Falling Apart [pthalorarity]

Julian was exhausted and he was wet, two of his least favorite things. It didn’t matter though; he would go through anything to make sure he won the games. Every morning was an intense workout with his father and Midas. Then they split up for the afternoons after school, Midas would go with Serge and Julian would go train with his mother, honing his agility and precision attacks. His new favorite weapon was a particularly nasty whip.

His father finally excused them for the night and Julian just wanted to sleep, but Midas stopped him. He pulled his hand away as Midas reached for it, but couldn’t ignore it when Midas called out to him. Julian looked back into those dark eyes and the pained expression Midas’ gave him was soul crushing.

Julian knew he had been pushing himself away from Midas and hated himself for it. He was treating the person he loved the most the absolute worst. He couldn’t help himself though. Every time he looked at Midas, he was flooded with a mixture of emotions. He couldn’t bare the thought of Midas entering the arena. Every day, Julian grew more and more paranoid that Midas’s damaged eye would ruin his chances of winning and that he would never return home. Every time the thought even crossed Julian’s mind, he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Then there was Julian’s competitive nature, getting the best of him again. It infuriated him that his father was pushing harder for Midas to enter the games than he was for his own son. Julian knew it was because Midas’s large build and fighting tactics were more similar to Serge’s. He also knew age was playing a factor and Julian still had more chances to enter than Midas. Still, Julian’s urge to be first at everything was pulling hard at his nerves. This conflicted him even more, adding guilt about feeling envious of Midas.

Julian stood silently looking back at Midas for a few moments, trying to muster words to answer him.

“I love you,” Julian said in disgust, hating himself for even allowing those words to touch his lips. Love made people weak, and Julian couldn't stand that he had let himself fall so stupidly for Midas.“That’s what is wrong with me.”

Julian kept his arms still by his side as Midas held him. He was shaking all over and doing everything he could to fight back tears. He didn’t cry, well, at least in front of anyone.

“Love makes you weak,” Julian yelled, holding back sobs, “It makes me weak! I can’t eat! I can’t sleep! Every time I close my eyes, you’re there!!! You're there … in the arena … and … and...” That had done it. Julian cracked; careers aren't usually the most stable people as it is. He screamed at the top of his lungs and slid down through Midas's grasp and onto the muddy ground.

He looked back up at Midas with hateful eyes, “How could you do this to me!? My whole life I’ve been trained to be a killing machine and one…. One stupid boy has reduced me to this!” Julian looked down at his hands in disgust.

((omg, Zack, can we just take a minute to talk about the fact that this is the cheesiest thread ever? k thanks, lol!))

Julian was really crying now. He struggled against Midas at first as he tried to hold him, but Midas only squeezed tighter until Julian gave up. He finally gave in and leaned into Midas’s chest and let out a sob. He soaked in all of Midas’s words. He was right. Julian’s own preconceptions were what made him weak, not loving Midas.

“This sucks,” Julian choked out as Midas began wiping his tears away. “Oh if the other Careers could only see me now… how the mighty have fallen.” He let out a small laugh and burrowed further into Midas’s chest, wrapping his arms around him now. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath; admitting he was wrong was right up there to him with accepting defeat.

“Fine…” Julian said looking back up at Midas, “You win. Are you happy now? I love you, Ok? I love you…”

Julian’s alarm clock rang loudly at 5:30 the next morning. He stumbled out of bed to turn it off and Midas started groggily moving behind him. Midas had been staying at the Bryze’s the last several nights due to the upped training schedule, and last night Julian finally allowed Midas back into his bedroom.

He threw on a clean tank top and some old torn running pants from his closet and headed to his restroom for his morning routine. After he was all washed up and his hair done up, he went downstairs to meet Midas in the kitchen where he was already chowing down on the breakfast cooked up by Mrs. Bryze. Pashmina Bryze let out an exasperated gasp as Julian entered.

“Julian, honestly, why you do your hair when you’re about to… If I hear one word about it getting messed up during our session today, you’re running laps!” She said in an upset tone. She wasn’t really upset about this, she loved her son and was used to his particularity for appearance, even in training. She was just very on edge these days with the Reaping drawing so near. She honestly didn’t want Julian in the Games; she knew what the Game Makers did to Victor’s children, but still there was no convincing Serge otherwise. “Now go sit down and eat something; you’ll need your strength today! I want to see you eat more than just a piece of toast!”

Julian rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath as he sat down beside Midas. He grabbed two pieces of buttered toast and a hardboiled egg.
“Happy now, Mother?” He said in a sarcastic tone.

“When you quickly waste away and starve to death in the arena, don’t blame me!” She said in a tizzy and stormed out of the room.

“Has she always been this crazy or is it just me?” Julian asked looking over at Midas.

Julian narrowed his eyes after Midas’s comment about his family. He knew he was right though, so he couldn’t particularly argue. He was unwillingly smiling after Midas’s kiss to his cheek though. He could never keep up an evil expression with Midas.

“Kick my butt? Ha!” Julian said jumping to reach the door before Midas. “I’d like to see you try.”

When Julian stepped outside to the backyard of the Bryze residence, he noticed his father standing at a bit of a distance but he wasn’t alone. He exchanged a questioning look with Midas, wondering who else was there.

“Race ya!” Julian said, already sprinting toward the clearing where his father stood. As he got closer, he recognized the people standing with him. It was his cousin Clarity, her trainer, and another boy and girl around Julian’s age who appeared to also be careers.

As Julian stopped before them his cousin let out a squeal of delight and ran to hug her cousin.

“Hey Julian!” Clarity said in her singsong voice, then turned to his companion and added in a crueler tone, “Midas…”

“They’ll be training with you two today. I’ve worked it out with their trainer, Bridge,” Serge Bryze said nodding to the man beside him, who appeared to be a little younger than Serge and also in killer shape. “We’ll go through a basic routine this morning, then Pashmina will take some of you and Bridge and I will take the others for specific weapons work. Then we’ll reconvene here this evening for some mock games. The Reaping is tomorrow and you all better be good and ready!”

As Midas slipped his arm around Julian and grabbed his hand, it was obvious what he was doing and Julian rolled his eyes. After their talk last night though, he figured he would just allow it though and sunk closer into Midas’s arm. He shrugged at Clarity whose jaw twitched at this notion.

“Well I’ll see you two after the run then,” she said, scrunching her mouth into a snide grin and heading off with her two usual training partners.

Julian jogged along Midas in silence for a while; he could tell he was brooding over the Clarity situation. When he finally spoke Julian stopped and pulled on Midas’s shirt for him to do the same. Usually Julian grew frustrated at the constant feuding between Midas and his cousin, but it was the day before the Reaping and he really didn’t want to deal with the headache.

“Look, you. I know you don’t get along with Clarity, and I know how she can be so I won’t ask you to. But… this could be our last day together for a while depending on our odds… I don’t want to spend it fighting—well arguing with you, ok?” Julian looked up at Midas with pleading eyes. When Midas avoided his gaze, Julian grabbed the front of his sweaty shirt and pulled him down to kiss him. “Now let’s get going! I don’t want to be beaten by those Career wannabes!” Julian said with a vicious little grin and started running back along the trail.