Spite and Envy (zakattak)

Saber was sulking through the rainy streets of District One. He prowled his way back to the exclusive training center he was a part of, pulling his hood over his head as the deluge continued. It had been storming for days now, and the citizens of this wealthy district were beginning to tire of it. Saber was enjoying it at the moment however because it fit his mood perfectly. A girl from his school passed by with her mother by cover of umbrella. She smiled and waved, but Saber merely scowled back.

Thoughts of his fight earlier that afternoon plagued his mind. He lightly touched the wounds Charm had left on his right bicep and winced; they stung like hell. He glared as face of the blonde boy who gave him the nasty gashes swam around his memory. Saber always insulted his opponents, knowing just how to distract them in a fight. With Charm it was always different though, as his rival, Saber couldn’t help himself from going overboard. Today he struck a particularly strong nerve with Charm that had sent him over the edge. Saber winced again as he recalled the horrified and devastated look on Charm’s face as he unleashed his merciless taunts today. That was when Charm had overtaken him today. When those sad eyes locked with Sabers, the giant of a career had a lapse when his heart felt as if knives had stabbed it through.

The look of hate from Charm that followed brought Saber back to reality as he found himself on the floor and blood flowing rapidly from his arms. That had set him off again, yelling a new array of insults at the only boy who was ever able to over power him in training. After the trainers had wrapped Saber’s wound, he stormed out of the gym without another word.

After spending the rest of the night brooding, Saber figured it was late enough everyone would have left the studio and he could go let out his frustration in some training rounds. When he finally got to the studio, he realized he was wrong as he noticed the lights still shimmering from the small basement windows. He unlocked the doors with his personal key—all of the trainees had one for times like this where they just needed to get away from it all; the trainers loved them continuing training outside of their usual schedules.

As Saber entered the basement gym, he knew who his company was before he had even stepped through the threshold into the main room. He could hear the rapid swinging of Charm Lazuli on his specially designed gymnastics bars. Saber gritted his teeth and stood for a moment, debating leaving. Charm brought out the worst in Saber. He was so torn between attraction and envy, and his wounded pride always allowed the envy to win. He was envious of Charm’s ability to make everyone love him; no one treated Saber like that. Before Charm had showed up, Saber was the big man around because he was the strongest. Suddenly Charm was his main competition with his acrobatic and agile killing abilities. That coupled with Charm’s well… natural charm, the spotlight was always on him. Even Saber’s own parents focused more on Charm’s glory than his own. The worst of it all, was that Saber was enthralled by Charm himself, and it ate him up inside. Every time Saber lashed out on the doe-eyed blonde, he hated himself a little more, but it was his only defense.

After a moment’s thought, Saber entered the room. He watched as the slender, limber figure twirled and flipped from bar to bar until he finally made a landing. Instead of Charm’s usual finesse though, he had merely fallen to the mat. With a stoic face, Saber stepped forward and clapped slowly.

“Looks like you’re losing your touch,” Saber said, his expression remaining stony.

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Keeping his expression unreadable, Saber watched as Charm tried to nonchalantly wipe the damp remains of tears from his cheek. He wondered if he was the cause of the tears, torn between being hopeful and guilty. The little blonde turned his nose in the air, snubbing Saber, causing his anger to flare up. He clenched his jaw, hating that Charm never cowered under him like the others. He walked slowly over to his rival, watching as slowly spread the chalk for the gymnastics bars over his hands. It was strange how the boy who looked so delicate and made every move with grace could be the one to challenge Saber’s level of ferocity in combat. Charm had been so focused in chalking up his hands that he hadn’t noticed Saber was directly behind him by the time he spoke.

”What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be getting your arm stitched up or something? Or did you come back for some more gashes?”

Saber gritted his teeth and his nostrils flared as his temper began climbing to a dangerous peak. As always, synonymous with his rage at Charm, the blood began flowing hot in his friend downstairs too. He was in constant turmoil between his jealousy and unyielding attraction for the tight little figure that was just inches away from him.

He leaned down placing his large hands firmly on Charm’s bare shoulders. He brought his lips right beside Charm’s ear, startling him and spoke in a threatening voice. “You think you’re so tough punk, then why don’t you try to take me down when your little bodyguards aren’t around? Or are you afraid to break the rules of Mommy and Daddy? Afraid I might ruin your pretty little face? ”

Saber’s inner mind winced at his own words. Guilt still weighed down heavily on him about the day he slashed Charm’s unconscious face open. He had lost his control, his jealousy of this boy blinding him with rage. It ate him up inside that the two weren’t allowed to be alone together, but then again…here they were, tonight-alone.

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Charm’s closing words to his retort stung Saber far deeper than he’d like to admit. The fact that everyone idolized Charm over himself always struck a nerve with him. Anger pulsed through his veins as Saber cracked his neck and glared down at the little blonde. The urge to pound his fist into that perfect face was overwhelming, but he weighed his next move. This constant struggle between hateful envy and attraction had really started to tire Saber within the last few weeks, and this afternoon’s events hadn’t helped much. He cracked his jaw and slowly leaned against the wall besides Charm’s gymnastics beams. Saber closed his eyes and licked his lips as he concentrated hard on not pouncing the prey before him. He could either let his predatorial instincts take over or let his attraction finally win out and be civil. He decided on the latter.

Saber wasn’t used to being nice to anyone, but everyone starts from somewhere. He opened his eyes and his stomach began churning and his face grew warm. He better say it quick before he changed his mind and let anger retake over.

“Well maybe they would like me more if you weren’t always stealing the spotlight by being so cute… and stuff…”

He gave a small, strained smile that looked more like he was about to be sick. Then again, he did feel kind of sick. A bead of sweat tickled his strong forehead. Did that really just come out of my mouth? What the hell! I sound like a fucking idiot!

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Saber’s brow furrowed as Charm looked so taken aback. He should have known better than to expect any sort of positive response. Then again, Saber wasn’t even sure what he was expecting to begin with, if anything at all. This was new territory for him and he was acting on his toes. Though his instincts never failed him in battle, his tactics in the romance department couldn’t even be called rusty, as they were never used to begin with. The most romantic moments he could recall were only the ones conjured of Charm in his own imagination. Though he most often shrugged them off and pushed them aside, occasionally he could let his anger and envy subside and let his mind wander to the attraction that swept over his body for his rival.

His mouth opened three times as he grasped for words to say, but closed without releasing anything but oxygen each time. He looked like a fish gasping for air. He turned his head to the side and took a deep breath as he continued to attempt to quell his frustration with both himself and the boy before him. Finally he turned and gazed into those blazing blue eyes, head on.

“Yes… I called you cute,” he said in near mumble. He took a step toward Charm and continued to look down into his eyes. “I’m not trying to get you off your guard right now… I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

Saber’s chest swelled as he took another deep breath. His eyes scanned the empty gym and memories of his duels with Charm played before him. Images of the two slamming into each other, hurling one another against walls and grappling across the floor charged the room with tense energy. Saber was beginning to feel hot and his cheeks were betraying him as they grew red and warm. He was blushing. He bit his lip, embarrassed for this sign of weakness. He was always the intimidator, especially to Charm. His anger was beginning to take hold again; he had to say his bit now or he might not have another opportunity like this.

He nervously scratched his huge chest and licked his lips. “Look, half the time, I can’t decide whether I want to punch you or… well, kiss you. I know this probably sounds fucking crazy to you, since I’m such an ass to you… well, everyone, but mainly you.” He took another step, closing the gap between Charm and himself. Saber reached his large hand up to touch Charm’s cheek where he had once cut him even though there was no longer a scar, but Saber faltered awkwardly and quickly scratched his other arm. He had wanted to talk to him about it since it happened, but they had been put under so much supervision that it had become impossible. Saber’s pride would never let him admit fault in front of others. The guilt seemed to weigh even heavier now that the two were alone.

“Charm, I…. I’ve wanted to apologize for your face so many times… It’s just… every time I’m around you, I’m at war with myself, and it just pisses me off more! I know I shouldn’t take it out on you, but just… ah! Everything about you is so infuriating to me! You came to this damn training center and you won everyone over in a day! You win everyone that you meet over in seconds! No one looks at me like they look at you, not even my parents… Hell, I can’t even keep myself

[/b] from looking at you! That’s the worst damn part of it all! That’s why I say the things I do to you… I want you to hate me so I can hate you... but I still find myself thinking about you constantly! I hate this, damn it![/color]”

Saber was breathing heavily now, and took a step back to lean against the wall again. He grabbed his hair and tugged in frustration. He wasn’t used to voicing his thoughts; Saber usually just pummeled and tormented his opponents to get out his anger. His conflicted feelings over Charm had been building up for far too long now though to ignore any longer. [/blockquote]
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A million curses sprung to Saber’s mind as Charm started to walk away. This wasn’t going well, although he shouldn’t have expected it to anyway. He couldn’t let Charm leave now though. There may never be another opportunity like this, with them alone. Plus, Saber might never have the gall or strength of mine to pursue the boy he had longed for all this time again. He took two great steps and placed his hand on Charm’s shoulder to turn him back around to face him.

“Charm, wait, damn it!” he shouted. His voice sounded angrier than he had meant it too, but he didn’t want to lose his chance. He took a breath to calm himself and lowered his voice. “I know it’s a lot to believe… and I understand if you hate me. Hell, that was my goal—to make you hate me… and part of me still hates you! Do you know that even my own parents talk about you more than they pay any attention to me?” He let out a noise of disgust. “All they care about is fame and glory… I’ll show them when I win the Games… then they’ll be proud…” He was starting to lose focus of the moment, but shook his head and looked into Charms eyes. “Look, the point is, as confused as I fucking am, I have strong feelings for you… That’s why I treat you the way I do. I don’t want it to be like this any more though. I don’t want to be barred from seeing you outside of the gym or without supervision. I said I’m sorry, and … I mean it.”

Saber gritted his teeth; he was beginning to lose steam and was becoming frustrated. He wasn’t sure what he could possibly say to make Charm believe him. Though conflicted, the feelings were real and Saber’s body wasn’t going to let him fight them any longer. With one hand he grabbed Charm’s chin and tilted his face up, and used his other arm to pull the small athletic frame hard against his own. He bent down and kissed Charm with as much passion as he could put into it, forcing out all of the sexual aggression and tension that had built up between them in four years.

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Saber was left standing alone in the gym. He groaned and kicked hard at the ground as the exit door swung closed behind Charm. That had gone nothing like the usual fantasies he had of the confession of his feelings. He shouldn’t have really expected much more than what he got though. Charm was right not to believe him. How could he? With all the years of Sabers relentless bashing of him and the extreme rivalry between the two. Not to mention he knew he had a rep for riling up his opponents by messing with their heads; of course Charm would assume that. He knew he would have to do something to show he meant what he said. It had taken him a year to get Charm alone and to work up the nerve to apologize and it had taken him since the day they had met to be able tell him the truth of how he felt. There was no going back now.

After several reps in the weight room, Saber headed home for the next. As the sulked through the rain, he tried to think of a way to show Charm the truth.

***

The next day at school, the two kept making awkward eye contact, but the opportunity never arose for Saber to make his move. He could tell Charm was blatantly avoiding him and he was starting to regret last night. He shouldn’t have said anything. If his own parents didn’t even love him, how could he expect the boy that seems to have everyone wrapped around his finger to ever do so?

He debated waiting for Charm after school to try and talk to him on the way to the training center, but decided to start walking. It was still rainy from the day before, so he put up his hood as he meandered through the streets of District 1. Usually he jogged or ran, but he just wasn’t in the mood today. The rain wasn’t helping either.

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By halfway to the training center, the rain had already entirely soaked through Saber’s clothes and he was drenched. His body was aching to shiver, but he refused to show a sign of weakness like that in public. Instead, he continued onward, his hands holding his hood over his eyes so he could still see in what quickly became a downpour. He could hear quiet footfalls approaching him quickly. If it hadn’t been for the puddles, he probably wouldn’t have even heard them coming. He glanced to the side and caught a glimpse of the source of his misery out of the corner of his eye. Before he could think of a reaction, he noticed it had stop raining—well it had stopped raining on him at least. As he continued walking her glanced to the side to see that Charm had lifted his umbrella to share. Maybe last night hadn’t gone as badly as he thought.

“Thanks,” he said, attempting a smile, but it just looked like an awkward strain on his face. His facial muscles were used to smug and devilish grins, but not genuine smiles. His heart was pounding being so near to Charm in a non-confrontational way. He had always wondered what a moment like this might be like … the two of them together in this way. He wondered if he should maybe say something, but this was all so new to him. Plus, whatever it was Charm was thinking was still a mystery to him, so he continued walking quietly but kept looking at the boy he was so drawn to out of the corner of his eye.

Saber couldn’t help but find it cute the way Charm had to reach so high to cover his head. Without a word, he gently took the umbrella from the little blonde’s soft hands and held it up for the both of them as they continued walking.

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