Re: Piper Ann Louise, Wanderer

Re: Piper Ann Louise, Wanderer Jun 14, 2011 12:46:06 GMT -5

Post by Nervoux on Jun 14, 2011 12:46:06 GMT -5

Hear my voice
I came out of the woods by choice
Shelter also gave us shade
In the dark I have no name

So leave that click in my head
I won't remember the words that you said
A clouded mind and heavy heart
But I am sure I'll have a new start

My name is Piper Ann Louise
I may be eighteen, but that does not limit my strength
Formerly a girl of District Eleven, I now wander the forest in search of my prey

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Throw in your hopes on fire
But you know your desire
I don't hold a glass over the flame
Don't let your heart grow cold
I will call you by name, I will share your road

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I can't remember a time when I was a young girl, skipping through the streets with my long brown hair flying out behind me. All I seem to know is the brown mane that surrounds my hard features, the monster inside of me revealed in the lion-like tangles that fall down to the middle of my back. I am the picture of a girl who has gone through much, one who has tortured her body in ways completely unexpected. You can see it in the scars that are clearly etched across my features, or obviously in the thick layer of smoke that surrounds my tan form. I don't now when all of this started, only that I saw it as the only way to survive.

I used to be reminded everyday of how pretty I was, the words whispered into my overly-large ears from the man who provided for me my whole life. How foolish I was to believe him; how peculiar it is to think how I was actually pleased to hear such a thing from the bastard. I learned my lesson, for lies were a common thing throughout my life. I hardened myself, shielded any emotions to enter my gaze. Not even the calm voice of Julien could convince me otherwise. "You're beautiful, Piper," he would say, as if the words would sweep me off of my feet and send warmth through my cold gaze. Little did he know that I wouldn't allow that fire to melt my cold features. Not again.

Throughout my entire life, strength was something that I had to gain. From my muscular arms, to my long legs, I was deemed hard and cruel by many. I now see why Serge noticed me on the old streets, my muscles showing out from my skin despite my awkward form as I continuously smoked my cigarette. He saw potential inside of me, made me believe that with him, I would have a good life. I wish I had known what would come before I agreed to become his employee... his slave.

I now know what I had missed on that day Serge found me. I made it my mission to find him; to hunt him down and end his life just how he had stripped the life from my mother. Stripped the life from the only one who had the patience to keep me sain; tell me that I wasn't completely bad. She combed my brown hair, washed the intoxicating smell of smoke from my tan skin as if everything I had done wasn't horrible. Her similiar, eccentric blue gaze stared deep into me, wiping the cruel grin off of my face and replacing it with an expression filled with awe. How shameful it is to think that I overlooked such a caring woman, and didn't notice how extremely amazing she was until after she was murdered.

The thought of her brings me back to reality; bring me back to the reason I even left District Eleven. I may be only 5'5'' but I am definitely a force to be reckoned with. My long and clumsy legs may cause me to trip and fall, but I will continuously get back up and hunt the man down. I am a predator in the truest sense of the word, and I will not stop until I locate and kill my prey.

Rest too long in my youth
And find it hard to live in the truth
But do not tell me what is right
When I lose my head
I lose my sight

Julien is the only reason why I have remained atleast a little sane. As my frustration shines through when I find out that I have come up short, he is there to hold me down. As much as I kick and scream, take all of my anger out on him, he doesn't budge. I cringe sometimes when I remember my persistent yells at him, shrieking for him to just kill me to end the memories of my past. And after my shrieks subside, he is still standing in the same spot, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. He is there to rock me to sleep when I can no longer stand, tell me that we'll find the cruel man in the morning. I continuously tell myself that I do not love, it is out of the question. The immense problem with that concept, though, is the conflicting reality of the situation I am in. After all, I risked my whole life to save Julien, I brought him with me out to the forest in fears of Serge's followers killing him. So what are we then?

As much as I try to convince myself that I am unbreakable, I know that there are weaknesses imbedded in my skin. The disappointment that follows after the frustration and anger of wandering through the forest sometimes has the power to crush me. I am forced to collapse in on myself and allow the memories of my past to flood through my head like an endless stream of water. I curl into a ball on the forest ground, not even Julien's soothing touch enough to heal me. I am broken inside, beneath all of the layers and walls that I put up to hide my weaknesses. I am told that showing your weakness is an act of bravery, but I don't believe them. I tend to not believe anyone these days.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't drifted into the world full of drugs and alcohol. Julien tells me that there is always time to go back, to restart my life and live like a normal human-being, but I know better. I have drifted to far into this world of mine; a world where my mind is simply wandering off into space, lost in it's own fantasy. And as for going back to a normal life, I know I will not be excepted. I am a predator; a monster. My life has been dedicated to finding my prey, and without that constant drive, I would be lost. I don't belong in this world. I wouldn't know how to act, for even before I ran away, I was still the same. The same tortured soul.

I tell myself continuously that I am strong, I am a rock. Nothing can touch me. I am unbreakable. I know that I'm lying to myself, though. There is always something in the back of my head, wrapping around my thoughts like a tentacle. I imagine that tentacle squeezing my brain, causing the undesired memories of my past to drip out. The constant beatings. If I was so strong; if I was a rock, wouldn't I have been able to defend myself? If I was unbreakable, why did my mother's murder cause part of me to collapse and send me on the verge of insanity. It is because I am weak. As much as I try to protect it from showing through, I know it's true.

I dedicate my life, though, to hunt down the cruel man. The man that beat me constantly, yet showed me love afterward. His whispers still echo in my head sometimes, the eery sound echoing in my tortured thoughts. The sound of his voice, filled with so many lies, causes hatred to spill through me. I am filled with a burning passion to end his life; end it just the way he had stripped a part of me away from myself. "You'll get yourself killed, Piper" Julien says, his voice filled with worry. He doubts my strength, he assumes that I'll collapse before the man. This is where his confidence in me weakens, for he knows how unstable I can get. At times, I am ashamed to say that I agree with him. I know that the moment my eyes fall upon the man, the flashbacks will seethe through my veins. Everything inside of me will fall in a heap, leaving me crumbling to the floor like I always did. An act of submission to him like a dog, a dog submitting to to fulfill it's master's wishes.

So leave that click in my head
I won't remember the words that you said
A clouded mind and heavy heart
But I know I will have a new start

[/i]
No one would believe me if I told them I was born with a pure soul. I was born like any other normal child in District Eleven, facing the same hardships that any my age went through. That pure soul, though, had to get tainted throughout the ages. I'm not like Julien, who's soul stayed clean and filled with light, a boy who continued to try and morph this monster into a true beauty. Little does he know that I went through far too much to be changed, much more than the average teenage girl.

Like I said before, Serge has always been a large figure in the corners of my thoughts. He is always there in all of my memories, leaving me in a continuous state where I am forced to relive my past. It brings me back to the first time I met him, at the small age of twelve. I was already smoking then, my smoke drifting up in spirals into the darkened sky. His hands on my flesh surprised me, though there was no way out. My screams filled the air, though that was a common sound in the section I lived in. They were earsplitting, the sound vibrating in my ears until I went completely numb. I blocked out what was happening, collapsing within myself and giving into what he was doing. That was when I became attached to the man, his pentrating gaze always reflecting into my own.

He left me there on the street after he was finished, leaving only his whispers in my ear and the small sheet of paper that had his address written on it. I was crumpled in a ball on the cold stone, lost in my own tortured head. I can't really remember much of what happened after that horrible experience, only that the comforting arms wrapped around me brought me to safety. They were the hands of the young fourteen year-old Julien, his warm hold collecting my things and bringing me into the shelter of his own home. He took care of me, stitched together the broken pieces that had shattered the moment Serge's hands gripped around my arm. Everything within me broke when he threw me to the stone ground, and I still believe that those pieces will never be fully healed, no matter how hard Julien tries.

After that, Julien and I developed a relationship where we could not be seperated. We had a strong hold on one another, where we seemed to be puzzle pieces that almost fit perfectly together. If only my puzzle piece wasn't so tattered and crumpled, then maybe we would have been a perfect fit. My piece, though, continued to be ripped with every visit I had with Serge. I hid the visits from Julien, though I knew he had his supicions. Everytime our hands slipped from the other's grasp as I told him I had to go, I saw his eyebrows pull together in confusion. He was watching me, trying to protect me as always. If only I had listened to him.

Serge paid me to do his dirty deeds, some of which I prefer not to speak of. Some of them consisted of simply selling drugs to the hopeless people of District Eleven, beating the people into giving Serge their money; sometimes ending in death. As much as I tell Julien that I did my best to break away from Serge's strong hold on me, I know it's a lie. I simply submitted to his orders, my mind in a daze from all of the drugs and alcohol. I allowed him to beat me each time I screwed up his orders; lied there limply as he whispered words of love into my tortured ears. In ways, I was his slave. The kind that became attached to their master and couldn't bring it within themselves to leave.

Times changed, though. I began to see the coldness in my master's heart, saw his cruel intentions relfecting into my own gaze. Serge began to take notice to my beloved Julien, whose presence was still a strong asset to my life. He noticed the way Julien tried to change me; help me; tear me from my master's grasp. His intentions were clear to me on that dark night, the night where it ended with the point of a gun. He had walked to Julien's house, his fist knocking down the wooden door with a loud slam. I was there before him, though, my hands wrapped around Julien this time instead of the other way around. My pleading filled the air, begging for Serge to let Julien go. He felt betrayed by me, and took matters into his own hands.

His hands grabbed ahold of me, just like the first night he found me. They dragged me and Julien to my own house, where my mother was held down hopelessly in her chair. Serge's eyes locked into my own, his gun pointing at my mother's head instead of Julien's. The moment I noticed what was happening, her screams split into the air and she was gone. Her blood reached me, the scarlet liquid staining my scarred flesh. My sobs seemed to not bother my master, for all he said was how I should not turn against him again. He beat me harder than ever before, the feeling of his hands pounding against my skin enough to make my stomach churn. It was after that, when I surfaced from unconsiousness, that I knew I had to go.

The next day I was gone, taking Julien with me into the unknown security of the forest. Julien actually had to carry me, for I was too wounded to walk. Mentally and physically. The sight of my mother's body falling to the ground, the feeling of her blood touching me... it was enough to send me on the verge of insanity. He was there, though, his comforting words no longer able to stich me together the way they used to, no matter how hard he tried. There was a seperation between the two of us, for our careful gazes always met for a few seconds before they darted away. We didn't speak of what happened, for we both knew how unstable I was when I remembered it. We were no longer the puzzle pieces that fit together, we were just broken remains of what we used to be.

The day Julien and I left, I knew Serge must have too. His house was empty, with only a few traces of a hurried leave. He must have known the peacekeepers would trace it back to him, for what other reason would have caused him to leave a place where he was the top dog. I didn't know where he was headed, but I dedicated my life to figure it out. My life was still attached to him, my puzzle piece actually fitting together with him more than me and Julien.

I am wanted in many districts, for each time I enter one, one always ends up dying. My frustration is taken out on the people around me when I come up short on my prey. So close, yet so far away. I stay hidden, though. I hide in the forest, the unexpected places in the districts, and even the Capitol. I will find Serge if it takes my whole life; break his hold on me and wipe away his figure from the edges of my thoughts. I will make him disappear completely from my mind.

Throw in your hopes on fire
But you know your desire
I don't hold a glass over the flame
Don't let your heart grow cold
I will call you by name, I will share your road