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Takeba... So close. It seemed to Naida as if this wretched curse was following her. Her brother Raiden died in the Games, then her friends Alba and Takeba. All dead. All murdered by other tributes desperate to get home. Alba died in the Bloodbath, Raiden and Takeba died in the final two. It all hurt. The feeling was almost that of being stabbed in the heart with an icy blade. The thought made her shiver. Whenever she heard or thought of the word sword or blade images of the deaths of those close to her filled her mind. Naida had broken after the 55th Games. Snapped, fell apart. Ever since then she'd been trying to piece things back together. Raviv and Ilayda... Her darling siblings. They still stoof beside her. They were her rock. She dared not burden her parents with her grief, they had enough of their own. No parents should ever bury their child. But every year, twenty three children would die. Their families and friends would mourn them, and the Games would play on. Even right now, another Hunger Games had just begun. It was relentless. Green-blue eyes threatened to spill tears. But Naida forced her mind to a happier thought. Dillon. Alba's cousin. He had helped her to cope with the lose of Alba, and didn't shy away from her insanity.

Got a picture of you, I carry in my heart
Close my eyes to see it, when the world gets dark
Got a memory of you, I carry in my soul
I wrap it close around me, when the nights gets cold

Winter in the fishing District was losing its hold as March rolled around. The snow had melted to slush and mud, and was gone completely in some parts of the District. It left the ground squishy and brown. But as Naida walked along the beach she couldn't help but smile. She could see the sand again. The tiny tan-white grains all working together to cover the stretch of beach. The air and sea were still cold, but the sun was beginning to warm them. Looking up at the clear sky, she could feel the warmth raining down on her. It was like Raiden was looking down on her. He would have been twenty this year... Her chest seized up with the thought. Raiden would have been a man by now. What would that have been like? Fifteens years, that was all he had be allowed before the 51st Games took him. And as a summer birthday, he had just turned fifteen at that. It still amazed her how much time had gone by since that day. How the world went on as if he were never existed. Right after Raiden's death she had been angry at everything. The sun shouldn't shine, flowers shouldn't grow on his grave, the birds shouldn't be singing their merry little tunes... But now she had realized that this beautiful place was her home. And she still had the rest of her family who deserved to enjoy life.

If you asked me how I'm doing
I'd say just fine
But the truth is, baby
If you could read my mind

As her stride covered more of the beach a faint figure came into view. Naida cringed. She was alone. No one was around to help her regain control if this stranger set her off into one of her break downs. Heartbeat increasing, there mere thought of a break down made her nervous. Naida knew all too well that once she got started it took hours of coaxing to get her to calm down. This peaceful walk had suddenly become nerve wracking.

"Raiden, help." Her voice was a pained whisper.

"Shh. Easy little one. You're fine, I'm fine. Takeba and Alba are fine. Just relax and trust yourself. Unlike her own voice, his came with a smooth confidence.

"You've been watching the whole time, haven't you? You always know what I'm worried about before I do." The corners of her mouth twitched into a small smile.

"Of course I have. And I've always been able to read you like an open book because you trust me to. You don't keep things from me.

"I miss you everyday Raiden. Never forget that I love you.

"Never, I promise. And I'll be waiting for you and the rest of the family. But I hope you all live long happy lives before joining me."

And it still amazes me
That I lie here in the dark
Wishin' you were next to me
With your head against my heart

By now the figure she'd seen was identifiable as a male slightly older than herself. She winced. Somehow guys were more intimidating than girls. And she didn't have Raviv or Dillon here to protect her from him. Maybe he was perfectly nice? That seemed unlikely. He looked more to Naida like a career of some sort. Four was full of them. They weren't as rich or favored as Two or One, but they were just as deadly. The upper Districts may have the money, but they were raised on the rigs of ships. Four built strong children. And whenever there was water or swimming involved, all others were doomed. But that part of Four never appealed to Naida. It was the quiet life beside the sea that she enjoyed most. Her family owned a small fish shop that she worked in with her siblings. The community had been so supportive when Raiden was killed. It still amazed her how many people showed up to the wake and funeral. The sun had shined that day, and the birds still sung. In the scheme of things humans could vanish from the world, and it would still go on. As she drew closer to the boy her feet began to drag, leaving ruts in the sand behind. She forced herself to focus on the sound of the tide pouring in and out, crashing on the rocks. This is home, not the Capitol. She was not in Games, no one she loved was in the Games this year. Breath in, breath out. It's going to be ok, someway, somehow.

Minutes turn to hours
And the hours to days
Seems it's been forever
That I've felt this way

((ooc- I believe Tea will be joining us at some point. ^^))

As soon as the boy noticed her Naida froze up. There was nothing she could bring herself to do. Not to run, not to speak. All she could think of was that she was alone with a stranger. She hadn't even brought her fishing spear. Naida began to tremble slightly. She'd been doing better as far as her metal stability, but this was too much too soon. The warmth of the sun was forgotten, her veins ran cold with terror. He's going to kill me... Or hurt my siblings. No, no, I can't do this. Green-blue eyes flickered nervously from the boy to stretch of beach behind him. Everything inside her was screaming for her to run, but her legs refused. He took a few steps towards her, and she winced with each step. The sound of the sand under his feet was torture. Even the sea couldn't help her now. Why didn't I bring Raviv or Dillon? Stupid, stupid, stupid! Granted Raviv was only just turned thirteen, but still he offered protection. Her younger brother was fiercely protective of her and nine year old Iladya. The normally quiet boy could turn hellishly determined in seconds. And Dillon.. Surely he would help her out if he knew what was going on right now.

I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone gotta let'em go

""Hi! I'm Gregg!"

"Stay away. Please don't hurt me, I just want to go home... Tears started to well up in her eyes, but deep down was a flare of anger. She would fight furiously if he tried to hurt her. She had people who loved her, and needed her.

"Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay. Dead, they're all dead damn it! Why... Why... I miss you Raiden, Alba, Takeba...

Now obviously shaking Naida took a few staggering steps back. Escape was what was running through her mind. The waves breaking on the sand, and the rays of the sun were no longer able to comfort her. This was what she was afraid of. She couldn't handle this by herself. All she had wanted was a nice quiet walk. The way he looked at her, it shook her up further. Maybe it was her imagination, but he was eying her up like she was defective or something. And that hurt. Because in a way she was. Five years ago she was a happy confident girl, now she was broken under the weight of the deaths of those she'd loved and lost. The anger flared up again, What does he know? Nothing, he has no right to judge me. I'm not perfection, but neither is he. Naida was obiviously over looking the fact that she was the spitting image of her brother, only with colored eyes and hair. All four of the siblings looked very similar, actually. And then there was the fact that she'd had to be dragged off of Raiden on live tv at his reaping. But when your mind is in a frenzied panic, those details were easily left out.

I'm gonna let you go style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile

"Hussh my poor Naida. You're going to be alright."

"Raiden. Oh, thank you. I- I was so scared." The relief crept into her whisper.

"You're okay, I promise. If I though for a minute you weren't I'd tell you to run.

"I trust you. I'm sorry, I still make you worry about me..."

"I'd worry about you no matter what you did. It's my job as your big brother."


"Thank you."

You can't help how you don't feel
And it does'nt matter why
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
'Cause that's how I want you to remember me

Naida laughed bitterly to herself. How crazy she must sound to Gregg. Talking to seemingly herself. But his opinion didn't matter. He was someone that she'd run into on the beach. She would never have to deal with him again. He would be like everyone else. Look at her with pity and move on. No one wasted their time trying to help the mad girl from Four. In their minds she had completely lost it. But as far as Naida was concerned, she was just wounded. Her heart was broken, and mending it was taking a very long time. Even once it was done, the scars would be left behind. She had lost so much already, everything she still had was precious. Something few careers or Upper District citizens could understand. And forget about the Capitol, they were just monsters. They had gained enjoyment from watching her brother, Alba, and Takeba being killed. It made her stomach churn violently. A few dry heaves double Naida over. The very idea was so sickening and upset, if she had eaten this morning she surely would have thrown up. But she had gone out alone without eating, despite Raviv and Ilayda's offers to come with her. They were her baby brother and sister.She was supposed to watch them. It had been the reverse as she fought with her so-called insanity.

I'm gonna let you go style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile

Ever so slowly Naida got to her feet, a tiny smile on her lips. Raiden was here, somewhere in the clouds protecting her. He had intervened just as things were getting out of hand. It was his way of helping. Letting her do things on her own, until she was pushed beyond her limited, then he would step in and bring her back down. She watched Gregg carefully, what would he think of her violent display of emotions? So help her if he did anything remotely threatening she would be out of here so fast. Naida had had more than enough excited for the day, and it wasn't even past lunch time yet. This was ridiculous really. All this panicking over a beach goer. But in Naida's world everything was different. Anything that could remotely threaten what she had left was an enemy. That was why befriending Dillon had been such a miracle. Even if the two of them had a rocky start. She had come so far in a year, really it was a miracle she had even considered going for a walk by herself.

I'm gonna smile so you can find the courage
Laugh,
so you wont see me hurtin'
I'm gonna let you go Style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna
Smile

Much to her surprise, Gregg hadn't left. Most people would simple write it off as the insane Gardez girl acting up and move on with their day. It wasn't as if any of them could help her anyway. Naida was so far in her own tormented world, only a select few could reach her now. Her siblings, Dillon... They could help her, they were more than happy to help her. All she had to do was let them. The sounds of the waves began to fill her ears again. Home. She was still safe and sound in Four. Not trapped in the hellish arena with Raiden, Alba, and Takeba. Only problem was that this strange stood near her, casting his shadow over her. It was terrifying for the girl who had become so estranged to everything around her. But ever so slowly, the sound of the gulls joined the waves in her ears. Soon the sun's warmth returned as well. Home. I'm at the beach. I'm okay. She looked up at Gregg and shivered before standing up, and dusting the sand off her pants. Still she couldn't meet his eyes. A small tremor was still running throughout her body. "You don't know who I am... If you did you would know... You'd see why I'm like this..." The words shook, as did her body. Maybe he hadn't seen Raiden at the Reaping or on TV. Perhaps that's why he didn't see what so many others knew with one glance.

Tell me what I have to do tonight
Cause I’d do anything to make it right
Let’s be us again

The sand shifted beneath Naida as she took two large step back, stepping her shoulder angle in a defensive manner. It wasn't everyday she had to cope with this. Most people gave her a few words of sympathy and that was that. This guy seemed to be determined to find out what was wrong with her. Nothing. He can't do anything to help me. He doesn't know the pain of losing someone the way I have. Naida's gut twisted in nervous discomfort, this was pushing her too far. Sweaty palms, eyes flickering all about, there was no hiding her fear. What she wouldn't do for some inner peace. There were some things that even Raiden couldn't fix. Things that were up to her, and that's where her recovery got hard. How can you heal youself when you don't trust yourself?

Here I stand,
With everything to lose and all I know is I don’t wanna ever see the end
Baby please I’m reaching out for you
Won’t you open up your heart and let me come back in
Let’s be us again

"Almost there Naida. Let yourself relax a little, I'll do the worrying."

"Big brother... Stay with me."

"I'm already with you, always. Everywhere you go, I'm there too. But somethings I have to let you figure out on your own."

"That's more than I could ever ask for. You've done so much for me, I can't ever thank you enough."

"I don't need any thanks. I just want to see the rest of my family happy and healthy, that's enough for me."

Look at me, I’m way past pride
Isn’t there some way that we can try to be us again
Even if it takes awhile ill wait right here until I see that smile
That says we re us again

Naida growled in frustration and agony. He didn't realize who she was. That means she would either have to explain or run home in shame. How could he not remember Raiden? He had been the runner-up of his Games, and she looked so much like him... Why didn't things ever go her way? It seemed no matter what she did, something always came to knock her down. For every step forward it was like three steps back. Naida could never get ahead. Why get up when every time you get kicked back down? The smell of the March air, and the sounds of the sea were all that were keeping her from bursting. It was sort of a lullaby for her. It came with memories of being on the beach with all of her siblings. Learning to swim with Raiden, catching her first fish with him... He'd been such a huge part of her life, and now he was gone... Has been gone for five, almost six years now...Raviv had been eight when he was killed, Ilayda only four. But they knew. They knew their brother was gone. The second that blade torn his chest open...

Some believe
A star shining brightly in the heavens
Represents the love of someone they can't see

With an exasperated sigh Naida let herself crumble onto the beach. Grains of sand caressing her tanned skin. Really she needed to just lie here for awhile. Her heart was pounding, and her lungs burned for air. These panic attacks took so much out of her. They'd damaged her. The weight lose, dark circles under her eyes, constant trembling, crying herself to sleep every night. The only comfort was when her little sister would crawl into bed with her. Naida would cling to the her small frame and cry until Ilayda's little voice began to sing her to sleep. Talk about the roles being reversed... The nine year old was taking care of her sixteen year old sister. I can't even look after myself... Green-blue eyes looking up at Gregg, filled with a pained expression. Reflecting the suffering she'd been through over the years. He didn't know. He couldn't understand what was wrong with her. She was scaring him, it was plain to see. He thought she was crazy. Gregg was just like the rest... A bitter chuckle escaped her. "I scare you. You think I'm crazy. I should have known you wouldn't understand... But after all, I am just a psycho. What would I know?"

Others feel
The butterfly dancing in their garden
Is a symbol of a spirit flying free

~Start flashback~

I curled up on my bed sobbing. The reaping was tomorrow, I wasn't old enough, but Raiden was. I am terrified of what is to happen to my brother. It's out of my control, nothing I do could protect him. Come hell or high water, I was helpless. Another round of pitiful sobs escape my lips.

The door creaks and I pause. Raiden. He steps into Ilayda and I's room, carefully not to disturb the sleeping four year old. It was amazing my crying hadn't already awoken her. A sad smile flickered on his face, "What's wrong little one? I heard you crying all the way from my room."

"The r-reaping is tomorrow... You could die.... Don't leave!" I choked on the words as they tumbled out. Hugging my knees to my chest the sobbing began again.

"Hussh. Everything will be okay. No matter what happens, I'll be right here." He puts his hand over my heart. "And besides there are thousands of boys in District Four, the chances of me being reaped are slim to none."

I managed a small smile. Maybe he was right, and nothing would go wrong tomorrow. "Stay with me tonight?"

"Just for tonight. Okay little one." He climbs into bed with me and I snuggle up to him as close as possible. His warmth provides me with enough comfort to drift off to sleep with his arm around my waist.

~End Flashback~

But when a gentle breeze caresses your hair
Or you see an eagle soar in the air
Should you smile and remember me in prayer
Oh, I will be there

Tears streaked down Naida's face as she returned to reality. It wasn't fair. Why did children still have to die for the rebels wanting freedom over fifty years ago? It made no sense. The Capitol doesn't have to make sense.... The bitter thought rang true. Anyone who defied the Capitol was Avoxed or killed. Freedom seemed like a hopeless dream. Children would continue dying until the end of time... 1,288 children dead in fifty-six Hunger Games, and the 57th was under way... They say no one's luck is so bad as to have two children from the same family reaped, but look at the D12 victor. Aranica. Her brother had been reaped and killed. It could happen. Until Ilayda hit nineteen, Naida couldn't have any sense of peace. It wasn't right. Why did she get to live and have a chance to be happy when Raiden was dead!? He deserved to live more than she did... It wasn't fair, never fair...

Close your eyes
You'll find me sailing in the sunset
Riding waves of bluest oceans ever seen
Holding hands
Of all the others here before me
My head upheld to hear the angels sing

Naida managed a small smile. Raiden still spoke to her, that was more than most people got when their loved ones died. He never would have wished his death on anyone. Four is a career District, there had been volunteers for him. He turned them all down. Raiden's heart of gold wouldn't allow anyone to go to their death in his place. He'd even been smiling when he passed... I count my blessing for having such a beautiful person as my brother. And for the loving family I still have. Naida had managed to tune Gregg out for a while, but now he had returned to her mind. What to do, what to do... She sighed, Raiden Gardez... Fifty-first Games. Look at me, what do you see?

I can do all the things I've always dreamed of
I'll be watching over you from above
Don't worry about me because
I brought along all your love

"You still don't get it! Raiden Gardez, runner-up of the Fifty-first Games was- no is, my brother... Alba, and Takeba were friends..."

Trembling still, Naida grabbed a handful of sand and threw it at Gregg with a frustrated scream. It was a feeble attempt to release some of her pent up emotion, she cared not who the victim of her outburst was. The Games aren't fair, the Capitol isn't fair, life isn't fair... Raiden didn't do anything worth dying for... All he ever did was take care of his loved ones, and he's dead. Why couldn't it have been me? If it had been her, Raiden would be the one suffering like this, and that would hurt just as much as this. It shouldn't have been anyone. The Games were malicious and evil, they were the embodiment of hate and fear, the hopelessness of no escape. Raviv and Ilayda.. Naida knew she caused them pain. Every time they play witness to her breaks down, a part of them break with her. The siblings were connected by more than blood. Despite living in an Upper Middle District, her family never had much. But that never mattered to them. She shrunk back from Gregg, letting out a low hiss. He was so clueless. If he had any idea of what she'd been through, he would understand why she was behaving like this. But he did know, nobody knew the exactly feeling. But at least Raviv and Ilayda know what it's like to lose our big brother...

Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you

With a violent shiver, screams erupted from Naida's crumpled form. Images of rivers of blood, finals words of loved ones, killer's eyes, swinging blades, and plain wood coffins filled her mind. These were the moments that terrified her, the times when she couldn't shake these living nightmares. Awake or asleep, it didn't matter, they still haunted her. The only solace was one of her brothers, or sister. Even her parents couldn't help. Their suffering was different, and how could they calm the daughter when they still mourn Raiden as if he died yesterday? The wounds were still fresh all these years later. The deaths Alba and Takeba scarred her deeper. So much death... Their was no way out. The Games would follow her anywhere. Naida begged for a victor from Four this year. She needed some proof, that there was even a tiny stitch of hope for those reaped from her home, The beauty of the ocean could only do some much against the ominous terror of the Games. Naida looked at careers with disgusted. Sure, she practiced fighting, but for completely different reasons. A;; she ever wanted was to protect her family, and now their the ones who have to protect her. Years ago, some would make the mistake of calling her a career. But Naida wasn't a career, she wasn't a monster like her brother's killer. Shanks... Alba's killer. He was from home, and showed remorse for his action, she could never bring herself to hate him. Topaz, Takeba's killer.. The girl's bond with the District Two girl had touched Naida. She couldn't hate the red head either. But her brother's killer... He stuck with her as a monstrosity, looming over her brother, ready to make the kill...

Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you

~~~~~

"Naida... My poor baby sister. Please, I'm begging you not to put yourself though all this pain."

"I watched you die on TV, I couldn't help..."

"But you did. Thoughts of you, Rav, Ily, mom, and dad. That's what gave me peace when I passed. Now it's time for your to find your peace."

"But how? I've lost so much..."

"I know it's hard, but you've got to learn to let go. You can't keep hanging on to all this pain, it's eating you alive."

"What if I forget?"

"I know you Naida. You'll never loose your memories of the people you love. Keep the good, release the hurt."

~~~~~

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you

"You're right there, about some things at least. I do think you are crazy, but you don't scare me. But I don't think your dumb... so what do you know that I do not?"

Hazy eyes glared up at Gregg. She needed someone to blame, and he was the easiest target. He dragged up these emotions. Dragged them up and threw them out on display. Surely he was scared of her now. Why wouldn't he be? She was crazy. No matter what he said, there had to be some fear there. Naida had broken down on the beach screaming and he just stands there, trying in vain to comfort her. You can't comfort someone when you have no clue of what it's like to be them. He was so calm, so normal. There was no way he knew what her life had been like. He had problems, everyone did, but they weren't like her issues. Her's ruled her life, they had total control. There was no escape, except when Raiden broke into her mind with his soothing reassurance. A hint of a smile slipped onto her paled lips. There was Dillon too. Her first real friend since Takeba. He'd lost Alba too, he went through mourning with her. Dillon went so far as to say she wasn't crazy, just hurt real bad. And Naida wanted to believe that was true. Doctors didn't know the suffering she knew. What right did they have to diagnose her as mentally insane and disoriented? Those were just words on a white page. Ink that knew nothing of the trouble and pain her family had faced. And here stood Gregg, just as clueless as that ink.

"I know far more than you do. I've suffered more than you could ever imagine. Have you lost three people you love? Do you know what it's like to let your little siblings down when they look to you for comfort? The list goes on, but I refuse to explain myself further.

These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you