in the Appearance, and what happened to it now? I suggest taking it out unless you're going to develop this better. Research, please.

Reply back after making the necessary changes to notify you're ready for another review. Thanks.