Zhi Jase Jabilo District 2

new

« Prev
1
Next »

Zhi Jase Jabilo
Seam Resident

1 POSTS
last seen Nov 27, 2010 12:57:30 GMT -5

Through these hands may you be healed.

Zhi Jase Jabilo District 2 Nov 27, 2010 10:50:35 GMT -5

Post by Zhi Jase Jabilo on Nov 27, 2010 10:50:35 GMT -5

Name: Zhi Jabilo
Age: 17
Gender: Male
District/Area: District 2
Appearance:

Zhi, though only 17 years old, stands at the average height of 6'0 but is expected to grow another 4 inches before he reaches the age of 21. Being from a warrior district that has never known hunger, Zhi is athletic built, well fed with a charming round face. Though he has never known hunger, he is not plump or fat. All his time training with through his younger school years for the hunger games, have given him very defined muscles with ripple beneath his clothing. His hair, as a slight sign of rebellion against his parents, he has grown long and shaggy, down past his ears. It is a light dirty blonde color, natural, even though he lives so close to the capitol and could easily have it dyed to a bright champagne blonde. His eyes twinkle light blue tones rimmed with a darker outer color that can only be matched with that color of the depths of the oceans. His dress is simple for district 2, slacks with a button up, a tie and a white medical coat covering all of it.

Personality:

Zhi was an odd little boy by the measures of some, but he was a fairly normal child in district 2. The healing hand of god touched him upon birth and radiated through him. Not only was healing a trait of his district but it was his own personal gift. As a small boy Zhi always helped those poor animals that could not help themselves, healing them with a steady hand and simple medicine.

As he grew he was still a innocent boy, good hearted in nature, always wanting to help everyone and always do what was right. Upon the age of 10 though things changed a bit, when he started training in school for the hunger games. While it was still in his nature to want to heal those who became hurt, he taught himself to hold back those longings and desirers. To mask and turn a blind eye to his innocent nature. To become stone faced and uncaring.

During the years of the hunger games, this stone face demeanor stayed in place, making his innocence. His grades were always top mark and he I'd the best job he could while working his rounds in the hospital, the only place where his mask came off and he let his softer side show, but only those who were dying, which in district 2 hardly ever happened, and children. Other than that the stone face stayed in place as many doctors did, doing what needed to be done.

Besides his innocent, good hearted nature, Zhi is a very calm individual. He is so calm and relaxed in almost every situation that others around him tend to fall into his calm ability. Those tightly wound can not help but relax when in his presence. He hardly every gets worked up, except when someone dies and he openly cries.

His calmness also gives him a level head and lets him be very logical and reasonable. He approaches every situation with logic and reasoning and always does what is best, not always what is right.

History:

Zhi was born to a very whimsical and happy mother at the age of 19 on April 6th. Her name is Ismerellda. ismerellda was the only daughter of her father jenkins and his wife Sophia. She was the purest and more innocent child many of district 2 have ever seen. She was the abnormal, as district 2 was a warrior district, she very very passive aggressive. These traits she passed on yo her son Zhi. Ismerellda fell in love at 16 with one of the doctors sons Jenkins. Was love at first sight. The two were married at 18 when both successfully made it without being entered into the hunger games and a year later had their first born Zhi.

Zhi grew up in a four bedroom house, nice yard and was able to get his hands on anything his heart ever desired, within the capitols restrictions. He lived a fairly easy life, easily avoiding the hummer games thus far as most tributes from district 2 are volunteers. His heart was never into the violence of the game. Sure it was great entertainment, but he never wanted to volunteer form them. He figured his life would be better spent learning to heal and taking care of people, not throwing his life away for enjoyment.

He spent his time in school learning how to fight in the games, and learning the history and about the treaty of peace. After school he spent his hours working I'm the hospital with his father. He learned all types of Capitol medicine. At home after work he learned the more homobiotical approach his mother preferred to use when healing. He learned about plants and herbs and their healing powers.

The other kids always joked in school with Zhi saucing that he could cure anyone anywhere with anything. Zhi, though humble, loved these praises and they gave him hope for his future. He hoped once he turned 19 and was out of the hunger games he would be brought to the Capitol as a healer for the tributes. Just incase he added psychology to his class load this year.

Codeword: Muttatins
Comments/Other:

Zhi Jase Jabilo - District 2

cameron
Retired Staff

1,837 POSTS
Pronouns: all spoken with respect
last seen Jun 12, 2020 10:26:24 GMT -5

MY SHIT IS TOGETHER - Shy Aubergine

Zhi Jase Jabilo District 2 Nov 27, 2010 12:55:42 GMT -5

Post by cameron on Nov 27, 2010 12:55:42 GMT -5

Hey Zhi, and welcome to the site! :]

Well, to start off, you need at least two paragraphs for your appearance section. If you haven't already, please read this post. It details exactly what you need to do for your bio. Basically your entire appearance section could be broken into three or four paragraphs, but you'll have to add more detail to each paragraph for them to count. You might want to tone down the sentence about his eyes; it's not very realistic. In fact, his total appearance is that of a Gary Stu. You need to add some flaws to Zhi, physical and emotional—but we'll get to that part later. For now, try to think of ways his physical appearance can be flawed. And scars don't count.

The healing hand of god touched him upon birth and radiated through him.

Err, just so you know, Panemites aren't believed to hold any religious background that I know of. This might have just been a way to describe his gift for medicine, but I don't know.. Just, know your character doesn't have any sort of power or anything, okay? If you weren't implying that then I apologize.

While it was still in his nature to want to heal those who became hurt, he taught himself to hold back those longings and desirers. To mask and turn a blind eye to his innocent nature. To become stone faced and uncaring.

"desirers" should be "desires." Also, the last two sentences should be a part of the first one. Insert commas in place of the periods, and make the T in "To" a lowercase letter. Make sure to put the word "and" before the last "to", though.

During the years of the hunger games, this stone face demeanor stayed in place, making his innocence.

Err, I don't exactly understand this sentence. Maybe it's just me, though. Either way, could you explain this a little more? Also, make sure to capitalize the Hunger Games every time you say it.

His grades were always top mark and he I'd the best job he could while working his rounds in the hospital, the only place where his mask came off and he let his softer side show, but only those who were dying, which in district 2 hardly ever happened, and children.

I need you to fix "he I'd the best job," because I don't exactly know what you meant. The comma after "show" needs to be a period, because—if not—the sentence will be a real mess. Once you do that you'll need to fix the last part of that sentence, because the way it is right now doesn't make much sense to me. Did you maybe mean he only shows his softer side to those who are dying etc etc? If so, fix that to make it clearer, please.

others around him tend to fall into his calm ability

Calm isn't an ability, so fix that. Maybe say something like "his calmness tends to rub off on others around him." Even then, this is highly unlikely in most cases.

ismerellda was the only daughter of her father jenkins and his wife Sophia

Make sure to capitalize names, please.

She was the purest and more innocent child many of district 2 have ever seen.

This sentence needs some fixing. "most" in place of "more" and "any" instead of "many".. Also, capitalize the word "District."

Was love at first sight. The two were married at 18 when both successfully made it without being entered into the hunger games and a year later had their first born Zhi.

It was love at first sight. Make sure to put the word "it" there, or the sentence is a major fragment. Make sure to capitalize "Hunger Games" and add a comma after "Games." Put a comma after "born."

Zhi grew up in a four bedroom house, nice yard and was able to get his hands on anything his heart ever desired, within the capitols restrictions.

You have a lot of run-ons, which is something you might want to work on. This should read "Zhi grew up in a four bedroom house with a nice yard. He was able to get his hands on anything his heart ever desired—within the Capitol's restrictions, of course." Or something like that. Don't copy word for word, but please fix this.

He lived a fairly easy life, easily avoiding the hummer games thus far as most tributes from district 2 are volunteers.

You used easy or a form of easy twice within a three word span. You might want to fix that, though not mandatory. "Hunger Games," not "hummer games." "Tributes" is a capitalized word, as is District. Volunteers, in this situation, is also capitalized.

Sure it was great entertainment, but he never wanted to volunteer form them.

I would omit the word "sure" and capitalize "it," but if you leave it there needs to be a comma after sure. Volunteer, once again, is special in the Hunger Games. Therefore, it should be capitalized. "Form" should also be spelled "from."

He spent his time in school learning how to fight in the games, and learning the history and about the treaty of peace. After school he spent his hours working I'm the hospital with his father.

Games is a capitalized word, and there should not be a comma after the word. Treaty of Peace is also a proper noun. There needs to be a comma after "school," and the conjunction "I'm" should be changed to "in" I assume.

At home after work he learned the more homobiotical approach his mother preferred to use when healing. He learned about plants and herbs and their healing powers.

"Homobiotical" is not a word as far as I know, and Google seems to agree with me. Could you please change that to something real? Thanks. I think you mean "qualities" instead of "powers," as well.

The other kids always joked in school with Zhi saucing that he could cure anyone anywhere with anything.

I haven't a clue what you mean by this, honestly. "Saucing" does not fit in this sentence... at least, I don't think it does. Either way, there needs to be a comma after his name.

Zhi, though humble, loved these praises and they gave him hope for his future.

Err, this sentence doesn't exactly work. Maybe put a period after "praises," delete the word "and," and capitalize "they." I can't think of another way to fix this. Of course, there is the option you could simply be more detailed; that might explain some more.

The last quote! Get excited!
He hoped once he turned 19 and was out of the hunger games he would be brought to the Capitol as a healer for the tributes. Just incase he added psychology to his class load this year.

I think you mean once he was out of the Reaping for the Hunger Games. There is no guarantee he'll go to the Hunger Games, and even then he would only have a 1/24 chance of survival. Capitalize "Tributes," as well. Put a space between "incase" and a comme after it. Capitalize "psychology," please.

Overall, you have good length, but your character is a Gary Stu. he needs flaws in his appearance and personality before he can be accepted. Try reading this guide about Gary Stus/Mary Sues to get a better idea of how you can fix Zhi to be more interesting.

Also, your password is incorrect. You need to read these rules to get the correct codeword. If you put in the right one, a picture will pop up saying "Code Correct!"

Reply back when you've fixed all of this.^^