i.think.i've.been.here.before //Shrimp

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i.think.i've.been.here.before //Shrimp Jan 28, 2011 21:31:41 GMT -5

Post by ∂αмєη on Jan 28, 2011 21:31:41 GMT -5

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I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world I’m coming home

Did you know that things are never what they seem to be. I mean, like, things in my life were never good. Never good, never bad. Just normal. Although, what is normal? I don't even know anymore. I don't know what kind of life I want to live anymore. I only know that things really do change. Things are never what they seem to be. If it was last year, I'd never guess that I'd spend a lot of my hours in the 24 hour day in a hospital bed with wires attached to my veins and little suction cups making circular red marks on my forehead, arms and bare chest. The rise and fall of my chest was steady, surprising for me. Everything had been so crazy around then.

Dashica Starr. I had just met her. Literally, just met her. But then again, it took me one day to grow feelings for the girl with the showers. But this girl, Dashica. Wow. She really was different from Katie. I had been confident with Ms. Morven. I had done the things I wanted to do, even if I knew they would get me nowhere. It's funny to think back about the things that have brought me here today. It's funny because I can't actually remember what brought me here. But I did know the place. The place where things really began. The smell of coffee mixed with the sounds of fingers tapping away at a keyboard, the messages probably being sent to their bosses to announce that they would not be going in for work that day because they were sick or something. I never truly understood why people would call in sick. I mean, what's the point in missing a day at work where the smell of the oil powering machines fills your nose and the sight of hard-workers sweating and swearing at the clanking in the printer. Oh, maybe that's why.

The coffee shop is in in my view now. It's not that far from the hospital. Not that far at all. I think they actually meant to do that, planning the exact location of the coffee shop so that it was easier for all the elderly patients to go there.....
The same bell rings as I step inside. My head starts to burn, suddenly making me dizzy. The memories are flooding back, twice as hard as they ever had. But maybe it will help. Maybe Dashica could come here. I did send her an invitation but nobody ever listens to my invitations. "Uh, white hot chocolate please. It's really good. Just warm enough and you can taste the chocolate, yet not too much so you aren't choking on the sugar. I wonder how they do that? It would be....pretty...cool." I end my words slowly, looking down to avoid the gaze of the obviously bored cashier.

But maybe she will come.

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the world that I’m coming-

[[OOC: Sorry for the awful post. I really couldn't think of things to write about :/]]

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Last Edit: Jan 29, 2011 21:05:10 GMT -5 by ∂αмєη

all I need's a whisper in a world that only shouts

shrimp
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i.think.i've.been.here.before //Shrimp Jan 28, 2011 23:40:57 GMT -5

Post by shrimp on Jan 28, 2011 23:40:57 GMT -5

dashica maureen starr
her actions - 866775 / her words - D9A6BD
her memories - 842F4F / her song - 999999

He had been on a hiatus for a little bit - not really appearing in her life at all, in any form whatsoever. It had seemed that, for the most part, he had once again disappeared into the confines of the "hospital". She had attempted to visit him once or twice, to see how he was doing, but whenever she went he was either out and about, or resting. So, feeling slightly dejected, she would leave, her scarf blowing slightly in the crisp wind that compressed the large District with chilly evenings and frigid mornings.

One morning, she had simply been walking home from her day at work. Dirty, tired and rather irritated, she had stopped to pick up the mail when she saw the small slip of paper, and the address was somewhat familiar - she had been visiting there a few times a month, after all. For a time, the envelope just sat on her bed, seeming to burn a hole into her blankets until she couldn't bear to leave it sitting there anymore. So with haste, she opened the letter, which bore an invitation to a little gathering, in a coffee house not too far away from the hospital. Coffee houses were particularly common places to meet in District 3, where caffeine was a must in order to survive the day, so it wasn't the location that made her nervous.

It was seeing him again; Gage. The last time they had met, she had been so overworked with emotions that she had simply broken down into a mess that was easily susceptible to love of any kind. Maybe she didn't even have a crush on him, although the fact that she kept attempting to see his face again sort of diminished those chances. But what if he had felt a similar way? Only being driven towards her because he had been rather unstable that day? The thought of being rejected yet again sent chills up her spine, and she wasn't even sure if she wanted to go. But eventually, curiosity got a hold over her fears, and she finally left the house that day, embarking on a journey to the said shoppe.

By the time she reached the location, the place was slightly crowded; lunch breaks were beginning, and workers soon began pouring into the store, ordering their lunch and their coffee and whatever they really needed to get through the day. Some people bartered for food, others paid in cash, but either way they would get what they came there for, more or less. The girl became caught up in the fast flow of people, entering and exiting, that she didn't notice that she was right at the counter until the cashier was staring at her with an extremely annoyed expression. Startled, she jumped a bit, before hesitantly ordering a small cup of coffee: black, she liked it that way.

Sighing, the girl turned to her left, wondering why she had even bothered to come to the coffee house. It seemed obvious to her that she wouldn't be able to find the boy in this mess, that he might not have even come, distracted with his health issues and whatnot. But for now, she would wait until the crowd thinned out, that would prove that he hadn't come. Slowly, her eyes trailed the cashier, who was making some liquid chocolate thing. Hot chocolate, her siblings had told her - they loved the stuff, actually. But Dashica never really had a sweet tooth; she liked the bitter things, the savory foods. Not things that would give you a cavity, which would make the fact that she could bake relatively well somewhat ironic.

Blue eyes continued to gaze at the trail of the sweet liquid, heading towards its destination, until finally her eyes rested on his face. What, he was right next to her the whole time? Dashica couldn't believe that she had been so oblivious. He looks different, she noticed. Perhaps the forest had made him look younger, stronger. But here, everyone looked weary and tired, no doubt from the stressful environment that they resided in. The girl's mouth turned slightly downward, contemplating this, before she returned to her expression of nonchalant casualness (it made sense to the girl to call it that), and tapped the boy on the shoulder.

"Hey."

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i.think.i've.been.here.before //Shrimp Feb 28, 2011 14:30:22 GMT -5

Post by ∂αмєη on Feb 28, 2011 14:30:22 GMT -5

G A G E x D E A N x C O O P E R

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Hold on tight
Wrap your arms around me til your knuckles are burning white
All your tears
Couldnt match the bitter taste of all these wasted years.
You take take
Everything that wasnt even yours
Wait wait
You dont got a hold of me anymore

Nobody can predict the course of events that happen in life. Sure, you have those people who try and convince you that they can see your future from a round ball or a deck of cards. The people around me at the hospital agreed when I said that those 'fortune tellers' were pretty damn insane. Nothing is predictable. Things can happen so suddenly that you don't have the time to catch your pieces as you seem to just break apart. Worlds can shatter. No, no skies will be falling and no Chicken Littles will be running around trying to get people to notice. Although, maybe I'm the Chicken Little. My world is breaking into pieces and all I want is for people to notice. To notice that I've never been happy.

The square filled up pretty fast. It's unbelievable how many people actually live in District Three. You rarely see people roaming the streets or sitting outside their homes. Even when you are in the factories, the huge machinery must block out the giant populated room. We are all packed together, the kids separated in their sections, the adults all trying to keep quiet because of their fear for their child's safety. My parents wouldn't care. They are gone. They could see me as I rose on the plate, fighting for my life. Maybe then they could care the slightest bit. The mayor steps up, his tongue flicking around his lips, trying to clean them. As he made his way up to the microphone, I began to actually get worried for once. Things were just starting to get better, and now they could fall apart.

In a clear view theres a silhouette
And I watch you and I cant forget
Knew we were done when you locked that door
Yeah I figured it out now
Breakings what the heart is for
When I see you in a silhouette
And you hold close
Do you feel regret
Keeping me down when I hit that floor
And I figured it out girl
Breakings what your heart is for.

This coffee shop was where I had my very first kiss. My very first kiss with the girl who would now be seen across twelve Districts and forced to fight by the sick dogs, the Capitol. I didn't expect it. I didn't want to expect it. That would have made things worse. I would've anticipated the name that was called and then broken apart even worse when I realized a Karl Miller would be the one who could protect her. I always feared the Hunger Games. My life sucked. That was easily established in my mind. The Games would not help with that. I'd die, but not happy. And that's what I want. But when her name echoed across the town square, I wanted to go. To be there beside her if she was hurt, or if she was dying. I wanted to be with Katie Morven.

"Katie Morven." Life really does suck. When you think there's nothing else that can make things worse, you are sadly mistaken. It can always get worse. It can always seem like it's the end and things will get better, but who are you kidding, it won't. The girl made her way up to the stage, her fluid movements being watched by every single set of eyes in the District. She's mine! You can't have her. I wanted to yell, but that was silly. She wasn't mine. We were nothing but co-workers who really didn't know how feelings worked. That was me at least. I wanted to believe she cared for me. I knew she didn't though. And her lips move, a quiet acceptance being let out. And the mayor steps up to the microphone again, ready to read the boy's name. And I'm hoping it's me. "Karl Miller."

For so long
Ive had to bite my tongue but whats the point if the feelings gone
I turn my head
Learned I only see some memory but all I see is red
Dont dont
Say it didnt happen that way
I wont wont
Believe another word that you say

I take a look up at the screen that is hanging from behind the counter in the coffee shop. The interview stage is all set up, the District One Female, a girl by the name of Anastasia, is sitting and speaking. I try to block out the words, but soon enough I hear her name. She begins speaking, answering Caesar's questions like how she used to speak to me. I wanted to smile or feel relieved that I could hear her voice again. But I couldn't. She was in the Hunger Games. That was not something to smile about. And when she said that there was nobody special to speak about, my heart shattered. Maybe I wanted to just hear the words from her, to know that she did care. Sure, she was going to enter an arena with twenty-three other people who could be much bigger than her. Her odds weren't looking good. If I knew she loved me...I don't even know. I know she knew I loved her. And suddenly she is telling somebody to feel better. And warmth explodes in my chest because I know she's talking to me. I close my eyes, a tear pushing it's way out.

"Katie." My voice was smooth, despite having broken down just moments before. I was trying to stay calm for her, even if it wouldn't help. I take a seat beside her, trying to keep enough distance away from her. Part of me wanted to just hold her in my arms for one last time, to be with her in this room before she left to go fight for her life. The other part knew that if I gave her too much to think about, it could be her downfall. So, I stayed a small distance away, watching her carefully, responding to anything she said. The meeting didn't last very long, thanks to the Peacekeeper who ordered me out. As I stood up, I knew I couldn't just let her leave. Leaning down slowly, my lips pressed gently against her cheek. My hand slipped into my pocket, pulling out a small bracelet made of intertwining wires. Wires that belonged to our shower. Wires that could signify so much to us yet mean nothing to somebody else. And as I broke away from the kiss, I placed the bracelet in her hands, hoping that she would at least keep it with her to remember me by. "Goodbye Katie. I know you can do this. I...just know you can."

In a clear view theres a silhouette
And I watch you and I cant forget
Knew we were done when you locked that door
Yeah I figured it out now
Breakings what the heart is for
When I see you in a silhouette
And you hold close
Do you feel regret
Keeping me down when I hit that floor
And I figured it out girl
Breakings what your heart is for

My hand rubs gently against my eyes, wiping away any more tears. "I love you Katie Morven." I mutter quietly, making sure nobody can hear it. It's just for me anyways. The conformation that no matter what, I'll be here for her, in hopes that she can return. Even if it isn't romantically, I know that I care for the girl on the screen. I go to close my eyes again and to take a sip of the white hot chocolate that rests in front of me. But a hand is tapping on my shoulder, a smooth hello ringing out behind me. I turn and look at her. "Dashica." I say, forcing a smile onto my face, even if it is weak. I wipe my eyes again, just to make sure. "How have you been?" I say quietly, wishing that the tv behind the counter would just magically turn off. They keep flashing back to some of the other tributes, and whenever Katie's face appears, my heart seems to skip a beat. "Congratulations on not being reaped." And I truly do care. I just wish Katie was as lucky. But I can't think about her now. Not while this girl is here. So I push the thought of the District Three tribute out, taking another sip of my hot chocolate to wash the feelings away.

And not a soul sleeps
Another heart skips a beat
Its every note that you wrote and I hope that you choke on the lines
Youre wasting my time, another heart beats tonight
In a clear view theres a silhouette
And I watch you, no Ill never forget
Knew we were done when you locked that door
Yeah I figured it out now
Breakings what the heart is for.

Yeah breakings what your heart is for.

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Last Edit: Feb 28, 2011 17:27:47 GMT -5 by ∂αмєη

all I need's a whisper in a world that only shouts

shrimp
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i.think.i've.been.here.before //Shrimp Mar 13, 2011 22:12:27 GMT -5

Post by shrimp on Mar 13, 2011 22:12:27 GMT -5

He's been crying.

Dashica sat down, coffee in hand, carefully studying the boy's expression. Yes, the evidence was there; eyes were bloodshot, tears had been wiped away. Had something happened? Her eyes glanced ever so slightly at what he had been staring at. The television was currently showing the girl tribute for the district - Katie Morven, it said. Perhaps he had known her. And as she finished her interview, it seemed obvious that the two of them had met. Why else would she be "speaking" to a boy who needed to get better. Why else would the boy have been crying? Furrowing her eyebrows a tad bit, she stared once at the boy, who had resumed speaking to her.

She was relieved that Katie Morven had been picked instead of her. Sure, the thoughts made her feel incredibly guilty about the fact that she'd most likely watch the girl die in a few days, but she was alive. She'd be able to actually help her family, rather than simply be hacked to bits in a rather scary arena with nobody to aid you whatsoever (after all, deep down, she wasn't really much of a people person; it'd be hard to get any allies at all, and then the fact that she didn't even know how to hold a blade would be factored in). Maybe there was an off chance that the girl was going to go far, but District 3 tributes tended to die off rather quickly.

So yes, she was very relieved. A bit sympathetic, but relived nonetheless. But clearly, he wasn't relieved at all - perhaps he had been her friend, or maybe he might have even liked her as a more-than-a-friend, but that wasn't extremely likely. After all, he had just invited her out to coffee. Depressed people do not invite someone else out for coffee when their loved one is in the games. Her reasoning might have been a tad bit narrow-minded, but it reassured her that Gage Cooper was not being an absolute arse and only decided to go on a "date" with her out of pity, or something of that manner.

"Congratulations on not being reaped," he had said, drinking his hot chocolate. She simply nodded in return, taking delicate sips of the bitter liquid which washed down her throat with an almost burning-hot jolt that could have sent her wincing in pain. But she was used to the bitterness and the heat that radiated from the drink, so she wasn't too disturbed by it. However, she made a mental note to drink some cold water later. Besides, drinking liquids would save up money for her family, instead of buying a snack or two.

In fact, on occasion she had simply contemplated stopping her consumption of most things all together, if only to help her siblings. But that probably wouldn't happen either. Instead, she would probably end up vomiting in a nearby toilet out of guilt for consuming anything that cost money. Appearances didn't matter as much anymore; it wasn't like she was conversing with all of the hot-shots in the corporate world. She could actually eat stuff now, but habits tended to stick. The coffee was fine, but perhaps if she were to eat something else... Absentmindedly stirring her coffee, she became absorbed into her worries for a few minutes, not realizing that she had sat there in complete silence until she looked up.

Would she ask about Katie Morven? No - she wouldn't. That was better left for Gage to keep to himself, so he could heal himself, not so it could fester inside of him on the off chance that... Stop that, Dashica, You never even went on an official date. What is with this over-protectiveness?. Realizing this was true, she turned a deep shade of red, eyes glancing back towards her coffee. For a time, she sat there, silent. But the need to get rid of the silence caused her to talk. Coughing once, she glanced at Gage, and quietly spoke. "I haven't seen you around. What's up?"

Last Edit: Apr 2, 2011 20:49:06 GMT -5 by shrimp

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i.think.i've.been.here.before //Shrimp Apr 18, 2011 18:47:35 GMT -5

Post by ∂αмєη on Apr 18, 2011 18:47:35 GMT -5

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G A G E x D E A N x C O O P E R

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Moistless lips meet with scalding liquid as the hot chocolate rushed down my throat. The heat pervades through every inch of my body, from the balls of my feet to the tallest strand of hair on my head. Warmth really is such an interesting feeling, one that just exhorts positivity and happiness. Even for those who would realistically be in a depressive mood could easily fall prey to the hot chocolate. That's the logic behind my hatred for the scorching drink. True, the momentary glory as you relish in the taste of the burning chocolate might be one that would sway the opinions of those with weaker resolves. I'll give it that much. However, to me, I dislike the manipulative 'power' it seems to have. I'll feel whatever damn feeling I want to feel, and I'd prefer if it wasn't altered by the deliciousness of a beverage.

But then again, everything has gotten on my nerves since that fateful day with the fateful call of a name. To most, it would appear to be just another girl, making her way into a game that would be better described as suicide. To me, the name meant so much. It was the name of a girl who was so innocent and pure that you couldn't help but smile in her presence. A girl with a beauty that wasn't alike one that attracted the stereotypical male. She wasn't seductive or provocative. Katie Morven was just herself. And to me, that was beauty beyond compare. It made it worse that the last time I'd see said beauty was via a small screen that would broadcast every last second of her life.

And yet here I was, in a coffee shop, that dastardly liquid in hand, with another girl. Dashica Starr was different. Had I grown up in an environment that helped me learn the true definition of being attracted to somebody, I suppose I would have an easier time describing my feelings towards her. If I had feelings toward her. I still couldn't figure out what it was. "I haven't seen you around. What's up?" Oh nothing. The one girl that I believe I care about is kind of reaped and although she is doing well, I fear for the worst and will probably break down into a blubbering mess if she dies. Oh, and I'm kind of unsure of how I feel towards you because I haven't really felt before. Yeah. How about you? I wish that I could say all of that without looking like an idiot. So, I don't.

"I've been finishing up with my treatment at the hospital. My bones have mended for the most part." That was the truth. The doctors said that I would be all healed within a few days. He even said that by how fast the Games were going, I might be all healed by the time the victor was crowned. When I was told that, I nearly fainted. The small chance of being able to see Katie again, while also feeling better was enough to put me in a good mood for the rest of that day. But the moods never last. My tears have already dried up, so I look up to Dashica. "How are you feeling? From...last time?" I ask quietly, remembering the first time we met. And for a brief second, Katie Morven is out of my mind. Right now, I should be focused on Dashica. And while it sounds like a lot of work, I know that thinking of Katie will only make things worse, especially if the last time I saw her was in my head or on the screen, covered in blood and dirt. I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle losing her.

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credit to shrimp

Last Edit: Apr 18, 2011 18:48:26 GMT -5 by ∂αмєη

all I need's a whisper in a world that only shouts

shrimp
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i.think.i've.been.here.before //Shrimp Apr 28, 2011 22:47:06 GMT -5

Post by shrimp on Apr 28, 2011 22:47:06 GMT -5

Let the world come rushing
Come down hard, come crushing

That was nice to hear, at the very least. The fact that the boy was recovering from not only his sudden onset of a rather scary epidemic, but also from the broken shoulder that he had obtained from rescuing her was good news. Still, she felt the tension in the air that explained that the relation between the two was anything but "good". The tone was too formal, the movements too awkward. Clearly both of them understood that what they had shared in that brief moment of emotion had been... Well it hadn't been love, at the very least.

Her stomach churned and for a brief second she felt a bit nauseous. What if he took this the wrong way? What if he actually did like her? She did like him - he was a nice person and all, but she wasn't quite sure if she liked him, and Dashica didn't want to have to let him down if she happened to not actually like him in that way. Romance had always confused her, even if she found herself tumbling down this path often. She had never felt that spark that others described having when finding that special someone, and that just seemed to make herself unsure about her feelings. So she'd release them quickly, yet snap them back up in a second, leaving the guys feeling empty.

Perhaps that's why they all eventually left her.

She had never realized this before, and now that the idea had popped into her brain, malicious, self-destruct thoughts flew around her cranium, making her self worth go even more down the drain than from what it had already been at. I'm a horrible person, aren't I. Was it something that I did? Was I... I don't know, too controlling or just not into it? Did they break up with me just because I wouldn't have sex with them or something? Fingers drummed on the table as she sipped her coffee, not caring if the scalding liquid burned her throat. Her mind was now preoccupied. Eyes wandered aimlessly for a few moments before finally settling on eyes as brown as the chocolate drink that contrasted with the owner's drink. Oh wait, he's still here. Shoot. Did I offend him with not talking?

"Uhh..." She muttered, her mind attempting to figure out some sort of understandable statement. But the only thing she could come up with was 'the weather's nice today,' which was never the best subject to bring up in any conversation. So she faltered, frantically skimming through topics in her head. Food, I don't think so... Work would just depress me... Beauty products, hell no. Why did he bring me out here anyway- She cleared her throat. "So, Mr. Gage Cooper, why exactly did you bring me out here anyways?" She raised an eyebrow, smiling. "Was it to just an excuse to eat creamy sugar chocolate or what? Hmm?"