Harmonious Harmonies Are Nonexistent [Lulu]

this is still a wip.

It's not that he misses district eleven, with its long, strenuous hours and landowners who don't really give a shit about whether you live or die as long as you somehow manage to complete the humanly impossible quotas. He doesn't miss the endless days of hunger and stomach growls (those symptoms are still a frequent part of his life, albeit occurring less than before). He doesn't even miss the musical harmonies that can fill the air during the day, each note showing one thing that the Capitol can't erase (in some form or fashion, this is district eleven's way of rebellion in the most deceptive form possible). Rather, he misses the people, which could be rather ironic, for the boy barely communicates at all.

He wishes to see his family again, to be able to hear his sister's laugh, to hear the stern tones of his father or the calming melody of his mother's voice. He wishes to be able to talk to his friend again as well, but even his imagination knows that this action is very impossible. Perhaps it's due to the fact that the longing to return to normalcy can influence one's choice of actions or thoughts, but oftentimes Shean wonders if it's not too late to go back to it all - if he could just return home and pretend as if nothing ever happened. It's not like he has been living a comfy life after all; in fact, it's rather paranoid and filled with elaborate and complex steps, consisting of not only survival instincts, but also:

1) making sure that Peacekeepers do not see you
2) making sure that Peacekeepers do not hear you
3) making sure that Peacekeepers have no reason to approach you
4) making sure that no snitches are in the area
5) making sure that you run like hell if snitches are in the area
6) stay away from bars or areas with bars or any place that has a bar within 100 yards from your current position

It's difficult, but he knows that he's doing this for the people who he has deserted - how else will they acquire enough money to survive, with their meager incomes and scraps of tesserae grain that are never enough to go around. Shean's previous income isn't terrible by district eleven means, but it is nothing compared to the tips that somewhat well-off people can give freely, no strings-attached. His former income doesn't enable the family to eat. This one does. Well, normally it does, at the very least. But combined with his sister's three tesserae and their tidbits of coinage, and they have to survive - they can live off of the money that he's bringing in (even though it's through illegal measures and can get them killed/avoxed/tortured/all of the above if the Capitol felt particularly grumpy one day). They're much better off now that he's gone. He's sure of it. There's more money to go around, no more arguing about him being so stoic and depressed all of the time (they have no idea of the things he's seen, the things he's done).

Yes, much better off. He allays his fears of them dying each day with these thoughts, and for the most part, they work. It's enough for Shean to get through one more day, or week, maybe even month. They do receive the money after all, even if it is a bit infrequent (finding trustworthy wanders is difficult, but finding trustworthy wanderers who are going to district eleven is even harder - at times he's had to go to the Uprising to get things sent, and even that takes a long time), so they're alive. They have to be alive, after all, otherwise the only selfless reasons for him to leave would be lying six-feet under, eyes never to grace the light of day again. The only thing left of both parties would be a shell of what had once existed. In his case, said exoskeleton would consist of a particularly upset man - too devestated to move back, too empty to move forwards.



- walks around district 1 with harmonica
- he has money 'cause district 1 is rich and stuff
- yay
- flashback to district 11 because he's like that
- angst
- more angst?
- conflicted thoughts about if he should be wanderin'
- bumps into Sapphire, drops harmonica

- insert mucho angst into this thread here-