Stille Nacht {GXK}

I was prepared for Landon, whenever he wanted to come at me. This time I would be able to control myself and hopefully throw a few accurate strikes, hopefully enough to bring him down. I did not like the way he had been treating Jana, especially when the choice she had made didn't particularly involve him. I'm not trying to say that it's a good thing she didn't pick Landon -- I'm just frustrated that he had yelled at her; tore her down with words, for heaven's sake.

As I watched the other boy in the dim light of the night, I couldn't help but feel somewhat inferior. Landon was a full time lumberjack, and it was obvious by the way he was built. And me? I'm a former lumberjack; I haven't been able to hold it together for a very long time. I highly doubt anyone in the right mind would trust me with an axe or chainsaw....

I stood tall, anyways. So what if he was more muscular than I was? Sure, he may have the brawn to take me down, but I had--.... well, I don't know what I have as an advantage over him. Nothing, really.... no. I don't think I have any advantage over him.

Landon began to move, coming at me with a swinging fist. I raised my forearms and crossed them in front of my upper torso in an attempt to block him, but he didn't make contact with me before suddenly going down. Confused, I lowered my arms, only to see that Jana had intervened again, but this time with the hatchet. I was shocked, really; had she really just attacked her best friend? Was she really the reason why Landon was curled up on the ground? Wow.... I certainly wasn't expecting that. Served him right, though.

It took me a minute to realize that she now had me in an embrace, and I soon returned it, trying to hide my very faint smile of disbelief.

"I'm alright,"

I answer her, holding her tightly against me in a protective embrace. Honestly, aside from a few burning sensations on my back and some stinging around my eye, I felt fine -- okay, maybe I was still hurting a little. Very tiny shards being poked into my skin made tingling sensations, though it certainly wasn't unbearable. But maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to get whatever was left out of my skin. Who knows what kinds of infections the glass could give me?

"It'd probably be a good idea to get the glass out, though... that was a good hit, by the way."

I held onto her tightly -- but not too tightly -- wincing lightly as she ran her hand over my back. I briefly shut my eyes tightly, getting over the swells of burning pain that occured with even her soft touch. Sheesh, it's amazing how much adrenaline can numb pain.... I hadn't realized how much it hurt until now; like being stung by a hundred angry yellow jackets in different spots.

Trying to ignore that horrible sensation was like trying to ignore the fact that you're dying of thirst. It was hard as hell to forget, especially when your nerves were running haywire and screaming at your brain to fix whatever was upsetting them.

It didn't make things better when I saw Landon get to his feet. Honestly, I didn't know what his problem was -- why didn't he like me being with Jana? Yeah, I know I can be unpredictable and horribly unstable, but....

He just wants to take her away from you.

My eyes grew distant. Of course he does...

He knows how much you love her, and to take her away from you would bring him great joy.

What do y--

He knows how much it'll destroy you to take away the only thing keeping you semi-sane. Just look at him -- he knows how to kill you from the inside, out.

I watched Landon; everything he did seemed to just drip in venom towards me. How much hate could one person possess? And to turn on your best friend like that was just awful. Don't take my word for it, though. I've never had a best friend until I met Jana. I was beginning to sense that Landon was a threat to Jana; I don't know why, but it was mixed feelings, like when you really want something but at the same time you don't -- confusing like that. I narrowed my eyes onto him. He wasn't going to get away with hurting Jana again -- not as long as I was still standing.

I let go of Jana and positioned myself so that I was between her and Landon. Already I could feel my heart beating faster, forcing blood and adrenaline through my veins. I began shaking as my body tensed, ready to spring at Landon.

"I'm willing to fight you one-on-one, right here, right now. Hurting her was a bad decision."

I wasn't quite sure what I was doing, but at the moment, I was being led blindly by my rage whether it was false or not. I was hellbent on making sure Landon wouldn't hurt her again in anyway, and if it meant attacking him, by all means I would -- and I did.

The next thing I knew, I was lunging at the other boy, hand clenched into a fist as I swung it at his face. He wasn't going to get away with this anymore. Hell no.

The shock that ran up through my arm as my fist connected with Landon's head was incredible. I hadn't experienced anything quite like this in a long time, and--... and it felt good. Mix the sensations with adrenaline as sweet as nectar from a honeysuckle, and I've just managed to give myself a dose of my own heroine. My entire body tensed up as I took a sharp intake of air, feeling my heart beating furiously against my ribcage to pump the drug-like adrenaline through bulging veins to my extremities.

You like it, don't you?

"Stop it, stop it, stop it... Please you're both killing me..."

Even though Jana's voice was soft, it cut through me like wire through clay. I had absolutely no intentions of hurting Jana, and yet I still managed to hurt her. How-- how could I? I loved her, didn't I? Of course I did; more than anything in the world. But people weren't supposed to hurt their loved ones in any way, and look what I was doing: hurting the one I loved.

Before I could fall on top of Landon, I quickly spread out my hands to catch my self, arms straddling his body. As much as I hated Landon at the moment, as much as I wanted to bite out his windpipe, I hated more what I had done to Jana.

What're you doing?

"I hurt her. I can't do this."

Yes you fucking can! You're already so close -- his throat is right there! Remember what he did to her--

"Him and I fighting is hurting her, too, you know."

I stood up and backed away from Landon, my now worrisome eyes watching him carefully. I was not going to fight him anymore unless serious harm was done to Jana; but for now, I needed a distraction. Adrenaline was still running through my bulging veins and I was shaking; I needed to get away before I did anything else, but I couldn't just leave Jana. What was I to do?

I cast her a brief helpless glance before turning to look long and hard at the nearby forest, contemplating what short-lived peace may be waiting for me there. Turning back to Landon, I took another step away from him; then another, and then another. I wanted to put enough space between him and I so that if he tried anything, I'd get a head start in running away from him.

Maybe it had been a bad idea to come. Why had I even suggested doing this? Even though I thought it was the right thing to do, I knew something like this was bound to happen; it always does. I can never meet new people or do anything without panicking or attacking someone, and all the while hurting Jana.

I was afraid, really, to approach her. Heaven knew how she would react to me trying to comfort her after trying to kill her childhood friend. I just couldn't bear it all at once. Dropping my gaze to the dark ground, I didn't look up; not to Landon, not to her father, and not even to Jana. My fragile mental stability was still at its breaking point and I feared that looking anywhere else but at the ground would do me no good. In a small, weak, hoarse voice, I managed to utter an apology to all of them.

"I'm--.... I'm sorry..."

The door to the house opens and absentmindedly I lift my gaze up -- and immediately wished I hadn't. Mr. Hale had appeared, wielding a first aid kit and an axe. Oh no -- ohhhh no. What had I gotten myself in to? Needless to say, I was frightened like an orphaned fawn in the path of a bloodthirsty hunter. My whole body was tensing to enter flight mode, muscles coiling and my heart beginning to race frantically.

But Mr. Hale never reaches me. He goes for Landon to check him, then ushers him inside. I give a discreet sigh of relief, slowly starting to relax. There was no need to feel so uptight anymore; the main source of it was gone, and all that was left was Jana.

As I turn to look at her with my reddened eyes, I notice her coming towards me. I was halfway expecting her to start scolding me any second in which I would instantly shrink down, but no, she didn't yell, but rather confused me.

"Dominic, are you ok? I was so worried about you... Thank you...."

Thank you? What had I done to deserve thanks? I had been going in for the kill with Landon, anticipating the moment I would watch the light fade from his eyes and feel his pulse weaken beneath my fingers. I was honestly too confused to even answer her question, so I stood there, shivering lightly and watching her. I was ready for the harsh comments, though; already I was bracing myself for the "How could you!" and stuff of that nature. Who wouldn't chastise me for what I had done? I was even beating myself up because of it.

And then she was running at me. My eyes went wide and I barely had time to even react -- to protect myself if she was going to slap me or anything -- but no. She held me in an embrace, of all things to do to someone who nearly killed your friend. I was so used to being beaten after attacking someone that instantly tensing up at her embrace was only instinctive; but as soon as I realized what she was doing, my muscles loosened up and I hesitantly returned her hug, still somewhat expecting punishment for what I had done.

"No, no, it's not your fault. I just.... lost control, is all. Please, if anything, don't think this is your fault."

It was more instinct that kicked in when I tightened my arms around her, feeling as though at any moment she could slip from my grasp. I felt horrible for hurting her the way I did, and I wanted to make it up to her. But how? How can you make up attempted murder? I lowered my head slightly, overwhelmed with regret.

Dominic knew he loved her with all his heart. And as he held onto her, worrisome thoughts crossed his mind. What if her family disowned her because of him? He certainly didn't want that to happen, especially when she held her father and Landon so near and dear to her. The boy knew what it was like to live without anyone from your family or close friends being there, and it was horrible -- something he desperately wanted her to not have to live without. Already the tensions between her and Mr. Hale and Landon were putting a strain on him; but if you loved someone enough, couldn't you also love them enough to let them go?

"Even if you knew it would happen, I still would've attacked him. It's--..... it's sort of become my nature to attack someone when I first meet them...."

His voice trailed off in the second half of is comments, eyes letting their gaze grow distant. It was true, too: when he had first met Jana, he had tried to hurt her. The same with Themba and Ayane, and Reid. His nature, he knew, was growing more and more demented with each strike, each harsh word, and each new person. It would only be a matter of time before he really did gouge his thumbs into someone's jugular notch, or drove the heel of his foot into someone's solar plexus, or clamped his hands hard around someone's neck, crushing their windpipe. The thought frightened him, causing his eyes to widen.

"I-I can't believe how close I came, either..."

Dominic's voice was wavering as he spoke, tone evident of the confusion and terror that gripped him. His gaze slowly drifted back to Jana, but as soon as the door opened the boy jumped, jerking his head around to see her father coming towards them.

The man's words stung like the stinger of a yellow jacket, causing him to lower his eyes. Mr. Hale couldn't really believe that -- could he? That Dominic was eventually going to make Jana a target of one of his schizophrenic outbursts. But apparently the man did think that, and it pained the boy. Dominic had to find some quiet place to think, or to at least get a hold of himself.

"I need to walk this off a little. I won't go far. I'll be back."

He told her quietly, giving one last tight hug before letting go of her. The boy knew that removing himself from the situation would be best for him, though he meant it when he said he would not go far and would be back. Backing up a few steps, he gave Mr. Hale an apologetic bow of his head, turned to Jana for a moment, then disappeared into the forest.



((Gahh. Dx Such a wretched post.))

"Please be careful! I'll be here when you get back.."

He didn't really expect that she would go anywhere since it was her house, but half of him had almost wished for her to have fallowed him. The boy figured it was probably better that she had stayed since this was his battle to fight -- not that he knew how to fight it other than being with Jana, but he had to find a way to put a stop to this.

Heading deeper into the woods at a determined walking pace, fists clenched in his pockets, reddened eyes locked onto the ground ahead of him so as to not trip over any stray roots or limbs. With each ragged breath he took, unanswered questions popped into his head: Of all people, why me? Why can't I get rid of the voice? What is it that makes me so prone to attacking people? Why do I enjoy someone else's blood so much? I'm not a savage -- am I? The thought gripped him harder than the chill of the night wind did, a dreadful feeling of helplessness overwhelming him. He hadn't asked to be this way, so why had it been thrust upon him? Did some higher power believe that he was strong enough to overcome it? I'm not strong enough, though. I've never been that strong. I can't control it.

Of course you can't control me.