Friends With Benefits [[South]]
Apr 15, 2011 11:07:18 GMT -5
Post by semper on Apr 15, 2011 11:07:18 GMT -5
bear Keeni
Malachai is dead. Fucking hell, the bastard. Why did he die?! I mean, yeah, we have no choice to die, but still. I could've done something to save him. I saw him getting dragged and he was alive then, right? So why the hell didn't I do anything? Because I'm an idiot, that's why. I couldn't stop Lane from getting avoxed, I couldn't stop Malachai from being murdered even when I clearly had an opportunity, so just... fuck my life. I do care for my friends, you know. It may not seem like it, but I have a heart underneath my cannibalistic nature. And that very very very tiny heart of mine actually has feelings and I can feel guilt and sorrow just like every other damn normal person out there, and right now, my wee little heart was like, "Bear! You imbecile! Go jump off a cliff and just die!" Though as much as I wanted to, there was only one thing I wanted more than death: Bacardi.
I left my house -- with my trusty-dusty knife between my pants and my waist, of course -- and with my hands shoved deep into my pockets, dark eyes narrowed to slits and eyebrows furrowed, kicking any rock that was in my path. It had only been a few days since I had fallen through the glass on the roof at the warehouse in an attempt to get Malachai, and the few days has been hell. Stained Transactions, even though we're all screwed in the head and live for the thrill of a Peacekeeper chase and know we're all bound to die sooner or later, was still hit, I think, with the death. Sort of like a wake-up call that we needed to be more secretive about the way we do things. I think we need to actually watch out more for each other instead of just being.... there, kind of. But hey, even though I'm second-in-command, it's Shiep's call. Damned twelve-year-old. But he's kept ST running fairly smoothly this whole time, so I've got to give him credit for that.
But enough about the little freak show. I'm going to drown my guilt in Bacardi -- as much as I can possibly drink. Iza would murder me for doing this, but I don't care right now. If the alcohol kills me, then so what? It'll just be another death for ST to deal with and this is contradicting myself so I'm going to stop. So moving on. I headed down to the District Square and in through the dark alleys, coming to the bar that I knew so well. I stalked right in there and all the smells of smoke, alcohol, and other unidentified stuff hit me like a welcoming committee. Already I felt somewhat better, but still, I needed the damn drink.
I went straight up to the bar and picked up the drink of the guy beside me while his back was turned, putting the bottle to my mouth and downing as much as I could before I had to stop to breathe. The familiar bitter taste of it made me smirk a little and already I think I was feeling a bit better. I needed more of it, though, a helluva lot more, so I called over the bartender and asked for two bottles of Bacardi, which I figured to always be a good starting point to get rid of depression. As soon as the guy gave me the bottles, I tore the cap off and downed as much as I could in a single gulp, chasing away all the damn feeling of my stupid little heart that makes me human. I hate hearts. I wish I could eat mine, but then I'd be dead. Just like Malachai. Gahh! I took another long drink of my Bacardi, starting on the second bottle not much longer.