| Tormented GOODBYES | | Hunger Games: The RPG

| Tormented GOODBYES | Feb 16, 2012 5:43:43 GMT -5

Quote

Post by cass on Feb 16, 2012 5:43:43 GMT -5

I am going away for a while
But I'll be back don't try and follow me
Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm tryin' to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe

That was it, wasn’t it?

It all ends within seconds. Surge saw the blade. He could tell where it was aiming. But all those years in the shop with his dad, perfecting and learning the perfect balance of a weapon, it all told him the blade was going to miss, just by the slightest fraction. It would only lightly graze his neck. But people are wrong. Surge was, Surge had been wrong all his life, he had been wrong to believe he was a good person. Everyone turns bad. When you realise what you have become, and it frightens you, you no longer believe you deserve life. Surge stared numbly at the ground he felt nothing. Monsters felt nothing, they had no feelings. They were dead. He quickly glanced at the purple that stained his skin. The purple, it was like a symbol. Everything had changed when that had happened. Surge wasn’t Surge. He had to kill the wrong in him.

He looks at his naked body. It was all there everything he had been born with. The scars that wringed his hands from days of hard work with his father. But then it wasn’t there. They were purple. They weren’t Surge. Nothing was him anymore. He wasn’t even sure if his heart was his. He had fallen off that cliff into the water, the water of insanity, and it had dragged him down. Down to the deepest part. Surge had drowned. He had lost himself to a force weaker than who he was. He had let it take control. It was his fault he was a disappointment. His eyes briefly meet the boys. The name he had never known. Surge felt nothing. You don’t feel anything when you are insane and have lost who you are.

There was no pain. Surge heard the air rush past him. He didn’t feel the axe make contact. He didn’t feel his head fall off and hit the red sand that had caused him so much anguish. Surge Alder was dead. He had died a person he had never wanted to be. Someone he would have been disgusted of. Someone his father, mother and Genie would have been ashamed of knowing. When you have truly lost who you are you don’t feel anymore. You become a monster, insane. You lose everything you believe in and love. The games have torn Surge apart. They have destroyed him. He isn’t what he used to be.

”Surge, you promise. Won’t you?” It was the morning before the Reaping and Genie and Surge were only twelve years old. They were sitting outside of their home. On the lawn, grass that was green and well kept. A home that Surge would never see again.“Genie, you know that I'd do.” Surge had said with a snort. “Surge. Say it. I need you to say it. I promise that if I ever get in the games I will stay true to myself and never become someone I would hate. Do you promise me you will do that?” She turned her pleading eyes on to Surge again. Surge knew that if he was in the games he would always be true to himself. It was what was special about him. So he said it.“ Genie I would. I swear on my life if I don’t I will end it.” He whispered.

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At first Genie said nothing to that she just stared at Surge. The she said so softly, “I would do the same. If I had lost everything I was I would end what wasn’t me.” Surge smiled at Genie, and taking his cousins soft hand in his they went back inside. He went to the reaping that day with a smile on his face, because he knew that whatever happened he would be true to himself. Surge knew that no matter what happened he would have his family with him. They would always be with him

[/i][/color]

That was why, that he felt so betrayed, Surge felt as if his heart has been torn from his very body. He had betrayed himself, Surge had let himself go, he had let himself stray from who he really was, yes he had tried to fix it in the falling sand. He had pulled himself away from that cliff of sanity he had kept himself as he truly was for at least half a day longer. But then the trap had changed him at had dragged him down, till that fight with the boy. That pushed him. He wasn’t himself. It was all his fault, he had no one to blame for what he had become. Surge wanted to cry as his anguish tore at him. He had failed Genie. He had promised he would end it all if he lost who he really was. And to Surge to fail the ones you truly love, to fail the people that mean more to you than the world is the end. It is worse than death itself, because it will always stay with you even in death. Surge let his family down. He let himself down. What was the point in living? It was punishment; he deserved nothing more than death, a death that would kill him forever. It wasn’t peaceful. Betrayal never is.

He still remembers it all, he can still see the district one boys eyes, and the way he looked at Surge, he looked at Surge as if he wasn’t human, as if he was just like all those Capitol Mutts. The purple hadn’t been that bad at first, Surge gad just believed it be be purple just a colour, but The district one boy had changed that. When you look at someone as if they aren’t human as if they are a piece of filth and something that has been sent to destroy you… you learn something, it might take its time, but you do. As Surge stared into those eyes all he had thought of was blood, blood and the boy’s death. Had it been the purple that had stained his skin, had it also poisoned him mind? No it hadn’t. You don’t do things unless you want to. Surge had wanted that boys blood, he had wanted him dead.

When everyone thinks you are crazy you go with it, because you truly believe you are. When you do that you have given up. You have lost the will to live. There is no going back. Surge has done that. He is no longer the boy that would help a lady cross the road. He in everyone’s eyes was something that people cringed from, he was dirt, something you tried to get away from, he was what you curl your lip at in disgust. He wasn’t wanted everyone wanted. In a fight he was the one that everyone screamed at to kill. He was evil. Surge felt his heart twist, even in death he could still feel his body. He could feel all the pain now. He could see who he really was.

He regretted so much, he regretted everything he had done. Surge felt the world spin around him. He felt nothing for himself anymore, he had lost all self-respect a long time ago, and he had lost everything that was him a long time ago. When you have lost everything you are, all you have left is death. He could see his family’s faces, but he didn’t see tears or sadness. He saw anger, shame, pain and looks of disappointment. Surge had destroyed his family. He had broken the promise he had made. All he could see was Genie’s disappointed face.

He wanted to cry, he wanted to beg for a change, to plead for them to forgive him. Surge’s heart ached to see them all, he wanted to go home. He wanted to see his family, his father’s happy smile. Surge didn’t want to wait. He couldn’t wait forever. Surge knew he would never see them again. It was his entire fault. He felt the despair and pain wash through him. Hell was where he was going. He would burn there forever for what he had done. He would never see the family he loved again. Surge would never be able to fix what he did wrong. That was probably what made the anguish pull him down. He fell into the blackness of despair and pain. He drowned and choked in it. He would never get out. He had done too much wrong. He had broken Genie’s promise. Surge didn’t deserve happiness.

Slowly a tear slide down Surges face. It was once said that the decapitated only cry when they regret so much that they have done and when they learn that nothing they ever do will make it right.[/justify][/size]

The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
I'm just a ghost

(Credit to Zoe for the Post Header <333)[/blockquote][/size]