William Oro D.1

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manto

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William Oro D.1 Feb 13, 2011 21:12:32 GMT -5

Post by manto on Feb 13, 2011 21:12:32 GMT -5

Name: Bill or Will
Age: 16
Gender: Male
District/Area: District 1
Appearance:

Will is a structure of complete muscle and stands at 5'11". He stips the scale at 195 lbs. and has very little body fat. He has scars across his back for idiotic reasons but it doesn't hurt the cahnces with the ladies.
He has dark brown hair cropped short to make sure it doesn't interfere with training. His eyes are a stormy gray that makes you feel that he's always judging you. He is.

Personality:

William is a quiet guy. You'll barely get more than three sentences out of him if he doesn't know you. If he does you may get seven. He likes to keep things simple.
If you're in trouble this is the guy to turn to. One of the best hand to hand fighters in the district he always supports the underdog. He'll never turn on you if you gain his respect. Most turn and run if they see him.
Will prefers solitude everything. If you knew his past you would understand. He has few close friends but for those he'd give his life. He's rather smart as well.

History:

Will had both his parents and two sisters five years ago. Four years ago he lost his mom and older sister. his mother died of unknown causes and his sister was taken for the games. His dad has drifted away from then after the two deaths.
His scars on his backs are from boneheaded mistakes. He just didn't know when to shut up a few years ago and made the wrong people mad. Contless times he was whipped. he only stopped after he was threatened to be sent into the games. He couldn't leave his 11 year old sister.
Will's view on the Hunger Games is a necessary evil. He wants a new system but until then supports the games. He doesn't often lose those he knows for the games anyway. He constantly trains but prays he and his sister are never called. It would seriously destabalize him.

Codeword: odair
Comments/Other:

Since i can't seem to find my old characters and i've been gone awhile this seemed like a good time to start over.

aya
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6,261 POSTS
last seen Sept 15, 2024 22:06:23 GMT -5

"GUNNERRRRR~"

William Oro D.1 Feb 14, 2011 17:47:07 GMT -5

Post by aya on Feb 14, 2011 17:47:07 GMT -5

First off, welcome back!

Sorry to do this so impersonally, but we're pretty backed up at the moment. Please look over This Thread, particularly numbers two, three, and five.

Here are my more specific criticisms:

"William is a quiet guy. You'll barely get more than three sentences out of him if he doesn't know you. If he does you may get seven. He likes to keep things simple. "

but later you said:

"He just didn't know when to shut up a few years ago and made the wrong people mad."

Please clarify — does he tend to get into fights more, or was it just one specific instance? Elaborate, either way.

Please elaborate on the following, and note the spelling errors denoted by "[sic]":

"He has scars across his back for idiotic reasons [which were?] but it doesn't hurt the [sic]cahnces with the ladies. [what exactly do you mean? You'd be better off taking this out. This makes him seem more like a Gary-Stu.] "

"his mother died of unknown causes [disease? accident? something else? what?] and his sister was taken for the games. [depending on how old she was at the time and how long ago that was, this could conflict with the site cannon — if it was any less than four years ago (that is, if he was any older than 12) then this is the case and must be changed.]"

"His scars on his backs are from boneheaded mistakes. He just didn't know when to shut up a few years ago [about what?] and made the wrong people [who?] mad. [sic] Contless times he was whipped. he only stopped [stopped what?] after he was threatened to be sent into the games. [nobody would be able to actually do this. Maybe they threatened that they could make it happen, but no one could/would actually make this happen. Please specify this.] "

"Will's view on the Hunger Games is [that they are] a necessary evil. [expound upon this, please. Why? What makes him think so? What makes them necessary?] He wants a new system [to do what? for what reason? what would it involve? but until then supports the games. He doesn't often lose those he knows for the games anyway. He constantly trains but prays he and his sister are never called. [why does he train, then?]"

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