Bury Me In Satin [Tea]

Naida's breath was ragged as she cowered in the corner of the room she shared with her younger sister. Her encounter with Gregg on the beach had terrified her. The thought of him picking up up made her blood run cold. Why would someone want to touch her? She was a basket case, no one wanted anything to do with her, what was wrong with him. It didn't make sense, she didn't know him from anywhere, and he had no clue who she was, yet he still insisted on trying to get close to her.... A frustrated groan escaped her curled up form. Why did he have to go and make things even more complicated than they already were? A wave of anger washed over Naida. Things never went right for her; life took every chance it got to screw with her. It took Raiden, Alba, and Takeba... What more could it want from me? She shifted, pulling the green wool blanket further over her lap as she pressed her back harder against the oak walls. Her recovery had been coming along nicely, and now she'd been set back again. Raviv and Ilayda must be terribly disappointed. Once again she had failed them. Raiden had always known what to do and how to take care of everything, Naida could barely take care of herself. Raviv followed her nearly everywhere to make sure nothing happened, and when she came home a mess from running into Gregg, Raviv had blame it on himself for not being there to protect her. It wasn't fair, nothing was ever fair for the Gardezs.

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Life would have been so much easier for Ily and Rav if I'd been the one who died.... Salty tears stung green-blue ears, threating to fall. Naida cringed, once again she was showing how weak she was. Proving that she was unfit to take care of her loved ones. It made her feel absolutely useless. How could she show her face in town after she'd let down her siblings? People pitied her family because of her. They would always comment on how hard it must be to a have a child like her, and that Raiden always was the sensible one. And what hurt most is what they said was true. All she ever did was cause the people she cared most about pain.

"Naida, don't do this to yourself, please.
"Raiden, what is there left for me to do? I've failed our family."
"You haven't failed anyone. The Capitol's doing is no fault of your own. But I trust you to be strong for Ilayda and Raviv."
"How can I be strong when I'm so weak?"
"Don't talk like that little one. You're one of the strongest people I know. Your loyalty to family is strong beyond belief. But sometimes when you love something you've got to let it go. Give yourself the freedom to heal and forgive yourself."
"Raiden, you always have known just what words to say. I don't mean to stay trapped in the past..."
"I know Naida. But always remember I'm safe now, and I'm always with you. You never have to do this alone, you have people who love and care about you." And with that his voice faded, leaving a gently calm in its wake.

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sound of footsteps on the floorboards stirred Naida from her dream world. The first image that came into her line of view was tattered work pants and mud covered fishing boots, as her eyes traveled upward she could see the rest of Raviv. The concern on his tanned face was obvious. She flinched, awaiting him to lecture her on locking herself away, but instead he walked over to her wordlessly. A small gasp passed her lips when Raviv knelt down beside her on the dusty floor, pulling her into a comforting embrace. Naida buried her face in his shoulder and let the tears flow; it wasn't long before her weeping had left several wet patches on his jacket. Her dear little brother knew her so well. He was both literally and figuratively a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes Naida forgot that Raviv and Ilayda had lost Raiden too, he was not just her brother, she was not the only one who was devastated by his murder. The steady strong beat of Raviv's heart was the proof she need that he was alive and well. This was what it took to show her she wasn't lost in another nightmare where death was played over and over again. There was still something missing though... A cheery little Ilayda wasn't present. "Where is Ily?" Raviv smiled gently, "I sent her to get Dillon. We could use a little help while mom and dad are out shopping for more supplies for the shop."

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

Panic was the first thing that came to Naida. Dillon couldn't see her like this, surely he'd never want anything to do with her after. But slowly she decided if he saw her at her worst and still stayed then he was a true friend. And in this life of death and betrayal real friends were hard to come by. That was the reason why Naida was so devoted to her family, she never had to question their love for her. After all she had put them through they still supported her. Carefully Naida pushed a stray strand of unruly hair from her brother's blue-green eyes, eyes that mirrored her own in many ways. Her gesture brought a smile to her brother's face. It was a sign to him that she was still there. Somewhere in the mess that sat before him, his older sister still remained. All was not lost, not yet.

The ballad of a dove
Goes with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them