[M:2982250]
Lost But Not Found [[Prent, Open]]
Aug 6, 2010 14:51:30 GMT -5
Post by Lulu on Aug 6, 2010 14:51:30 GMT -5
[/color] Heidi growled. "What do you have?"[/color]
Everything that felt so right is wrong, now that the love is gone.
The day was rainy and dark; the gray, overcast sky made it seem more like nighttime than three o'clock in the afternoon, which was what it really was. This wasn't the norm for a Summer day in Panem.The atmosphere suited Heidi Cross's mood, though. Well, seeing as she was unhappy nearly all of the time now, a day like this would always suit her mood.
Eariler that morning, following her recovery from a particularly long night of hallucinations, she'd decided it was time to make a trip back home. Not because of an urge to see her parents--ugh, no. But because she'd been wearing the same outfit for the past week: a black hoodie and light colored jeans. Both were items she'd had since she was about fourteen (Heidi had stopped growing by her early teen years), so even without the grime they became coated in from the filthy District Eight streets they were in terrible shape. It was time to change
And maybe she'd snatch a couple of twenties from the safe behind the picture frame in her parents' bedroom. A hundred or so would get her a few good trips, if she used it sparingly. She didn't have enough to waste any on food. Besides, she was rarely hungry anymore. If she desperately needed something to eat she'd find something; steal it, maybe. Thievery wasn't a big deal to her anymore, because ever since she'd left home the morals she'd grown up on had become nonexistant.
Around eight she started heading down the familiar street that led to the house she'd grown up in. It was a nice townhouse in the better part of Eight; her family had never been bad off like most of the district's citizens. But this area was one the apprehensive eighteen year old stayed away from lately; wouldn't want to run into any old acquaintances, would she?
Her parents commonly left for work at seven, so they should be long gone by now. That was the plan, really; sneak in, grab what she needed, leave. If they weren't home she could probably use the door, but just in case she'd climb up the fire escape to the window of her old bedroom. It was always unlocked; she'd left it that way when she'd run away the first time, the day of Jared's funeral. And even though her parents must have noticed, they always kept it open anyway. It was like they nursed a constant hope that the next time their daughter climbed through that window she'd be returning for good.
Well, she wouldn't.
Getting in was easy. Once she climbed into the room she went straight to the closet, not pausing to survey her surroundings. The bed with the purple plaid comforter and the desk laden with all of her personal items would be too painful to observe closely, a constant reminder of what she'd willingly lost. In theory, she could always return to it. But that was much easier said than done.
She grabbed a couple of clothing articles without really noticing what they were and left the room immediately, unintentionally slamming the door behind her. Once in the hallway she took a moment to compose herself, breathing deeply. No, this was no good. She had to stop thinking about the past, it was useless. Besides, life was better now. No more pain. No more loss. No more love.
It was easier in her parents' room. She didn't miss them much. She was too numb to miss them, she'd made it past the missing part. Now thoughts of them were just like bothersome flies to her; when they crossed her mind she could swat them away without feeling a thing. So she went straight to the picture frame, purposely averting her eyes so she wouldn't have to see the picture inside it--a family portrait, taken just a few years previous--and lifted it off the hook it was on. She was about to put in the combination that would unlock it when suddenly she heard a voice in the doorway.
"Heidi?"
It was a hesitant, soft, feminine voice, the first voice she'd ever heard when she'd been born; a voice that hadn't spoken to her since she'd left last year. But it was impossible to forget the voice of your own mother.
Heidi swung around, her stomach turning unpleasant cartwheels in her abdomen. This wasn't supposed to happen. Why wasn't she at work? Why was she home? This was supposed to be a quick trip to grab a couple of necessities, it wasn't supposed to have...complications.
Her mother's eyes, precisely the same shade of chocolate brown as her own, gazed at her searchingly, even hopefully. "Are you--" she began, but she stopped before she could finish the sentence. Heidi knew what she'd been about to say. 'Are you back?' That was the one thing she knew her mother wanted most of all. She wanted her daughter home. But Heidi Cross was through bending to fulfill the wishes of others. What mattered now was herself, and only herself.
"You look..." Her mom's voice trailed off again as she stared at her in disbelief. Horrible, Heidi finished in her mind. Yes, she did look horrible. But did she care? Not in the slightest.
Her mother's next words surprised her. "What do you need? Money? Food? Anything?" she asked, desperation in her eyes. When Heidi didn't respond, her voice took on a slightly more hysterical tone. "Please, just tell me!"
But Heidi just stared at her, willing her expression to remain apathetic because she knew if she let her guard down for even one moment she'd probably burst into tears. It wasn't worth it. She couldn't take anything from the house now. She didn't want her family to think she needed them for anything, anything. She stood alone now. So because of that, she dropped the clothes in her arms, ran to the window, unlocked it and went outside, leaving her mother standing in shocked disbelief.
Of course, now she had no clothes or money. Convenient.
Oh, she needed a trip. She needed a nice, long trip that would make her see other things, unreal things, things that were less distressing to face than the present. She needed drugs, and she needed them now. But she was pretty much broke.
That wasn't going to stop her from trying, though.
An hour later she made it to the hideout of a dealer she knew, in an alleyway between two unfrequented factory buildings. "Brick!" she hissed harshly into the shadows. Why he called himself Brick was a mystery to her, but she didn't care enough to question him about it.
His face appeared from behind a dumpster; he was blinking as if her call had just awakened him. "Whozat?" He muttered. It was obvious to Heidi that he'd been tripping the night before, same as her.
"It's me, stupid!"
"Iz nine in the mornin', what the hell d--"
"What do you have?" [/color]She repeated, more urgently than the last time. He grunted and stumbled to a standing position, but looked more awake right away.
"What do you have?" He asked her, raising his eyebrows. Rather sheepishly she reached into her pocket and pulled out the only remaining bill she had; a crumpled up five. He glared at her dubiously. "Five bucks? What d'yeh expect to get with five bucks? I ain't givin' yeh nuthin for five bucks!"
"Oh, come on. Anything!"[/color]
"No way, man!" As he spoke he retreated back behind his dumpster. "Come back when yeh've got more cash!" She knew he wouldn't talk to her again now. Not until she came back with more money. So, pissed, and in desperate need of a drug, she stalked out of the alleyway.
She was unsure of where to go. Her current residense was a corner of the bottom floor of an abandoned warehouse, but she had no wish to go back there yet. It wasn't a very welcoming place. So, with no destination in mind, Heidi cross stumbled around the street, refusing to think about everything she'd lost. [/blockquote][/size][/color]
