Something About This Place // Kenneth

This is my December, this is me alone,
And I just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed

It is unseasonably warm, which could be the only reason that I ventured out of the house. I don't really like to leave the children unattended, but it's a market day, and someone has to go. Elida will manage the others well enough, I hope. She will. I wish Cygnus had been able to go, but there's butchering to be done, and I definitely don't want to do that. He's also so happy with Marcelline and they don't get enough time together. I hope that lasts.

It's not that I hate the walk to the city center, although it is long. Today though it's scenic - all of the houses blanketed in snow, their roofs ladened with it. I wonder if this is why Mace stays inside his house on victor row, and never comes to see us anymore. Cygnus tells me he won't see anyone at all, and I'm not sure I could blame him. Even I can see the similarities between our district in this heavy winter and the arena he survived. It's so rare for us to have snow; it feels really unfair after the 59th.

I'd like to visit Mace, but I won't, because he's my brother and I'm trying to understand what it must be like. I can't imagine being by myself all the time but maybe that's just the only way to deal. I miss him, though, even more now that I'm so close. I wonder if he ever actually cleans up his house, if he'd let me just bring him some hot food. Maybe I'll try, if there's anything in the market I can afford.

There's so many people at market today, probably because it's warmed up to sweater weather. I wonder how long the snow will last when it's like this. I shouldn't be thinking about the snow as I pass through the market tents but I can't help it. Standing in line makes me nervous, although I can't figure out why, and pretty soon it's just the crowd as a whole -- I think it's going to swallow me up.

The interior of the baker is warm, too warm for the day, but it's also fairly quiet. Without Mace's allowance, I'd never have been able to come inside at all. He may not come around but he always makes sure we have some extra spending cash now. I don't really know what to do with mine, but now a nice hot bun sounds pretty good. There's another boy inside the shop - tall and blonde and completely out of place here. He is beautiful in the way the sparkling white snow outside is.

I don't know what to say, or if I should say anything. I do want to hear him talk though, just to hear what his voice sounds like. Gripping the coin in my pocket, I look at the display, and duck my chin as I attempt to open conversation. "Anything that's extra good? I've never been here before. Uh, well, inside, you know." And it's not just the cold that's turning my cheeks red anymore.