Guessing Games {Lyss}[FIN]

Rowan's day stumbled by as usual. Breakfast. School. Lunch. School. Over-thought subjects. Unnecessary facts. Endless rambling. The list just goes on and on. Rowan's day was a little less fun-filled than normal. It started raining in the middle of the day, and he hadn't brought his scarf to keep him warm. Of course, he has his jacket with him. He always had it with him. His jacket wasn't enough, though. He had no hood to cover his head, and his hair was soaked through and through. It hang limply in front of his eyes all day, yet it didn't frizz up like many of his classmate's had.

In theory, he figured after his school his day would be as normal as it usually was. He would go work at the lumberyard with his friends, most likely make fun of Nee, and then go home. Sadly, his day had not gone as planned. He went to the office and signed in as usual, but his ears were not presented with what they preferred to hear. He read off his lists of normals first before adding one name.

"By the way, Springer, Miss Jackson is on your team today," his supervisor added."

Rowan nodded his head before realizing what his supervisor had just said. "Wait, Miss who? She's never been on my team before!"

"Mr. Springer, what ever issues you and her have, you best leave it where you are now if you would like to stay where you are."

"I never said I had anything against her," Rowan mumbled, running his hand through his wet mop of hair before blushing a bit.

Rowan quickly walked out of the office and back into the rain before his supervisor said anything else or Nee showed up. He waited and waited at his station for about twenty minutes before somebody actually showed up. One by one, his friends slowly trickled in taking their places around Rowan. His thoughts jumped all around as he glimpsed he brown hair from afar.

Nee. Like. Hate. Make fun of. Like. Torture. Like. Hated. Like. Nee. Nee. Nee.

Rowan tried to make his stare as least noticeable as possible as she walked towards him. She seemed angry as she stomped through the muddy ground, not even stepping over the puddles. As she stepped into a small puddle, he leg sank in the mud to about her knee. She quickly jerked it out, squealing in the process. Rowan couldn't help but laugh at her. He wasn't laughing for the same reason his friends were, though. He found her squealing cute, even if she probably hated him even more now.

Nee stomped his way before shouting,"Shut up!"

Rowan bit his lip, holding back from doing all the things he wanted to do. He wanted to race over to her, clean off the mud, hug her, etc. etc, but he couldn't, wouldn't. Instead, he just stood there as she asked him what he want her to do.

"I, um, I," Rowan tripped over his words and ran his hands through his hair over and over. "I want you... to... um, well. Everybody already has an assignment or a partner, well, I don't have a partner, but um... just work with me, I guess."

Rowan was waiting for a slap in the face or a screech in the ear, but nothing escaped from Nee's lips. She didn't object to Rowan's awful decision; she hadn't even show any sign of resistance. She had got him off guard, and he had shown his side that he normally keeps to himself. Maybe she hadn't noticed, though. Rowan decided to be more cautious of what was going on, so that he wouldn't trip up again.

They each grabbed an end of a log and walked towards the shed in silence. Rowan stared at the ground, keeping track of where puddles were and where it was especially muddy. Left, right. Left, right. Left, right. When they approached the shed, Nee and a man exchanged words before he went back inside. Rowan wasn't paying too much attention, but he had noticed Nee's eyes widen, as if they were in some sort of trouble. Rowan raised his eyebrows, hoping for an explanation, but Nee marched forward, pulling him along with him.

Suddenly, Rowan tripped over his feet, but quickly gained his balance back. His legs quivered in pain, but Rowan quickly jogged back up to Nee. He dug his elbows into his ribs to force him to continue. He struggled with their progression, practically dropping his end at points. Every mistake was a jab in the ribs, which in theory made him a little bit stronger. They turned this way a little, that way a tad, until they were facing the wind and rain.

The wind whipped his hair up and down, and the rain pelted his face. He didn't bother to turn his head down like Ne had, for he liked the rain. It wasn't cold like it normally was, but it was instead a nice, warm, summer rain. Rowan let the drops dance on his skin. Suddenly, Nee skidded to a stop, throwing Rowan forward a little bit. Rowan stumbled before returning to her side, only to barely hear the words dance out of her mouth.

“Which way do I go for the western shed?" Nee hollered over the wind.

"The western what? Oh the western shed? The western shed! The western shed is 123 paces northwest!" he shouted back, adding a fact he had learned over the years to his rambling.

She thinks I'm weird now. She thinks I spend all my time gathering random information like this. Nee. Me. Thinks. Stupid. Likes. Hated. Random. Likes. Nee. Like. Like. Like.

Rowan sighed and ran his hand through his thick hair over and over, not even thinking about it. He had no idea if Nee knew about his condition. His life might be easier if she did. Maybe she wouldn't hate him. Maybe she would understand why he acts like he does. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Rowan was tired of maybe's. He wanted definite answers. In his book, maybe meant yes. He always had space for that person to say no, but he had no patience for people who said maybe and never changed their answer to a definite. He sighed and slowly dropped his end towards the ground before helping Nee's end down too. He was stupid for not bringing two more people, they'd be done with the whole job right now if he had. He ran his from the front of his hair to the back thoroughly before shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Um, hey, listen, Nee. I was stupid for not putting my stronger boys on this station today, so why don't you just go back to the team and work on something easier. I can carry this log the rest of the way and get some more guys when I go back. Better yet, why don't you just go home? You had a total wipe out today!" Rowan let the words explode from his mouth, exchanging from his nicer side to his meaner, and back and forth.

Rowan shifted from one foot to the other. Of course he didn't want Nee to leave. He was just trying to keep up his act. Maybe she'd realize what he was doing, and think it was sweet. He's seen it happen before. A guy would do something that seemed bad at first but it benefited the girl, but then she figured it out and fell in love with him. Maybe she'd fall in love with him. Maybe she'd like him. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Again with the maybe's. Rowan didn't like waiting, especially for answers, for he was very impatient. He would wait a million years for Nee, though, and that was what he was doing. Waiting for Nee. Waiting on Nee.

Rowan mentally sighed and ruffled his hair. Working alone with Nee was not good. He kept slipping up. Maybe Nee should know that he likes her, though. Again with the maybe's! He groaned a little too loudly, but Nee began to speak, covering it up.

“No way!” she replied. “I’m not giving up; I’m strong enough to go on. And do you really think that you’d manage this thing on your own? We’re both collapsing under it! You’ll break your neck.”

She glared at Rowan and clenched her fists. Rowan closed his eyes, waiting for any impact. After a few seconds, he opened his eyes and returned the stare. He took in what she had said. That she had courage, strength. Something Rowan wished he possessed. Nee always seemed to be a step ahead of him. Always. Rowan was always at the back of the pack, always being able to learn from mistakes that weren't his.

Nee drew her arm back, ready to hit him square in the eye. He fliched, covering his face with his arms and closing his eyes once more. He would rather have a broken arm than a black eye. Rowan waited... and waited... and waited... He quickly unfolded his arms and pretended to brush dirt off his jacket. Nee had dropped her arm to the side. She quickly looked away, her cheeks reddining a bit.

Was she embarrassed? Why would she be? Rowan had deserved to be hit. He wondered if maybe they were both sick, and if that was why they were acting so weird.

"What I mean is,” she began, slowly and quietly, “is that it’s not fair on you. Yeah, my back’s killing me, but I’ll cope, same as you. Let’s finish this round, then get some help for the next one. Or not, you’re in charge after all.”

Rowan put a hand behind the back of his head an looked down a little embarrassed. This was the nicest the two had ever been to each other, and he wasn't used to it. It was true; he couldn't take the log the whole way. He needed Nee to carry the log with him. They had been out here a long time, so maybe by now most of the guys were done with their jobs and would help carry the rest of the logs. Rowan both liked and hated the idea of not being alone with Nee at the same time. He liked the fact that he most likely wouldn't slip up, but he hated that he would have to go back to being mean to her.

He was tired of having to fake his hatred for Nee. If he said he liked her, and she said she liked him back, they would have no reason to hate each other anymore. Sadly, Rowan knew she wouldn't ever like him. There was only a sliver of a chance that she would. And that sliver was small.

He noticed her wave her arm around, but Rowan couldn't guess what she was getting at, his brain was already shorting out.

“I can chop wood, if your team does that. My normal one is stuck with carrying and sweeping. Anyway, we can see after we’ve put this thing away,” she said lightly, crouching down to pick up her end once more.

"Oh yeah, somebody does that... I think..," he trailed off, turned opposite of Nee, as if saying it to an imaginary person.

Rowan bent down as well, gently lifting his end of the log. It felt like it had gained an extra fifty pounds while sitting on the ground. A grunt escaped from his lips as he heaved it to where it was positioned before he set it down. His cheeks instantly turned a deep red.

“Oh, and... thanks," Nee added, almost whispering.

"Ah, there's nothing to thank me about," Rowan murmured back, since there really wasn't anything to thank him about.

Nee had nothing to thank him for. He had almost been hit in the face because he kept slipping up. He was prepared now, ready to fire answers at any questions Nee might ask. His thoughts became all jumbled up and began bouncing all around his head. He couldn't sort out really what was going on in his mind, but he did hear Nee ring out every once in a while.

They began walking at a steady pace, nearing the shed. It finally popped into their peripheral vision, and Rowan let out a sigh of relief. They were almost there, finally. Rowan began to pick up the pace, staring as his feet so he wouldn't trip. Left, right. Left, right. Left, right.

Rowan and Nee heaved the log to the top of its pile, and Rowan let out a sigh of relief. He collapsed on the floor next to Nee, but positioned himself so that he was facing her. His ribs ached immensely from digging his elbows into them earlier. He rested his head on a crate behind him. He just wanted to sit here for an hour, maybe fall asleep, just so he wouldn't have to go back to work, his crew.

Nee. Alone. Sleep. No work. No crew. Sleep. Nee.

He closed his eyes, leaning his head back a little further. Rowan was on the verge of sleep, and he was just about to cross into it when he heard a sniff. His eyes snapped open; his pupils widened. Was that Nee? Was she, Nee Jackson, crying? No, no, that couldn't be it. She must have a runny nose or something. Yes, a runny nose. That was it.

Nee began to speak, and Rowan propped himself up so he could here her better.

“So,” she began, wiping her eyes and shifting her legs so that they were stretched out ahead of her on the floor. “I need to ask you something. We make a decent team, right? I mean, we helped each other out. That doesn’t mean that I don’t find you frustrating or a bit... slow." She paused. “But you haven’t made fun of me once since we split off from everyone else.” She stopped, allowing a soft smile to creep across her face. “Why is that?”

Rowan's pupils widened once more. He had slipped up too many times today, and they both knew it. He felt his cheeks go cold and then warm. The color changed from a pale white to a shade of red. He put his head between his knees for a minute. He needed his cheeks to stay under control. Flushing and blushing would totally prove that he liked her. The problem was that Rowan didn't know if he wanted Nee to know yet. She'd probably yell at him or say that he did it for money or... something.

To tell or not to tell? That was the real question. For now, he could just simply answer he question. It wasn't that hard, and taking this long of a time to explain would make her think twice. He raised his head and simply shrugged, buying him about thirty seconds.

Think. Think. Think.

"Well, there was nothing to make fun of, you know? We did really good. You did really good. Just because I sometimes make fun of you, that doesn't mean I always will. Some people need a good teasing every once and a while. But everything is not what it seems," he answered.

Rowan had practically told her that he liked her. Maybe she wouldn't catch it. Rowan knew better, though. He knew Nee was smart, and he guessed that she could figure it out. If she did figure it out, it could be for the best. Like he had just said, everything is not what it seems.

Rowan realized how cliche he must seem. Everything is not what it seems. He bet that he had heard that somewhere before. Some program on television. Maybe it was a Capitol saying. Could District 7 not be his only language?

He practically laughed at the idea of each district having its own "language." The Capitol certainly had its own, and Rowan was sure everybody in Panem made fun of it. Maybe not Two, but pretty much everybody else. One of the things he hated to hear from the Capolites was "may the odds be ever in your favor." So far, the odds had not been in 1392 people's favor, but it turned out to eventually be in the favor or fifty-nine people.

Rowan leaned back once more, closing his eyes once again. The rain beat down on the shed quite loudly, and that was how Rowan liked it. The sound of rain put him to sleep. Rowan rolled off the crate an onto his side, directly facing Nee. He propped his head up on one of his hands, his elbow now throbbing in pain from being pressed against the wooden floor.

"What about you? You haven't made fun of me either. Or insulted me. Or hit me. Well, you almost did, but still. Why haven't you made fun of me or insulted me? Why didn't you hit me?" he asked, bringing his courage levels to an all time high.

It was now Rowan's turn to smile. She might have momentarily stumped him, but now he was certain he had stumped her.

Rowan thought he had honestly stumped her. They sat there in silence for a minute, and Rowan's grin got more and more wide. He wondered if just maybe, just maybe, Nee liked him back. He wondered if she was putting on an act just like he was. If she was, then what an awful thing they were both doing. They could be happy together right now if they admitted it. Just three words. That's all it took. Three words. I. Like. You. Rowan opened his mouth, ready to say it, when her words filled the room.

"I didn't hit you because... you’re not that bad. You didn’t deserve it. But I did insult you – I called you slow.”

"Slow?" Rowan laughed. "That's not an insult. Plus, that doesn't affect me. Not one bit. I've been called much worse..." he mumbled.

Rowan sighed and ruffled his hair for the hundredth time today. He tried not to think of the names he's been called. Stupid. Retard. The bad kind of special. Mental. That's the only ones he could bare to think of. If he thought of the others... Let's just say it would be embarrassing for both Rowan and Nee.

Rowan had worked himself up once again, like he always has when he thinks of the teasing he receives. Hadn't he just said everybody deserves a teasing every once and a while?

But that's not the same thing.

Right? Rowan wasn't sure. He was teased because of something he couldn't control. If he had been able to choose when he was born if he was going to have ADHD or not... well, I think the choice is obvious. Maybe if Nee had his condition, too, she would understand why he acts like he does. Maybe they would be a spazzy couple together. Rowan gave a small smile at that thought, but quickly wiped it off his face. No need to give Nee any satisfaction... yet.

They may have sat there in silence, but Rowan's brain was quite loud. Inside he was debating whether or not to tell Nee the truth. Maybe she'd like him back. It didn't have to be immediately, of course. He could wait. Rowan was good at waiting. Sort of.

He opened his mouth, and then close it it. He opened it again, and closed it once more. Open, close. Open, close. Open, close. He finally clamped his mouth shut, deciding that he probably looked like his jaw was unhinged.

“Why did we ever become rivals, Rowan? What did we do to turn against each other? I can’t remember the reason for things being as they are.”

Rowan chuckled before quickly answering, "You know what? I was just wondering the same."

And it's true. He was. Who had really started their hate for each other? Could it have been him? He knew that they started fighting and all when they were twelve, but could he really have started it? At age twelve, Rowan was in a rut. He had completely changed personalities, forcing people to believe he had some random case of bipolar. But he hadn't. He never spoke of him being bipolar once.

Why did they start disliking each other? He tried to bring in the memories, so he could share them with Nee. Nothing came to mind, though. Had they just randomly started disliking each other? He doubted it. Maybe they each had a friend, and those two friends didn't like each other, so Rowan and Nee didn't like each other. Rowan doubted that too. He knew they were both smarter than that. So what was the reason?

Rowan brought another question to the table. When had he stopped disliking Nee? More importantly, when did he start liking Nee? And why, if they had really disliked each other for so long? Rowan felt his hands go cold, and his heart beat ten times faster than it had been a minute ago. Thinking about the past did weird thing to him. Things that even the brains of Six could not explain.

Rowan carefully studied Nee's face. She looked like she was trying to bring back the memory, but she was struggling with the details. She must have finally gotten it, for Nee began to cry. Rowan face hardened. He hated to see people cry, since it made him cry with them. He bit his lip, to hold in the tears, and leaned forward a bit to hear what she had to say.

“I might have found it, Rowan,” she said, tears reappearing. “You said I was ‘just a girl’. That’s all you said, but it sounded like you didn’t want me around, that I couldn’t do it, that I wasn’t welcome. Why did you do that? It really chewed me up...”

Rowan felt like he had been pelted with rocks. Had he honestly said that? If he had, why couldn't he remember? He leaned back just a little, trying to picture the memory Nee had just witnessed.

It had been Nee's first day at work. He and his friends had approached Nee the second she stepped on the grounds. They had all suggested to go make fun of her, and Rowan agreed. He didn't personally know Nee, but maybe some of his friends did. Maybe she was mean. Whatever the reasons, Rowan had not cared. He followed his friends like a puppy follows around its owners. Rowan was a simple boy at eleven. He showed no signs of ADHD, and he was completely clueless. He had no idea what his group of friends would end up being. All Rowan wanted was to be popular, and if that meant hanging out with these kids, then so be it.

Nee had looked so innocent, so confused, when they approached her. Brandon, which was sort of the ringleader of the group, had mean the first to make a remark, which was the one Nee thought Rowan had said.

Brandon had looked a lot like Rowan. Some kind of clothes, some floppy brown hair, same height. Their names even sounded the same. Brandon Rowan. Well, sort of. They both ended with the uhn sound.

Rowan broke from his trance and shivered. Nee had thought Brandon's remark had came from him. Rowan had never really liked Brandon. They weren't friends anymore; Brandon had been avoxed a few months back. Go figure.

"Oh, Nee," he whispered, his voice low. "The misunderstandings we have. That wasn't me, that was Brandon. I can understand why you thought it was me. We looked like twins back then. Up until today, maybe our whole time of knowing each other has just been... misunderstandings.

Rowan had dropped a hint yet again. Maybe Nee just brushed them aside. I mean, it was pretty obvious that she didn't like him.

Nee Jackson. A girl Rowan had been chasing for about a year. A girl he would probably never get. A girl he had screwed up his chances with because he didn't think good. If only a few years ago he had been friends with better people. If only he had acted right. If only, if only. If only he could have Nee now. When he had seen the tears run down her cheeks, he had wanted to hug her and never let her go. If only they were a couple, he would have. If he had hugged her a few minutes ago, he probably would've gotten a slap in the face. She would've thought it was a joke.

Maybe it was a joke.

What if he didn't truly like her? Maybe it was just an act. He shook his head as if answering his own question. No, the act was him hating Nee.

What if Nee was putting on an act as well. Maybe she liked him.

He doubted it.

Rowan focused his attention on a log directly beside Nee. He just wanted to disappear now. A few minutes later, Rowan broke the silence, but not on purpose.

"I can't get you off my mind," he whispered so quietly that he could barely hear himself.

Nee suddenly sat up, hitting her head on the wood behind her. Rowan felt his hands go cold and his cheeks flush. She had heard, Rowan was sure of it now. Her eyes widened and a smile slowly spread across her face.

Nee knows. Nee. Like. Love? Nee. Know.

Nee's cheeks began to redden as she positioned herself next to Rowan. He wasn't sure if she was embarrassed about hitting her head or if she was embarrassed because she knew. She opened her mouth, as if to reply to his slip-up, but closed it. Rowan shifted his position, uncomfortable now. He had never admitted to a girl he liked that he liked her. Okay, well, he had, many times, but this was different. Nee was different. Now, just about everything was different.

Rowan felt his left shoulder lower a bit, as if something were on it, and of course, something was. Nee's head. Rowan felt like his heart was flying all around his chest. Maybe that slip-up was for the better. Maybe she liked him back. Maybe all these maybe's and what if's were good.

“I heard that,” she said, grinning. “And now I won’t be able to get you off my mind. But really, what’s so special about me? What could possibly keep me on your mind?”

Rowan closed his eyes, and for once, he was closing them because he was happy, not because he was frustrated. It was a simple question Nee had asked, but it would require some thought. It wasn't because he couldn't think of an answer; he could think of plenty. He didn't know which ones would be the best to say. He tried to group reasons together, but nothing sounded right. Reasons weren't what Nee needed, she needed a story. A real story.

"Well, you and my mother are very similar. When she was twelve, she had to get a job. Here. She was the only girl the day she started working. Her day had been just like yours. The group of popular made fun of her, teased her, but there was one boy that was exceptionally harsh. He always tried to make her life miserable. My mother wouldn't fight back, though. She would cry herself to sleep nights and nights on end. Finally, her parents had enough money for her to quit her job. When Brandon convinced us to go over to you, to talk to you, I was determined that I would not be like the boy who torture my mother," he began, then took a careful pause, letting Nee soak it all in.

"And oh, how I tried. But I think it was too late from second one. I had made wrong decisions long before we officially met. I decided to be friends with the wrong people, only act right when nobody was around. And I've made wrong decisions after we met, too. Continuing to put on an act, flirting with people I never will like, acting up in class. I've told girls I loved them without even giving it a thought. I've tried to change, but it won't happen. I'm like a caterpillar stuck in it's cocoon. I feel like I can be the better person around you now, though. You're special because you're not like other girls, but I bet you already knew that."

Rowan realized how close to tears he was. He was mad at himself for making Nee upset over the years. A single tear ran down his cheek. A leader for the rest to follow. No more came, though. He titled his head towards Nee's, so that it rested against hers. He had nothing more to say, but Rowan told how he felt through actions more than he did through words.

Rowan brought his hand up to the top of Nee's head. He ran his hand over Nee's hair, once, twice, three times, four. He was trying to wipe away any fears either of them had.

So much had changed between them in the past day. They had gone from being enemies to being a potential couple. He felt like he had to say something else, something that might take the potential out of potential couple. Maybe not now, maybe not this month, but at least some time in the future. Rowan turned his head, so that his mouth was right next to her ear, and quietly whispered,"I want you to know, though, that this isn't an act. I want you to know that what I feel for you is real."