Azulon [District 2]

Hi there, Trey.

So before I can accept him, I need for you to fix a few things.

1) Your paragraphs are all very short, so it would be nice if you would add more information. I also believe that the length of your sentences has something to do with that, so please lengthen your sentences. An example: "He is always cold so he wears a coat at all times," could go to "He is always very cold because of ... and he wears a coat at all times because of it. And then you can go into detail about his favorite coat or something. ;) Make sure to do that with most of your sentences.

2) Your sentences could really use some correct punctuation. For example:

"Azulon is about 6 feet tall and has blond curly hair he dosent care what people say about him or what they think he can be the rudest person on earth."

That could (and should be) changed to this: "Azulon is about 6 feet tall, and he has curly blond hair. He doesn't care what people say about him or what they think, and sometimes he can seem to be the rudest person on earth."

Not only does that sentence make much more sense, but it flows better and it's actually longer than the previous sentence. Work on the grammar and punctuation, and other things will come easier to you as well.

3) I would also suggest that you run this application through a Word document to spell-check it, because you have misspelled words in some places that make this application difficult to understand.

4) In his appearance, you have some information that doesn't actually pertain to how he looks. Usually this is fine, but only if it has something to do with the other information that you're writing about. To me it seems as if you've just thrown a few random facts in there. This is mostly a problem in the last two sentences. How does his favorite color tie in with his appearance at all? He can't stand the cold, so how does that affect his appearance? You already talked about the jackets that he usually wears, so perhaps remove that sentence?

5) He needs at least one clear physical flaw. Scars do not count.

6) No Careers in District Twelve. It's not allowed.

7) Generally, if his brother died in the Hunger Games, he would do everything possible to keep OUT of the Games. People don't usually want to send themselves places where death is imminent. Please remove that information. If you would like to make him a Career, perhaps edit this so that he lives in Districts 1, 2, or 4?

8) You also have information in his personality that doesn't belong there. Weapon information can go into his history (remove that part about the trident unless you plan on moving him to District 4), and please add information about his actual personality traits.

9) Back to his appearance because I just remembered something, but please remove that part about him not usually being spotted in a crowd. A 6 foot tall guy with a scar over his eye (Is he blind in that eye?) would be difficult to overlook.

10) Please put a space between each paragraph for organizational purposes.

Post here when you're done editing. Please make sure that all of the information is detailed and coherent before you ask for it to be reviewed again. ^^ Good luck!