.Iconoclasts and Heliotrope Tragedies. [Aya]
Feb 24, 2011 8:43:08 GMT -5
Post by sadniss everdeen on Feb 24, 2011 8:43:08 GMT -5
Vespasian Minix
// uis formam amoris tenent \\
can you remember remember my name
as I flow through your life
a thousand oceans I have flown
It's not about my face.[/blockquote][/size]
It was never about my face. All the jeers and meticulously planned insults to erode whatever pedestal I had set myself upon for being bigger than my demons (isn't that what they always call it? hypocrites, considering that the evil is always larger than the good) weren't needed; my self-detrimental tendencies with a side of loathing and pitiful guilt was enough to knock me off that minuscule platform. It was just as well, because the higher you rise, the harder you fall.
And my lips whispered soundless melodies as the sparks reflected in her eyes (pleasepleaseplease but she is deaf to anything but herself) but her fingers trembled in the tune to my heart. "Why did you have to turn out like this?" It is a murmur of a mother's love and for a moment I allow myself to be hopeful and dream of fairytale endings but not happilyeverafters - because in this place, there is nothing but the times where it's easier to forget - and my lips attempt to smile, coming out sadly and not entirely what she wanted. "I don't know." It smells of metallic death and blind devotion; it casts shadows in her eyes and they harden into walls of crepescular fantasy. When she casts the flickering torch, I scream.
There are no dreamers in this district, all thoughts of flying above the clouds have been erased by the rhythmic chop of metal slicing wood and long hours that threaten to snap their skeleton bodies in two. Perhaps the children sense this and grow up too fast in order to compensate for the mortality thrust upon them at an early age - this makes them bitter and cynical and defensive to anything that dares interrupt what they have built up to be normality. My mind refuses to do anything but create a mythical chimera of could have beens and maybe if Is. Perhaps it's a coping method to forget the pain that still throbs along the scarred portions of my visage or the irrational terror as the boy grabs my mask and holds it in a vice-grip with his long, bony fingers scarred by too much work and not enough play.
His smirk is cruel but unsure - he knows this is wrong and right both at once, and all the conflicting emotions make his head hurt - and I stand immobilized, feeling the hooks tug against the plates of my scalp and his blunted fingertips digging into the fragile flesh that has no more feeling. It's a phantom of a touch; I remember enough what it feels like to imagine, but the ghosting of riceflesh along ragged, ropey scars isn't really something I'd like to think about.
They have all seen me at one point in time. Who couldn't? My alabaster complexion clashes so horribly against chestnut rigidity but I can't find it in myself to take off the mask and expose my ruined childhood to the world - it is all very intimate and something they are not worthy of seeing. Secrets are something that other people try very hard to ensure that they are not well-kept, and when it comes to the games of children, one pushes and the other must give. The weight of the mask leaves me too lethargic to do anything else, so I am always the first to fold.
The flames are an all-encompassing sacrifice; they are all I can see and feel and hear and oh god the smell makes me retch. It is a putrid aroma of irrational worship and paranoid delusions rolled up into one tiny package, flailing and casting out limbs that are slowly devoured by the inferno. It is everywhere and I open my mouth to scream but then they ravage the cavern of my throat, closing flesh and forbidden words to again come unmangled from the depths of my malevolent maw. They howl their devotion to the starry sky and it creates a warbling crescendo with my shrieks - an unearthly roar of innocuous noise that allows me to believe I've finally fallen into the pits of Hell. When gentle hands finally come to take me away and burn themselves on the lingering heat trapped inside my charred outsides, it is too late to save the last traces of childhood innocence. My features have been warped beyond repair, and my personality has been fit accordingly to match.
When his fingers break through the sockets with scraping nails it's not the pain in my right eye that makes me feel like crying, it's the unadulterated terror as his finger swipes deep into a charred socket and rests in an empty void where something substantial should be. He recoils and his friends gasp their disgust, shoving me down and creating a human wall to block any thoughts of escape. Not like I could - my motor functions are diminutive at best. "What happened to your face, Vesp?" They sneer, chants rising out over the treetops in the lumber mill that is empty for the day. All the workers have long gone home and this creates a perfect staging ground in their games. "Mama not love you enough?" I won't dignify them with an answer because I can't, tongue numb and limp in the cavern of my mouth. Tears spring to my remaining eye and I shake my head furiously, trying not to give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
From afar I believe I hear a shout of an older voice but it's most probably nothing but my mind manifesting what I wish to hear; a temporary reprieve from the children with mean eyes and insulting smiles.
When Granpapi picks me up and cradles me gently, he attempts to quirk his lips up reassuringly as he says things always get better, you know? but I don't believe him, and am stuck listening to half-lies I so desperately wish to understand.
and cold spirits of ice
all my life
I am the echo of your past
Wow. That was... angst-filled. This is the third ever post with him so he doesn't yet have a style, I apologize if he fluctuates in consistency. Um, what was our plot again? He started rambling and wouldn't stop.