Short of -Breath- {South}
Oct 4, 2011 22:32:08 GMT -5
Post by gamemaker kelsier on Oct 4, 2011 22:32:08 GMT -5
Talking
Doing
Deep Thought
Hearing Maddox
Hearing
I'm running through the halls of the house, not caring about the way I just left my tea sitting cold and alone, not thinking about the way I appear to be most unladylike. My breath comes in rough beats although I have only run for a moment. It's most likely due to the heavy skirts I wear, and the corset holding in my stomach, so tightly until it's just an exercise to simply breath. My mouth is open in a panicked Ó'shape as I run, trying to suck in the entire world it would seem. It is taking forever just to reach my doors. I reach out and lay a hand on one of the iron handles, tearing it open with a rough bang, and quickly slamming it closed behind me, hastily throwing the lock to keep the monsters out.
Finally, I let a sob catch itself, and a tear roll from my eyes, and around the frame of my face. I tear of the stupid kid gloves I was wearing for the visit, and fling myself onto my bed, not giving a damn about the way my dress is sure to wrinkle. Almost immediately, there is banging upon my door, as my brother calls, "MARION!" Just my name over and over, but every time he does, it feels as if he is inflicting a great injury, the pain intensifying every single time he calls for me. He does not understand the tears of a girl. He does not understand why I am so upset. I hear muffled whispering outside my door, and finally the shouting stops.
I replay the afternoon in my mind, remembering the intense excitement for the afternoon visit, only because I would get to leave the house. Another family was coming for tea in the garden, that has a young man my age. I am surprised at myself that I did not see the trap I was falling into. My mother even had me wear my new blue dress. My hair done up in a lovely bun. If I had known what it was for, I would have shaved my head completely bald. I am betrothed to their idiot son, with his idiot talks of the weather and chess. It was done and dealt with in an instant, and I realized that I am Nothing more than a girl on display. He never says anything deep, I don't even know his favourite colour, and I am expected to love and cherish him as long as we both shall live. I can feel my cage growing smaller and smaller as I grow larger and more self-aware.
I want it all to go away, and in sudden rage, I stand and try to tear off my carefully buttoned and tied dress, trying to loosen the corset. But it is impossible, and the more I try and loosen, the more it tightens. Oh, to be a boy, I think for the umpteenth time as my frustration heightens. In my preoccupied efforts, my mind has wandered away from the afternoon, and I almost unlock my door to find the maid, and my hand is on the key, I am walking over to the knob when it all comes crashing down again. I drop the key as my eyes widen and my hand goes to my heart. To an onlooker I would look ridiculous placing it on my right side, but that is where my heart lies. I am in agony, and suddenly the tears are all coming down, fresh and unstopped.
They streak across my hot face, taking the make-up and mascara with them to reveal the spotted freckles underneath. I do the one thing I can do, and tear out all my hairpins, my hair cascading down to rest around my face one by one. I want to break free of this stupid life. I want to rid the world of hairpins and corsets, and live in the wild, as if I were an animal. I want to see the sun for at least a moment before I must go into the next cage. Maybe I shall catch a glimpse in transfer. A bitter laugh erupts from my throat, and after a moment of standing in front of the mirror, and seeing myself, I realize how hideous I look, and how unladylike. But for once, it does not bother me. I calm, watching my face as my laughter falters and stops. I cannot do anything about the tears that still fall, but I wipe the mascara off nonetheless. I almost smile at the site of my freckles.
Hair falls across my face, the thick curls and waves in pandemonium, unsure of where to rest themselves. They are used to being held in place and told what to do, and I wish I could not say the same for myself. I sit quietly, watching my tears fall, and I realize after a moment that my heart has been not only broken, but destroyed. Shakily, I stand to greet the coming dark coming in my window. Although the dinner hour has come and passed while I have sat staring, I find I am not hungry. I no longer get hungry. A sudden wave of exhaustion hits me, and I realize that this is my second day of not sleeping. I grab the chair for support as I wobble, but instead of fighting it like I always do, I cross the room to my bed.
I lie down across it, not even removing my shoes. My hair fans out underneath my head and I know I must look insane. My hands curl themselves into fists, and I roll onto my side, protecting my chest. Eyes fluttering, I let myself ride upon the next wave of tiredness, my tears making strands of hair stick to the underside of my face. All thoughts of the afternoon begin to vanish as my breathing calms and night dawns. Moonlight casts its monochrome glow upon the end of the bed. I have left my balcony doors open in the fading heat of the lost summer, and although I am touched with coldness, I am far too tired to stand up and close them. A thought of what sleeping might do to me, inflicts itself upon my mind, but it is banished and I sleep.