Keep Your }{Eyes}{ //Closed\\ {Damen}

I climbed out of his bed carefully. He was still fast asleep and I really didn't want to wake him. Mark was probably exhausted from last night and he would need all the sleep he could get to recover. I picked up my button up shirt off the ground, throwing it over my body and making my way downstairs. I didn't bother buttoning it up, I didn't care if his parents saw me. Although, apparently they were at work so I'd be all good. I was wearing a bra and underwear though. Nothing wrong with that. Except that I had just came from his room. Maybe he'd get in trouble for that and that would be a great excuse for not calling him back. I would need one sooner or later. He was good but I didn't do lasting relationships. I liked when things were one night. It was easier. I wouldn't have to worry about the fights or the endearing terms or anything like that.

I finally reached his living room and then his fridge. I pulled it open carefully, peering in at the things he had. It was fairly empty. Looks like I'd have to find something to drink elsewhere. I could just go home if I wanted to as well. There was no point me staying here now. I had finished with him and he'd be out for a bit longer. With nothing to drink, I'd just sit around bored. I made my way back up the stairs, buttoning up my shirt but leaving the top button undone. I was told it looked sexy, so that was always a good thing. Making my way to the other side of the bed by climbing over him, I picked up my pants, slipping them on quickly. Leaning down towards his face, I planted a light kiss on his forehead and then left the room and then house. It'd be the last time I saw it if I had my way.

The weather was fairly warm and pants were really not the best idea. However, it was for the party last night and the way it was clinging to my skin was definitely a good thing. I wanted somebody to spend the night with and I'd need to look attractive to do that. Even if my skirts and shorts looked sexy too, I felt like the pants would be perfect. Not to mention it would make people glance at me on the street and then they could notice how I looked. It was abnormal to find somebody wearing pants. But I've been told before that I'm abnormal. And a bitch. And a whore. I'm used to those kinds of things so why would it bother me now? It didn't. And maybe somebody would think I was hot and want to talk to me. Then I'd have tonight covered. If anything, I could meet up with anybody and screw around with them.

I missed Cy. He was the only one that I had never spent a night with. The only one that I had never been with out of the guys I knew. I had slept with basically everybody else that I knew except for him. And I preferred it that way. If I ever did do that with Cy, I'm sure the feelings I felt for him would go away. He'd be just another boy that I spent the night with. I wanted to take things slow with him, even if he probably didn't feel the same way for me. I doubted he did. I mean, nobody ever really liked me. They just liked my boobs or how I looked or how well I could perform for them. But Cy actually treated me nicely and like a friend. He actually wanted to be my friend and not just another one night stand. That's what I liked to believe at least. It seemed like it was that way. I hoped it was that way.

Normally, I never talk about 'feelings'. The only feelings I have ever thought about were the ones that could be provided during a close night. I didn't really care about any of the others. I had already accepted that I'd never love cause nobody would ever love me. I was just the girl that would be used for pleasure and never cared for. I tried to accept it but it was too hard to just forget. I mean, I wanted the attention. And I'd be forgotten when everybody got married and started living a happy life. I'd just become the girl who stood at the corner of a street and hoped for some hopeless guy to walk by so I could try and sink my claws into him and get a night of him. That was one of my only insecurities. I wanted to be cared for I guess. Maybe denying it wasn't good.

I was almost to my house when I heard the shout from a girl. And then the girl is handing me a baby and asking me to watch him. She sets off after somebody who was clutching a bag to his chest. I held the baby close as she had left up until when she was hard to spot in the crowd. I looked down at the baby who was smiling up at me. His eyes were looking into mine with a confused expression that only made me smile. "Why hello there. Mommy will just be a second. My name is Lexi." I smile as well, showing off my white teeth to the little boy. He surprisingly didn't cry at all as I held him in my arms. And for a moment, I actually liked holding the little baby in my arms. But then the girl is back and thanking me for holding her boy. "Yeah, I think they should. Lazy buggers." I laugh quietly, handing the baby back to the girl.

"You alright now? Some guys." I shake my head slowly, thinking of the idiot who had taken her bag. Why would he even try to take that in broad daylight. He must have been a complete moron. "I'm Lexi. Lexi Fallon." I say as I put my hand out in front of me to shake hers. I liked this girl. And maybe I'd actually be able to make a friend for once. Or maybe I'd be able to cross off another night. Either was good with me.

49526B - 9D4747 - DBDCE1

I guess I don't ever think about it. The fact that letting people just use my like a toy isn't good for me. It's not good for my health. With the various diseases and the constant threat of pregnancy, it is the furthest thing from healthy and safe. Maybe it's fun to just forget about the world, to relax and to just enjoy myself. But other than that, it's only really negative. All of it. But there's no point hating it because no matter what, I'm stuck doing it. Whether I like it or not. If I had a choice in the matter, I wouldn't be doing it. Actually, that might be a lie. Maybe I would because it is fun. It is a life that is filled with pleasure. But do I want to be like the girl in front of me? This Dignity girl. How ironic. I found Dignity. Or she found me. Either way, this is the first time in my life that I've been around dignity. I got rid of any dignity I could hope to have long ago.

When I lost my virginity. That's when I tossed it all out the door. I tossed everything out the door. Even the guy afterwards. He didn't even matter to me after it all. It was horrible. And it was painful. But it was how I began all of this. Without that day, I might not be the way I am nowadays. Instead, who would I be? An empty carcass of a person? Actually, that's probably too deep for me. I'd just be another regular person who lives in District Seven. People wouldn't know me. I'd be boring and simple. Not like sex makes me dynamic. It just makes me popular. And known by the world. Well, just District Seven. The world doesn't care about me. Unless I became a whore for the whole world. Which would be even worse. Much worse than just being a whore for District Seven. There would be so many guys and girls.

I shake my head to clear the thoughts away, focusing on the girl and her baby. "Trouble? Not at all. He's so cute." I smile and wave to the little boy, watching as he began to play with her hair. But then what she said next was surprising. A shock, almost. It took me completely by surprise. Only once in my life, I was told that I wasn't wanted. Only once before, somebody said they didn't want to talk to me and they didn't want to see me. It nearly broke my heart. Well, maybe there was one other time. But he didn't say it out loud. He just implied that he didn't want to spend the night. Which was fine because I don't want it to be like that between us. I think I actually like him, so why would I just use him for pleasure and let him use me to have a good time too.

But this girl. I barely knew her. Still, I needed a friend. A female friend. A female friend who could warn me of the dangers that you may face from sex. Maybe I needed that kind of person to fix me and to help me become a better person. Right now, I wasn't a good person. At all. The worst of the worst. I'd have sex for money, for items, for food, for happiness. Just to feel like somebody cares. But does anybody care? Probably not. Maybe that's what I need. It's not using somebody. She's getting a benefit out of it too. I throw my hand forward in hopes of grabbing hold of her arm to keep her back. "Wait. I do care. You seem like a great person and I'm kind of in need of friends right now and I like talking to you so far. Like..." I close my mouth and bring my hand back, looking down.

"I'm not good with any of this either. I'm only good with what comes after cause I don't actually focus on this part very much. But please, don't go yet."