Lies[Arx]

Shayde let himself swim. The ocean in hi mind was so easy to swim through, it was so soothing to dream. Memories and images of a past life ran through his fingers and over his bare feet. This place was the place he loved most. District 9. He could go anywhere he wanted in these dreams that never ended. District 9, the metal molding factory, the clouds, the ocean, the Capitol. It was easy to get caught up in it all, to think that you were living. There really was only one problem with the whole thing. One single flaw that ruined it.

You got lonely.

No matter how hard Shayde tried, the memories would not add the people. His memories and dreams only included places and no one dwelled there, at least none would show themselves. Shayde wondered how he could find anyone in a place so big, but he supposed that he saw no one because no one was looking for him. Because no one cared, no one came. Or perhaps he wasn't strong enough to see anyone. Perhaps this place only allowed those who where privileged enough or only those who deserved it. And he knew that he didn't deserve it. None of it. He shouldn't be here.

But still he yearned to see old faces. He wanted to talk to his brother. Talk to his parents. Talk to the boy he volunteered for in the Reaping. Talk to Sconnies his firefly. Talk to the guys at the factory. Talk to Sawyer and Charas. Talk to Sperring. Talk to Damaris. But wanting does not grant the gift of receiving and so Shayde still stands alone in a place were lonesomeness is bearable. Why couldn't he find anyone? Why didn't they come? Where are they? Why won't they visit? Why can't I talk to them?

“You coward, you ass hole. You watched and did nothing. Now you will pay.”

Shayde turned his head to a voice. The prickly words were unplaceable in his mind. He didn't know this voice. Was it possible to die in your memories and dreams? Was it possible to die in this new world and new life?

But as he turned he realized he did know the voice. Although he knew it in a softer tone. A tone that spoke friendship not killing and rage. Was he real?

Shayde took a step forward. He tried to absorb the words his old friend had just spoke and he wasn't sure he could take it. He didn't understand. Was he real?

"Sperring?"

Shayde wasn't sure if he could believe his eyes. Was he going insane again? Like he had before he bled his way out of his other life? He blinked, trying to clear his head. This was the first he had seen of anyone at all. Or at least anyone that could talk. He had been seeing images of his past, of those he loved and hated, but they were all just illusions. Untouchable. Unfeeling. Only memories. Sometimes it seemed they were fixations of his. The unmoving images of people in his head were starting to bother and scare him, especially when the images were bleeding or dying. The new life he lived didn't only have the good, it also included the bad, the evil, the ugly.

Shayde decided after a few more blinks and some steps forward that it was in fact Sperring. But it wasn't the Sperring he wanted to see. The tense, the angry. The Sperring in front of him now was spewing hateful words and clenching his fists and jaw. Shayde was tempted to let himself run away, to avoid this confrontation that he didn't want. But ... was Sperring even real? Or were his memories just trying to scare him now by deciding to speak? Shayde feared stepping any closer, so he stayed put. He was about to call to him again, asking if it was him, but instead Sperring, or the memory of him, or whatever. spoke.

“Shayde are you really my friend, like all those words you spoke of in the training session? Do you really care for me?”

Shayde swallowed. Emotion was already being stirred up within him. Should he speak? Should he hope this hallucination, or not, was real? But before he let himself even decide, he spoke again.

“Were you there? Did you help at all when I had all those people trying to kill me? Or did you just stand there and watch, did you do nothing, but watch the life bleed from me...watch me die.”

Shayde couldn't hold himself back any longer. Whether the identity in front of him was a hallucination or was actually the afterlife of Sperring, the things they were saying were unbearable.

"Of course I care. You are my friend! I'm sorry, okay, I wasn't strong enough to help you, I couldn't help you. You - You were dead when I left you ..."

Shayde let his head hang in hi hand. He rubbed his forehead, trying to rid himself of the aches that had entered at the thought of his friends death. Had Sperring been able to see into the other world when I died? Did Sperring watch me die? The thought of it was a bit terrifying ... No one should have to watch death ... it wasn't fun. Shayde had been trying so hard since he entered this world to rid himself of the sights and sounds and smells of death. He had watched the death of a mutt, of Sperring, and of Damaris. His whole alliance had been massacred before his eyes and it seemed that those thoughts would never leave him. Sometimes his evil memories overcame the good. Life wasn't a fairytale.

"Sperring, if you are real and actually Sperring ... Did you watch me die? Could you?"

Shayde let himself relax. He was so grateful that Sperring had not been able to watch his death. Watching death, especially that of your friends, was so draining, so painful --- But listening to the place that Sperring was describing, Shayde felt himself flinch. The darkness, the unfeeling. That was nothing like what happened to him. In fact, it had mostly been the opposite. Did that mean that the process of dying was different for everyone? And besides that, how did they find eachother? Where were all the other entities that had experienced death?

Overall, he said he was sorry. Why? It wasn't his fault and yet he was apologizing. If anything, Shayde knew he should be sorry. For leaving him at the Bloodbath, for not living longer, for Sperring having to deal with that place he was in, for not being strong enough his whole life, for volunteering in the Games in the first place and leaving his parents, for not trying to find his brother, for not being able to say goodbye to everyone he loved ... "I'm sorry." he murmured more to himself than to Sperring.

The next few moments were awkward, silent. Shayde let his mind debate whether or not to believe that this was actually Sperring, and his mind was definitely giving into what it wanted. His mind wanted to believe. It wanted to actually see someone, not some fake illusion, but a real person. Did the afterlife allow for that? Seeing real people from your past in their new form? Shayde rubbed his chin, noticing immediately that he needed to shave. Where was a razor when you needed one?

“Err... How’s Damaris, is she still alive? What did you do when I died? What happened? Who’s dead and alive?”


Shayde felt a tear some to his eye almost immediately. He swiped it away, angry that they always seemed to some when he heard her name. Shayde guessed it was a valid question, but he wasn't sure if he could answer it. He didn't want to lie and tell him that he knew how she was. He hadn't seen her since she died, therefore didn't know how she was. How's Damaris? He let her death run through his mind. He wondered if he could let the memory of it float in around him, then he could just show Sperring how he broke down in tears in front of about the two meanest, bad-ass tributes in the Games. How he begged for death and secretly held his anger and rage against them for killing her. Sawyer killed her, Charas killed him. They were the perfect couple.

The next part of the question: What did you do after I died? Run, run, run until the air made his lungs freeze. Find Damaris and run away to a jungle. Run some more and see faces from the previous day flash in the sky. Find a waterfall. Watch Damaris nearly get killed by a Hellhound. Feel terrible for having nothing but a worthless hammer. Manage to get to another jungle. Get attacked by Charas and Sawyer. Watch them give no mercy to Damaris. Cry over her dead body. Plead for them to kill me. Gain sympathy from Sawyer and get invited into the alliance. Accept the invitation then regret it. Create spears as new weapons. Secretly plan/wish/dream of killing them both. Find Berkley. Attack him and scream Sperring's name into the sky. Get Sawyer and Charas to think he is absolutely crazy. {which he supposed he had been} Stay in the jungle another day, hallucinating all night and experience pain from lack of water. Cry at the sight of Damaris's face flashing in the sky. Wake up and trek a bit before finding Sundra all alone. Watch Charas attack her, then attack Sawyer. Then Sawyer attacks him, and he attacked Charas for revenge. Then one of Charas' knives hits him in the eye and game over.

Why did life suck so much?

"Uhh ... Damaris died before me. I wish I knew where she was and how she was. I miss her ..." He paused for a moment, swallowing emotion. Specifically that of heartbreak. "When I died there were 10 others left. 9 other tributes died with you at the Bloodbath. As far as I know, if you know them by name, Midas, Sawyer, Nadia, Sundra, Aesop, Alexander, Ber ... Berkley, Mace, Denver, and Charas are still alive." Why in the hell was he discussing the Games? With a new tone of voice he spoke fiercly.

"Anything else you'd like to know?"