Alaxander Shade, district 2

Hey there, Entei! ^^

To start off with, I would like for you to take a look at this guide, at points #1, #2, #3 (generally towards Appearance), #4, and #15.

Content-wise, the paragraphs can do with more information and variance of sentence structures, but this is a good start. The problem I find here is that there isn't enough necessary explanation that it leads the reader to assume where Alaxander gained his abilities. Most times, it's not in the good way. You can always omit unnecessary information in order to create some tie-in to the past of your character, but the rest is assumed to be missing or that he's an exceptional fellow - which can lead to being a Gary-Stu character.

For example, in the Appearance, there is hardly a mention of flaws. While flaws are subjective, being pale or tall doesn't exactly qualify as being flaws. In many societies, tallness is a desire. What we look for in physical flaws is more if your character is conscious about these flaws and finds them a detrimental part of their character. Some flaws however can be undesirable - perhaps a broken nose - but a few people in the world might like the feature as a different sign than just plain beauty.

All the boys envy him because all the girls like him.

I would rather you avoid words like 'always' (when used for people other than the character and/or family/NPCs under your control), 'all', and 'everyone', as they don't usually give leeway to other RPer's characters, who would fall under the 'all' category. It's safer to use something like, "Many guys seem to be envious for Alaxander, for as he walks through the halls it appears that every girl shows their like towards him." Using the word 'seeming' or 'appearing' is fine in conjunction with 'all' and 'every'. It doesn't mean it's exactly true.

The History is looking for opportunities for explanation or what Alaxander thought about his events. Why would the Capitol kill his parents - who (from lack of important detail) would be out of the age range for the Hunger Games? What did they do in order to deserve such a fate? What about his brother? Alaxander is turning into the perfect soldier - not being able to feel pain anymore - but it seems a bit unrealistic on a human level. Sometimes pain happens from just remembering the past.

It's just practice, Entei. Practice and confidence for improvement. ^^ If I sound harsh, I don't mean to be. I want to see you improve, man. >:D

Modify with the necessary changes and reply to the thread to notify that you're ready for another review. Thanks!