Lost My Sanity [Open]

~Naida Gardez~

Naida had fallen so far into her own world no one could reach her anymore. Her parents had lost a second child even though she was not dead. Her younger siblings wonder why all of a sudden they're beloved older sister didn't talk, didn't smile, didn't laugh, didn't play with them anymore. It was like she'd become a stranger in her own home. She heard her mother call to tell her dinner was ready and for her to come and eat. Naida didn't respond, she wasn't hungry. Instead of recognition at her mother's voice she felt like a gust of wind with icy shards in it had gone whipping past her. Her mother had done nothing for them when Raiden died in the games. All she could do is sob and leave everything up to Naida and her father even though she still had two young children that needed her. The mere thought of it made the anger inside Naida flare up. And now with Alba dead too she felt there was nothing left to care about. Was she some sort of curse or something? Her brother, then her best friend. Just watch, when Raviv and Ilayda come of age they'll both get reaped and get murdered too. But that's what seems to happen to everyone who gets close to me. The call from her mother came again, and again it fell on deaf ears. Eventually her father came in to see what was wrong with his daughter. Asking what was the matter and telling her to come eat. What could possibly be the matter you idiot! Naida thought bitterly. A hand reached out for her should as to guide her into the family dinning area. It was smacked away. She buried her face against her knees. Getting the hint her father sighed in defeat and left.

Trapped, she felt so trapped. Rising from her seat in the corner of her bedroom Naida briskly made her way out the front door without a single good-bye or telling anyone where she was off to. Only stopping to grab her fishing spear and a bag of bait. She rushed off toward the cove she'd spent so many hours of her childhood with brother. People on the streets of District Four pitied her, the ones that knew her brother at least. It wasn't at all hard to recognize Naida as Raiden's younger sister. And making it too the final fighter her brother was pretty well known. But it only made it worse. How close he'd been to coming home, the sympathetic looks. What did they know?! How could they even begin to think they knew how she felt? She didn't know what was worse, Alba dying the first day of the games, or Raiden dying on the last. Each shattered her heart and this time she was as near positive as you could be that she couldn't possibly put all the pieces back together again. It was a distant memory, the happy, normal, well-adjusted girl she used to be. That was all gone, never coming back. She visited the graves everyday, put down new flowers everyday. But it never eased the pain. Seeing those stones was only another cruel reminder that they were gone. And I will be too, all too soon. Life is so short. Making her way down the streets of Four she wove her way in and around people, trying desperately to avoid anyone who may talk to her. The last thing she wanted right now was to have to talk to anyone, besides she didn't trust her voice at the moment anyway. How could she? It seemed every time she wanted to speak her voice either wasn't there, or came out as choked sobs. Damn the capitol, what has it done to me? And I'm not even in the games.

The cove was fairly close now. Naida could vividly remember the warm waves lapping up on the pale sand, the salty breeze, and the sweet sounds of the fish and birds that lived there. It was the place where she'd spent her last day with her brother before he'd been sent off to the arena to die. He'd reassured her that she'd be ok, but he never made any promises about himself. She couldn't help but believe he knew he was doomed to never make it home to his family and the District he loved. Ilayda and Raviv had been so young when he died that they it hadn't hurt them the way it had Naida. Of course they loved him and missed him dearly but they didn't know what it was like for their older sister. All they knew was the games meant two kids from the District left to fight until only one person lived. And the other had never been in Raiden's favor, even up to his last moment. A spear vs a sword. The spear hit its mark almost killing the victor before he leave the arena, but not before his sword had impaled her brother through the chest. She shook her head violently trying with everything she could muster to shake the images from her head. Just get to the cove. One foot in front of the over, pull it together. Sure people looked at her funny when she had the mental horror movie going on, but she'd love to see them in her position and how they'd handle it. How would they handle Losing their sanity.