Haddock Garson District 12

Hey Steve :3

So let us start with this review :D

appearance
You say that he is 6'8" at 105 lbs, correct? Well he wouldn't be 50% pure muscle. He'd be 100% bones. You see, that would give Haddock a BMI (Standard Body Mass Index) of 11.5. Now, that would mean that he's dead.

Using this site: BMI Calculator, I insert the height and weight of the character. Now, any BMI that is under 18.5 is considered underweight. So not only is Haddock grotesquely underweight, but since the body needs certain nutrients and such, being 105 lbs. at that height is like being 70 lbs. and 5'5". You only weigh like that when you're in a concentration camp (Unfortunately, I'm not kidding. From eyewitness accounts, many of the prisoners at german concentration camps weighted about 80 or so lbs.), or dead, like I mentioned already. So therefore, you need to either give him more weight, or make him shorter to have a much more reasonable BMI.

In addition, you don't have red eyes unless if you're albino. You should change this to a realistic eye color.






personality

He is mild tempered. Mess with him, you get a busted skull.

Mild Tempered people do not bust other peoples' skulls. Mild Tempered synonyms are:

accommodating, calm, composed, easy-going, enduring, even-tempered, forbearing, forgiving, gentle, imperturbable, indulgent, lenient, long-suffering, meek, mild

Maybe you meant "has an extremely bad temper"?

In addition, there really isn't any reason for someone in District 12 to learn how to use all of these weapons, especially if their sister was a victor. He'd have no reason to if he lived in the victor's village. He'd have all the food he would need, and wouldn't need to hunt or steal to get food.

Also, you can't say things like "Everyone loves him" or "nobody cares that he steals". People care - they all have different opinions of others. You can't group everyone so that they all love him - then there's no room for other characters to dislike, maybe even hate him.

If I were you, I'd change a good chunk of his personality - it contradicts with his history and makes him seem like a Gary-Stu (which is a male character with no flaws whatsoever).








history
1) We don't mention canon characters on this site. We simply pretend that they aren't there. And although Greasy-Sae is one of my favorite characters, you can't talk about her.

2) You said that his sister survived the 53rd Hunger Games? Then what was his reaction to her being reaped, having to kill others, etc.? Was he frightened? Proud? In addition, I would prefer that you change Sandra's age to be older, for it's far too close to the 54th Games, which was already RPed in our plot. You can make her older if you want, or just say that she won the games. I just wouldn't make it the 53rd games.

If you're going to have him study all of these weapons, you are not only being a bit unrealistic, but you're not even explaining how/why he learned all of these tricks.

If you say it's to win the Hunger Games, it's extremely unrealistic - nobody except Careers want to be in the games. For most tributes, it's a large likelihood that they'll die.

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I know it sounds like a lot of work. But if you do all of this, he'll be able to become his own person, not just some character who seems to have all of Katniss' prowess and skill and Peeta's easygoing-ness, and pretty much just a combination of all of the protagonists of The Hunger Games Trilogy. And that's the best part - developing your own characters.

I am 100% positive that you can do this. -waves pom poms-

Please respond once you've edited Haddock's bio, and either myself or another staff member/demistaff member will get back to you^^

You can do it! :D

Nice job fixing things :3

Could you add a bit more to appearance? It's a bit short - try talking in complete sentences (rather than just "around 6'8", for example) and going into more detail to really get to the minimum. Perhaps you could describe how his hair is, for example - is it wavy, curly, pin-straight, short, long, oily, greasy, dry, frizzy?

You also can't say that "He will be the coolest guy you ever met." You can say he's pretty cool, but you mustmustmust explain why he would be considered to be "cool", etc.

But he has inside that help him cover most things up.

Inside what?

He is very smooth with the ladies. Haddock acts as a hero with his current girlfriend. He does not plan on getting married unless he meets the "right one".

Elaborate more. By "smooth with the ladies", do you mean he's a flirt? And what is "hero" in this case? How does he act like a hero? And with not getting married - is he just a hopeless romantic?

It provides decent pay and he gets a discount on everything! Thats a bonus!

District 12 is kinda poor - I doubt he'd get a discount on things.

When his sister, Sandra, won the games, he resented the life in Victors village. He went to live alone in his own at his old house. Only for birthdays and sometimes for just a visit, is when he would go to Victors Village for a few hours of the day. He acted as if he had never lived in luxury.

Why? You need to explain this. In fact, this is such an important part in his history that I will not accept it until you give me a good reason. There is obviously a reason as to why Haddock does not want to live in the Victor's Village, unlike many people living in District 12. Why does he not want to? Explaaaain.

So yeah, pwease edit and respond once you're done :D