<:Before:I:Fall:> {-Hayley-GBS-}
Mar 5, 2011 17:43:10 GMT -5
Post by Rosetta on Mar 5, 2011 17:43:10 GMT -5
Maia Grayson
You're disgusting.
A screw-up.
A mere unfortunate being.
Not good enough.
Never good enough.
Voices spoke inside of Maia’s head. Loud, shouting, tormenting voices. Valora. Her father. Her mother. The kids at school…eventually, as she had trekked over the land, it swirled into one. One raucous frightening voice beating down on her as harshly as the sun. She wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, squinting up into the sky once more. The morning sun was as hot as ever, and a sunburn was already forming over her skin. Sighing, Maia put her head down, pieces of hair drifting down her face, and kept on walking. Her feet stumbled over one another, her chest heaving, but she moved on. The blood that covered the majority of her body had dried, turning brown in the sun. Her wounds were sore and stinging, cry out for water, but she refused the urge. Her tongue was in more need of water then her body.
Not good enough.
She’d messed up at the Cornucopia. She should’ve done something differently…something, anything. There
were so many possibilities, but she’d messed up. She could almost hear her father’s criticize.
“No, she shouldn’t have done that. If she’d done that instead, she wouldn’t be injured.”
But, those words were the least of her troubles. Tears still glistened on her cheeks, salty droplets that she didn’t even lick up. What would her family think when they’d seen her cry at the Cornucopia? The tears weren’t something she’d planned on. They’d happened, a natural occurrence. A reaction to the fact…the fact that she wasn’t quite as ready as she realized. That and the pain inflicted upon her. The tears had burst forth from her eyes, and before she knew it, they were rolling down her face, choked sobs forming like a rock in her throat. However, unlike many times before, Maia had always hid her tears behind doors, under her hands or hair, or refused to let them loose, these were all free and public. Everyone had seen. Everyone knew exactly what she was…a crying little…weakling.
It stung far more than her wounds. Far more than the words from others. Because this time, she’d said them herself. She knew them herself. It had worked its way underneath her skin, onto the other side of her crumbling walls, into her bloodstream. It caused a sort of hopeless feeling to swoop down upon her, and she half-expected it to pick her up at any moment and carry her off. It was enough to make her break, fall so easily, wait…wait for someone else to find her, and see the real her. But, like every other human on this planet, Maia put her mask back on. She pushed back her shoulders, kept her chin high, and swallowed the burning feeling in her throat down. Now was the time to hide it all away, keep it hidden, and keep moving. She wasn’t going to wait. Moving was important. She must move.
A barren land stretched before her, much too suspicious for her taste. She, cautiously, approached it, lips slightly parted, fingers firmly wrapped around a hammer in her hand. A bag swung on her back, filled with merely pliers and a t shirt. Nothing special.
Because you’re nothing special.
She gritted her teeth, banishing the voices from her mind. Small chance…small chance…shut up, she thought, furiously, stomping hard on the ground, sending dirt flying around her feet. Not now, she couldn’t lose it now…hide it…hide it…hide it…She was good at hiding. She’d hid many things before. Hid her frustration at Valora, most of the time. Hid her rage at herself for failing, always failing, never succeeding. She’d even hid herself, in the most secluded of corners, subjecting herself to her own thoughts, fears, emotions. Strangely enough, in silence was where she was most at ease. Silence was bliss. Silence and darkness. No yelling. No faces. Nothing. Merely her and herself. Maia and Maia. No one else.
Not now. She was in an Arena, where silence was something not to be taken lightly, and darkness was something to be feared. Maia stared out at the empty land, feasting upon it with her blue eyes. For a moment, there was that taunting silence and then…
Whoosh!
A jet of water shot up from the ground, startling her. Heart beating wildly, she gaped as steam rose in the air, the water spurting several feet high, before falling back into the ground. Heat met her face, and she knew that the water was hot…horribly hot. For a moment, she stood there, contemplating whether or not to approach it. She needed water, but when it came at more of a risk then it normally would in the Games…now that held her there.
Fear was folding her into its icy, sharp grasp. She was already tightly wound, she knew it, but facing her fears…well, she had to…it was the only way…and these were the Hunger Games, right? Still, she was rooted to the spot, her feet hand clutching at the hem of her shirt, sweat pouring down her sides and sticking.
Perhaps there was a pattern to it. Yes, there must be. She mustn’t approach the geyser straight out, in case it let loose again…she must wait. And as much as she hated waiting, Maia stood there, hammer still clasped tightly in her hand, waiting and watching, ears listening intently. See, this is a good idea, she told herself,maybe be you can do this. You’ve got this figured out. Maybe you can do this. A balloon of hope swelled in her stomach, and for a moment, there was bliss. However, the voices in her head wanted their last word.
Small chance.
And just like that, the balloon popped.
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