Eshan Wilde, D10

Eshan is a mid-sized (173 cm) young man, skinny but slightly muscular. His skin tone --on the brown side-- suggests Latino roots, and so do his face features. He has chronic knee pain caused by a fracture and ligament rupture that required surgery to be fixed, which was impossible for his family to pay. He walks with a cane, and his left knee is wrapped tightly in cloth for extra support. Usually filthy, his body is normally carried awkwardly, as if he’s scared of the air itself.

Simply by looking at his black, messy, dirty, and short hairstyle, one could guess that Eshan couldn't possibly care less about how he looks. The feeling comes from the knowledge that his appearance can't change his work quality, and it translates directly into most of the aspects of his face. For one, Esh only ever shaves if he remembers to do it, --which is very rarely, seeing as he always seems to have something more important to do-- making him sport a dirty-looking, short, beard for days on end. Usually he wears a glittering layer of sweat, from him resisting bathing 'too often', which reflects his dislike of personal hygiene. His light brown lips are parted or bleeding most of the time, the latter being caused by him hitting himself with the floor, otherwise known as falling, or animals were kicking him in distress. Additionally, and luckily for the people that lay eyes (or nose, in this case) on him, Esh does brush his teeth, simply because he hates the way his mouth tastes after a while of not taking care of his them.

He has a couple of hardened, analytical, almond shaped, chocolate brown eyes that can speak by themselves. Eshan knows how cruel people can be, and this is expressed directly by his look. Distant, calculating, he'll look in your eyes trying to figure you out. This is the only part of his body that he admires, because the eyes are the window to the soul. In his case, those windows are somewhat blocked by two bushy, dark eyebrows. The right one was severely burned in an accident, which also burnt about 1/8 of his forehead, so currently the young man has an eyebrow and a half. He likes to add this to the metaphor about his eyes being the window to his soul; he calls them 'the curtains'. They might distract you from the view of a window, but if you look close enough, they can still allow you to look through it.

His body, while thin, has small muscles formed around his arms that came from handling animals, and also for the extra strength he needs to make up for his limp. Esh, as mentioned earlier, walks around with a cane, his left arm carrying the weight his leg was supposed to. This causes him to be somewhat unbalanced; his left arm is considerably stronger than his right, but his right leg is much more muscular than his left. Eshan is normally seen wearing nothing more than pants and a black shirt, he wears loose shoes, and rides his horse, Equus, a lot.

Eshan will come off as cold, aloof, and deadly quiet when you first meet him. He'll mutter a low 'hello' and then will proceed to limp around whatever room you're in, staring at you. He'll try to interpret your body language, whatever words or phrases you might say, and the look in your eyes. He will answer anything you ask him, but he'll do so in a short way to avoid conversation. Then, after he's gotten tired of you, he'll grunt an excuse and proceed to leave quickly. In short, it is likely that you might not like him upon first meeting.

Esh has built strong, sturdy walls around him. He doesn't trust anyone. He doesn't believe anyone. All this distrust is backed up by his feeling that his own leaders, people he's supposed to trust, have betrayed him. This is further explained in the History section, but he lost his best and only friend Renato in the 50th Hunger Games. So, at age 14, he closed up and never let anything in that could hurt him. In all honesty, he is just horribly scared of any more pain, whether it is emotional or physical, and he believes that people are prone to causing pain. After all, the Capitol does it year after year, making their own people afraid of them and, to him, any person could do worse if they had desired.

Esh is also insecure. His whole life there has been pointing, whispering and pitiful shaking of heads where ever he goes, and this makes him feel unworthy of love. Because, as much as he is afraid of pain, he is even more scared of him becoming what he hates; someone who causes pain. It’s the reason he spends all day in the ranch, feeding, curing, and breeding animals. He loves them because they don’t ever hurt anyone unless it’s absolutely necessary for their survival, which makes them as different as can be from the ruthless human beings. Eshan tries to make his animals live the best life possible, and he despises that he, himself, has to slaughter them afterwards, and does it in a painless way, to spare the innocent creatures of any suffering.

The only female he's ever loved, besides his own mother, is Equus. She has shown sympathy to him, letting him ride her at all times, and always being gentle and careful, as if she can perceive her master’s pain. She is the only one that can say (or perhaps... Neigh?) That she knows Eshan. Underneath the distance, the coldness, and the fear, he is hurt. Since he never really got to express his grief for Ren, it is all bottled up inside. Inside, where a boy that can't measure how much he gives, takes or keeps is all by himself. So lonely, that he never really learned how to be... A person. He doesn't know how to treat people, and he is also ignorant when it comes to how he should treat himself .

Eshan is what people call 'book smart'. Having spent a lot of his time in bed, recovering from his knee injury, and disease, he wrote down everything he saw, and attempted to learn from it. From the cat's movements to comparing the speed of two falling objects, everything was scribbled down furiously in endless notebooks. He never seemed to forget anything of what he had written down, and he still could apply many parts of what he learned in his daily life, and he does. Nothing that comes across him will be ignored. It will be seen, analyzed, and studied to see what he can learn.

If he were to completely get rid of the walls he's built, Esh would be awkward. Bearing little to no knowledge of the social rules and standards, he'll occasionally blurt out things that most individuals would find offensive. But because appearances do not matter to him, he'll only do this while insulting a personality trait. This also means that the young man is totally unable to keep a secret. He'll get restless, won't listen to what someone's saying, and randomly mention it very matter-of-factly.

If he were to get rid of his shell... He might laugh. Nobody has seen Esh laugh in a long time, and if he does, it's short, a bit awkward, and it doesn't happen again anytime soon. To him, it's showing people a little of your weakness, and that's unacceptable. This is also why he has never been seen with a tear in his eye or sliding across his cheek ever since he was a little boy. Weakness is despicable to him.

Eshan was born in the evening of a dark December afternoon to Salamandra and George Wilde inside his home. George and Sally were delighted to have a child. However, their initial excitement turned into fear rapidly as the newborn's temperature rose all too quickly in his second week of life, and even more when his cries wouldn't stop. This marked the start of a good ten years of constant disease and anguish from his parents, which made them lose any interest in having any more children. They were scared and worried that they might give another child an unhealthy life again.

No matter how many times Eshan recovered, it was never fully, and he would spend weeks feeling weak and tired after an illness. This made him spend much more time at home, in bed, with the family cat, than playing outside with kids his own age. This was when the notebook-filling started, as soon as he learned to write. (Fortunately he is a fast learner, because he missed a decent amount of his classes.)It was the only way the boy would be fairly entertained, so, even if one of the neighbors happened to bring along their child when his mother sold eggs, Esh was much more likely to scribble in a piece of paper than to actually interact with the kid.

After his sick season ended, Eshan was roughly ten years old and with little knowledge of friendship, rules or manners. His school days were rather empty, as no one really did know him. He was actually comfortable with this loneliness, until one day, a rather chatty boy sat with him, and began going on and on about how his friends were ‘mean’ and ‘evil’ and whatnot, while Esh just gaped. Did people really do this? Walk up to kids like him and talk? And then the question that broke the ice: “Soooo. How are you?” As shocked as Esh was at first with the question, simply because he’d never heard it before, he managed to put his ignorance aside, and start talking. Before he knew it, Renato knew about how sick he’d been, how his parents seemed afraid that he might break… Everything, even how funny he’d found when he gave the cat the scare of its life.

And that was how the friendship began, with them sharing everything two ten year olds can share. Eshan giving Ren the answers in classes, and Renato making Esh live. He took him to meadows, stores, and places where he could just run around, something the sheltered little boy had never lived before. This made Esh happier, and therefore more willing to spend more quality time with his family, which had never happened before. The man is particularly fond of these moments, --even if he won’t admit it—because he had an actual look at happiness, and not just tiny glimpses, like he was used to. Later on in his life, he knew that he had Ren to thank, but at the moment all he did was treasure and cherish every second he got of glee.

And so they went on for about two years, until the accident in Eshan’s ranch, which changed the boys’ lives. The family had just traded a new horse, strong and remarkably muscular, that promised less carrying for everyone. The boys had been playing in the barn until late at night, and they had fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning, when the horse arrived. Eshan’s dad, overly excited because of the arrival of the new animal, was intending to ‘give him a tour’ and took him to the barn.

Nervous because of the new environment already, the horse was very alert and his eyes darted everywhere as the man whispered to him what he was seeing “…And here is the food, the water… Oh! Look what we have here… These kids, falling asleep everywhere…” As he chuckled quietly the last part, he got closer to the boys. All of a sudden, in his sleep, Ren screamed. This terrified the horse, making him stomp and kick everywhere. Everywhere, including Eshan’s sleeping figure, or his leg, to be exact.

Needless to say, the impact broke the boy’s shin and knee. After a blood curling scream emerged from Eshan’s mouth, and when the horse managed to run off, his father desperately picked the boy up, pushed Ren, and hurried over to the house, where he fetched the town’s closest thing to a doctor. The woman confirmed that everything was broken, including ligaments. The knee and the latter wouldn't recover fully, she was sorry, but the shin would be alright with immobilization.

Of course, this managed to keep everyone in shock. So, as the boy lay in pain, they made new plans for him. No more harsh work, heavy things, or –in particular, this was directed to Ren— running games.

The boy soon learned how to live with a limp, however, and he tried to live exactly as he used to, only slower, and much more carefully. He did most of his chores in the ranch, attended school regularly and still played with Ren, who gave him lots of physical and emotional support after the accident. He felt that he had to go on, because if not he’s be lost, and he would be weak. Work and Renato were really all he had, aside from his family. Esh never knew this, but his friend always felt guilty about the accident. He had scared the horse, after all. And so he stood by his friend, glaring at anyone who would try to make fun of him or bully Esh. He lived gratefully during this time of his life, fully aware that he had someone to be there for him at all times.

And as much as it had been an emotional blow to bust his knee, nothing could ever compare to what he felt when he saw his best friend getting reaped. The moment when the name was called, Esh knew that his life wouldn’t ever be the same. Who would talk to him? The boy with the limp. Awkward, quiet and snappy if his friend wasn’t around. And what were the odds of Ren winning, honestly? The teen could barely bring him to take an egg from a hen.

And, as much as it hurt him, he said goodbye knowing that his friend would never make it back home, and it was clear to him that his life wouldn’t ever be the same. No one bothered to talk to him after Ren’s death, except for condolences.

This just went on for the rest of his life, and rarely anyone notices him, except if he’s alone with them or if they’re absolutely forced to do so. No big events followed Renato’s death, because that was when his faith died. It didn’t matter that at least one kid from his district died every year; he didn’t know them. However, when his friend died, he realized the cruelty of it all, and he joined in the quiet hating of the Capitol.

I really didn't expect this to get so long O.o