want to get off and go home again | nofo!

8FA3CC - 5C7099 - CED4E0

Imagine you have a cup. It's a simple cup. The color of the cup is red and it's just a normal cup. No special abilities or something insane like that. A normal cup. Now imagine there's a glass pitcher. In the pitcher is water. However, this is a magical glass pitcher. This one just keeps filling, even when you pour, and it never runs out. Pretty crazy, huh? Trust me, it makes sense. Once you start pouring the water into the cup, the water would normally go down in the pitcher. But it doesn't. And eventually, the cup is filled to the very top. What if you tried to pour more? What if you tried to put a solid object in the cup? Then the water would pour out and you'd have a huge mess to clean up. And messes are never fun to clean up. Cleaning up isn't fun in the first place. When it's all over the place, it just adds to the nightmare.

Life is like a cup. It sounds funny and yeah, I laugh when I say it, but it's true. Maybe it's deep. Thanks, I come up with things like that every once in a while. But really, life is a cup and the drops of water represent each day that passes by. Sometimes your cup can't handle very much water. Sometimes it is really tall and essentially, you live for a long while. Starting to make the connection? Starting to make sense now? Life is a cup and it even has its messes. Sometimes, you try and go to fast. The drops of water start pouring into the cup and you don't have a chance to enjoy the scenery and the things around you. And then when you try and take on too much, you're stuck cleaning up a mess or you are screwed. So screwed that a towel or cloth won't be able to help you clean up the mess.

That's what I did. Yeah, I screwed up. Everybody screws up. But I tried to pour too much water into my cup and now I'm drowning. Now I'm drowning and I'm soaked and I'm cold and I just don't like the feeling at all. All because I tried to take more than I could handle and only failed at it. Obviously, I could have just gone slowly. But no. I had to jump too far, take on too much and fall too hard. I had to pour too much water into my cup. Now look where I was. Alone, cold, depressed. Well, that wasn't true. Life wasn't all that bad. Sure, it sucked. Yeah, it still sucks. But I had other things to live for, right? Wrong. I had nothing. When I sneaked back into the District that I called home, I had nobody. My mother had given up. She had moved away from our old home, probably closer to work and all my friends had accepted I was gone.

But what about Edana? You see, that very thought crossed my mind. But who was I kidding. She wouldn't want to see me. I had been gone for around nine months, maybe. Yeah, nine whole months. To some, that might seem like it's almost a year. Unless you're myself or Edana or anybody who cares about her. Then nine months means something. She had probably delivered by now. She probably had a child. She probably had a boyfriend and somebody who she could call her own. So, why should I hope that she still remembers me? Even though we only really talked once, I felt like she was the kind of person I'd want to know. She was beautiful. She was nice. She was funny. Edana was perfect. At least to me. And even though she probably moved on and forgot about the boy who had met her that one day in the hospital lobby, I still went to find her.

Maybe I was stupid. Well, that's stupid to say. I am stupid. I've always been called dumb or slow or dense. It isn't fun, that's for sure. But I've been able to get used to it. Either way, it wasn't the smartest thing to do. Maybe she'd turn around and slap me. Maybe she'd hate me. Maybe she'd just slam the door in my face and leave me to find something in life that I could do. I'd have to find a purpose. And that's always tough. Especially when your friends think you're dead, the girl you spent the past few months falling in love with is actually in love with somebody else and the other girl who occupies your thoughts has probably moved on. Sounds like a mess that isn't fun to clean up. But that's the mess I have. Thanks to my cup. It was too late to second guess though. Especially once I was standing in front of her door.

I clear my throat and speak quietly. "Oh hey. Edana. It's me. Clayton." No, that sounds weird. She might still remember you. Which I actually highly doubted. I wasn't somebody who would be remembered. I was a stepping stone for everybody. Which I willingly let myself be. If that made people happier then I'd do it and stuff. "Hey sweetheart. Remember me? It's been a while." But that wasn't good enough either. My gaze dropped to the ground, the last bit of sunlight reflecting off of the metal that was showing from my artificial leg. She had one like mine. But unlike me, she had a newborn baby. "Hey Edana. Long time no see. How have you been?" Would that work? I didn't have time to think about it though. I was standing at her door and I couldn't stand here forever. So, I raised my hand up and balled it into a fist.

And tap, tap, tap went my hand on her door.