Breaking Fences [Rusty Rockets]

I spent longer at my mother’s grave than I intended to, and had totally forgotten to take care of the sheep. I groan when I remember my obligations and make my way back to the main part of the farm. I see someone in the sheep’s pen, and I immediately think it’s someone trying to steal them. I clench my teeth in fury, and pick up my pace.

As I get closer, I recognize the slim figure as Hadena, and realize that she is doing my job; the one that I had forgotten about. Weirdly, this makes me angrier than if someone had been actually trying to steal them. I climb over the pen’s fence, and stalk up to her. I think about reining in my anger, but decide to let it run free. It would be more fun that way. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?” I snarl at her, and yank the shovel from her hands. “You don’t think I’m capable of taking care of my own farm?”

I hadn’t seen her since the day of my mother’s funeral, when I had just left her in the house. She had been gone when I got back, and I had been relieved. “I’m not my mother. I don’t need to be taken care of. Just leave me the fuck alone. You didn’t have a problem with it before.”

"Would you knock it off?" I growl, and take the shovel back from her. I then toss it like a Frisbee, so that it goes sailing into the distance. "I. Fucking. Don't. Need. Your. Help." I enunciate each word. "I didn't ask for it, and I don't want it." I grab her by the shoulders, and steer her toward the gate. "Get off my property, bitch." I reach the gate and give her a little shove.

"I never said I wanted you to start talking to me. All I said was that I hated you for disappearing without even a one word of explanation. It invalidated our entire friendship. Now get lost. And I swear, if I ever catch you here again, I'm going to get the peacekeepers on your ass for trespassing." Okay, so maybe I'm over reacting. But I don't need Hadena here taking care of my farm, like she took care of my mother. It's like she is saying that since I couldn't take care of my mother, I can't clean up sheep shit either. It's like she is proving a point.

Hadena always knew how to hit me where it hurt the most. She's had that rather unfortunate talent since we were kids. Looks like she never lost it.

Her words makes my entire body tense. For some reason, I feel horribly betrayed. I look at her coldly, wanting to smack her right across her smug face. Which, of course, makes me feel like a terrible person. I've never hit Hadena in anger before, and the fact that I want to actually hurt her kinda sickens me. But still, she overstepped her boundaries.

Instead of striking her, I grip her chin roughly, and tilt it up so that I was staring directly into her eyes. "You think you're better than me, huh? You get in some quality time with mother before she dies and all of a sudden you are such a great and noble person that needs to help the poor people around you. You have no right." I hiss. I am a terribly prideful creature, and she is going straight for my jugular by mentioning my finical situation. I must save face, and the only way to do that is to cut her so deep she can't retaliate. “Why do you feel such a need to help people? Hmm? Are you trying to fill that empty void left by your brother? You couldn’t save him so now you are trying to save everybody else?” I knew that mentioning her brother was a low blow, and later I’d regret it, but at the moment, I couldn’t care less. “Well, guess what. You couldn’t save mother either.”

I feel a flash of victory when I see the tears in her eyes, which is then replaces by a deep sense of self loathing. Hadena never cried. It’s for the best. Or at least, that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. If I can alienate her now, it can save us a whole lot of unnecessary and painful conversations in the future. More importantly, I won’t have to deal with these pesky things called feelings.

“If you know you ruin everything you touch, then why do you insist on forcing yourself upon me? Do you want me to have a terrible life? If you are such a bane on the world, then why don’t you just do us all a favor and lock yourself in your house?” I say to her, forcing my tone to go flat. Even though her back is to me, I put on a haughty expression. “Honestly, I have no clue why you even care. I’ve made it very clear to you that I don’t want you, or your help. Are you a masochist or something? Desperate for attention? What? What makes you cling to me like your life depends on it? You got along fine without me, before.”

Wow, I’m kind of a dick. She just came here to help, and I repay her with verbal abuse. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s what’s best for the both of us.

“Are you kidding me?” I laugh, amazed at her audacity. “You have to be fucking kidding me.” I run a hand through my hair. “What gives me the right? How about it’s my fucking life, Hadena, I can treat people however the fuck I want to treat them.” I thrust out my arm so that the ball of ice she threw at me shatters against my forearm. I do the same for the next projectile. “Where do you get off, you fucking hypocrite?” I’m enjoying this, sad to say. I like tearing people down. I like belittling them. It’s what I have become. Maybe I did have qualms about doing it to Hadena before, but now I’ve successfully detached myself from that stupid part of my life. I’ve detached myself from her.

She’s put distance between us, and in a few strides I close it. I loom over her, using my height as a method of intimidation. “What makes you think you have the right to come here and interfere? Does your life suck that much that you feel the need to fix mine to make yourself feel better? What is it with you?” I screw my face up in a look of loathing. “’Where would she be if I had?’” I mock her in an exaggerated girly voice. “Oh, you think you’re so great.” I saw harshly, savagely, jabbing my finger in her shoulder. “You think you did my mother a favor? You just prolonged her suffering, worst case scenario. Best case, her lifespan had nothing to do with you. Which would you prefer? That you made her life worse, or that you didn’t impact her in the slightest.” I stare her down, just waiting for her to break.

I don’t know why I do the things I do, or say the things I say. I know they are wrong, I know they hurt people, but that doesn’t stop me, does it? Why am I doing this? Am I punishing her? Maybe. Possibly. No, no. That isn’t right. If I wanted to punish her, I’d be getting close to her right now only to tear her heart out later. So. What am I doing? Punishing myself? Probably. “When are you going to get it? What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone? Please, tell me.”