(Party Poison) Ram Hevvex D9

(Party Poison) Ram Hevvex D9 Dec 2, 2010 22:45:14 GMT -5

Post by Funny Man on Dec 2, 2010 22:45:14 GMT -5

Name: Ramuil Hevvex
Age: 18
Gender: Male
District/Area: District 9
Appearance:

Ram stands at 6 feet 2 inches (tall!!). He is somewhat muscular, but pretty skinny. He has white (tanned) skin. He has bright-brown eyes. Also he has (died) red hair.

Ram usually wears a black leather coat that has some red lines on it. He sometimes wears a little mask that goes over his eye area only. It is yellow and above (also below) are black triangles that look as if they were coming out of his eyes. His pants are black and, diamond shaped, white baggy pants. He wears two belts that look the same, one around his waist and the other kind of falling off.

Personality:

Ram is a nice guy. He knows how to make friends and how two make them laugh. He is very outgoing (as you can see), but he also likes to help people. Everybody (not literally) knows who he is. Either from past experince or just a random encounter. He can bring ↑ the mood of the depressed, unless someone died.

Sometimes Ram can be the person you don't want to mess around with. He can easily start a fight faster than he can stop one. His (little) anger issues are good in some situations, but are bad in others. He has had these anger issues since his older brother died from cancer. His body is made for love not hate... (give me a hug [jk!])

Ram's nice side differs from his dark side. He can be commpared to Jack Black but not that crazy. He knows how to fight (which is were his hunting skills come in), and knows not to drop a baby. He can be a rascle yet a meany, but still give you a hug after he tries to kill you. He likes animals too!

History:

Ram was born and raised in Distrect nine. His family was shocked with his ten year old brother's cancer, he didn't know how to react to this (Ram was only six). His brother died half a year later. At his funeral Ram ran away. Only to come back two days later (what? he was hungery).

Two years later he started making friends again. This time a little more outgoing. He made it through the next four years normaly. When he was twelve he was lucky not to be drawn for the hunger games. He had to go along with a normal life.

When he was sixteen he started playing music. He loves to sing and play guitar. Himself and friends love to get together to play music. Ram made songs and got to know some more people since then. Now he tries to make friends with everyone.

Codeword: muttations
Comments/Other:

1. I like pie
2. RANDOM COLORS!!!!!

(Party Poison) Ram Hevvex D9 Dec 4, 2010 19:28:32 GMT -5

Post by Prince Inigo on Dec 4, 2010 19:28:32 GMT -5

Hey there, Party (if I may call you that). ^^

The overall application is short because of the sentences, so please add more detail or more sentences. I would recommend detail.

Could you please remove the comments that are just your injections (author injections being the ones that don't contribute much to the application) in the parenthesis? None of them are necessary or of importance to the app, adds onto the word count, and detract from the app. The review will be like you didn't have those comments there. Except for one in particular, which I will get to right now.

He has white (tanned) skin.

It's contradictory to have both white and tan skin, unless you explain to me what it is you mean. You have to remember that only the author will understand their work unless you explain - in full detail - what you mean. I read this as though you meant that its naturally tan and naturally white, which is contradictory. Did you mean it tanned from the sun? And if so, what kind of shade is it? As there are many shades that exist in the world, it's best to put that in the Appearance.

Also he has (died) red hair.

When you take out the parenthesis and put this in the real sentence, it's not 'died'. 'Died' is past form of 'to die'. The word you're looking for is 'dyed'.

His pants are black and, diamond shaped, white baggy pants.

Please reword this. I don't know where 'diamond shaped' would go with those commas there, and I feel as though you're saying that they're both wholly black and wholly white because you put 'pants' in the sentence twice, making me think there's two things at once.

Personality...

Sometimes Ram can be the person you don't want to mess around with. He can easily start a fight faster than he can stop one. His (little) anger issues are good in some situations, but are bad in others. He has had these anger issues since his older brother died from cancer. His body is made for love not hate...

This whole paragraph - in particular - needs more detail/explanation. When will he start a fight, and why will he start a fight? When are his anger issues good or bad? That kind of information is vague and, when RPing with others, may not work at all. The sentence "His body is made for love not hate..." seems unnecessary and should be taken out unless you explain what it means. Are you trying to say that he's a lover and not a fighter?

Two years later he started making friends again. This time a little more outgoing. He made it through the next four years normaly. When he was twelve he was lucky not to be drawn for the hunger games. He had to go along with a normal life.

So he went through depression or was anti-social after his brother's death? There is no explanation on the transition from either of those traits to the 'outgoing' one. Detail-giving would not only lengthen the History, but it would kind of clue in the type of person we're reading about here. Also, the reaping is from 12-18 (meaning seven reapings), so he wasn't in the clear from just missing the one when he was 12. 'Normal' is subjective; I'd say 'average'.

Himself and friends love to get together to play music.

Grammatical mistake: You have to read like 'and friends' wasn't there. "Himself love to get together to play music," doesn't make sense. The sentence should be: "He and his friends love to get together to play music."

The codeword isn't 'muttations' anymore. You have to read the new rules for the new codeword. The picture popping up is still the same.

Please reply back after making the modifications and someone will get back to you. Thanks. ^^