AVLC | Wish I Had A River {Renn}

S P E A K I N G // T H I N K I N G

The day had started with an early wake-up. Sometime around six am. There had been scratching at the bedroom door that had swung shut absentmindedly last night, and after some bleary concentration, Fenn realized that Suspenders wasn't in the room. Stumbling out of bed, and feeling bloated and fat, she pulled open the door and then climbed back into her bed, not agreeing with the freezing air at all. The cat in question climbed under the covers with her and purred against her, fitting snugly against the crook of her breasts and where her abdomen had been expanding slowly for the last few months. She had barely noticed how much bigger she was getting, unused to the extra bulge there. After cuddling with the kitten for a good while, it's little heat oven of a body warming her own, she got ready for the day.

She considered just pulling on sweats and one of Riley's shirts that she had demanded a few weeks back, but something about the date made her want to dress nicely. After picking out a red baby doll dress with white flowers and lace around the edges, and an empire waste, she chose white ballet flats as well. Slipping it over her head, she enjoyed the way it hid the bump of the thing growing inside her, still unable to think of it as anything other than a baby, even though it was slowly waking up inside her. She swept her waves over to one side of her and then carefully applied some mascara, managing to feel a little bit like her old self again. Absentmindedly, she glanced at the calendar beside her alarm clock, and her heart almost instantly plummeted.

It was December twenty fourth. How did she not notice Christmas sneaking up on her? Christmas was always hard for her, and it didn't help that it was her first one spent sober in three years. Shutting her eye, she chagrined herself, "No, bad. Don't think like that because that just calls for the drink." It had helped in the weeks after going through finally giving up the stuff, and it wasn't doing so bad a job now. Every now and then she found herself longing for a good head vacation, but one look at one of the numerous sticky notes portraying a smiley face, and a, 'you can do it!' in Riley Lightwood's scrawling hand instantly put her off of the thought. With a soft sigh she continued on with her morning preparations, and then on to her yearly traditions.

Feeding her cat, she drank a quick cup of tea, no coffee allowed, and the millions of prenatal vitamins that Riley had gotten for her. It had gotten to the point where she could swallow down a handful at one go, no problem. With it she ate a grapefruit half, and a piece or two of ham, for the baby. Definitely not the same as a small bottle of Bailey's. With that done, she got out Suspender's yearly can of tuna present and wrapped it, and then got out her marshmallow making kit and struggled with her fireplace, a sizable bump in the way. Luckily, Riley had already stocked the woodpile, forever worried that she might freeze to death in the cold weather. That done, she flipped the T.V on and turned it to the log channel with the christmas music and every so often, a hand fixing the logs.

Some might say that it was an odd thing to do when one already had a fireplace, but to Fenn it had been a yearly tradition ever since she could remember. Something about her father never having a fireplace, and just a T.V. So she switched it on every year. Opening the bag of marshmallows, she placed one on the end of her poker and started roasting, making endless s'mores, all lined up in a row that she may or may not eat later. This tradition was because her mother liked to bring them around when the family went caroling. But Fenn hadn't really the heart to carol in quite some time. As Suspenders strutted in, he spotted the can of tuna, even wrapped he knew what it was. Slowly, he started attacking it, and Fenn knew that the paper would be off in less than an hour.

As she sat there, roasting marshmallows at nine in the morning, she wondered what the Lightwoods were up to. What they would be doing for Christmas. She heard so much about them all the time from Riley, that sometimes she felt like she had already met them. Avon with her stern face and warm heart, Keela with her beautiful smile and quiet demeanor. She wondered if they would be preparing for Christmas as well, or if they were all shut up in their rooms, not talking to each other. Such a a stupid practice that. She couldn't fathom why a family so big would not get along so infamously. But then again it was easy for her to know that when she had lost everyone. Or maybe they knew their way backwards around a Christmas evening, whereas she always found herself floundering.

She almost half wished that Riley might come and see her today. she didn't really expect it though. He had made no comments about visiting her at the holiday, and she knew he had his big family to worry about. She was fine with it really. Perfectly content surrounded by a bunch of s'mores that no one would eat. Well, okay, she did have someone. Or something. The thing in her stomach. That was a someone, and the best part was that she couldn't and wouldn't ever leave her, seeing as the thing would have to be born to abandon her. So haha, not alone at all, not alone for three months now. She looked out of the big glass wall that made up the other half of the living room, so that she could see out into the gardens around her home, resting her head on one of her knees, the poker drooping in her hand.

She could see a little ways onto the pathway in front of her house, only a corner bit, but was surprised to see a figure slipping by. Not getting excited, it was probably the mailman, she moved so that she was resting on the balls of her feet in front of the fire, intently roasting the marshmallow a perfect golden brown. All her practice really paid off, she was becoming a master marshmallow cooker. But when she heard the door open with a key turn and a click, she couldn't stop a small warmth from blooming somewhere down in her stomach and working it's way up as a smile lit up almost immediately. Riley was the only one who knew where the spare key was, so he was the only one who could be here. As he sat down with a plop beside her, she found herself guessing right.

Carefully resting the poker down on a log, she watched as the marshmallow turned black, expanded, and burnt off. It was a small sacrifice, as Riley had come bearing gifts. She had been running out of nutella, he must have known, as he brought her a new jar. Smiling at the cookies, she guessed that maybe Chyba had decorated them. And the rose was lovely, so pristine, with such a large head. All wonderful gifts. But the invitation, quite unexpected threw her of guard. Buying time, she picked up the most recent s'more from the many resting all over the place. "S'more?" she finally said, holding it out, and biting her lip. She didn't think she was really ready to meet the family. "It's....okay Riley. I have my traditions. I don't want to ruin your family time. Besides, I don't want to ruin their Christmas by having to meeting me."