Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you {JakMocha}

How can I decide whats right when you're clouding up my mind, I'm can't win your losing fight all the time.

My future husband stares at me- before he mutters "Hello"

My mother then comments on how cute we look together- or something like that- to which I roll my eyes. I believe that I seem anything far from cute, and I certainly think that as a couple, that we are far from cute together. We'd only just exchanged greetings and I was pretty certain that my mother was imaging what our children would look like- and the way Mrs Hunnisett was eyeing me up; I was pretty sure she was invisioning the wedding dress as the men spoke. All of a sudden they'd left, leaving me, my future husband and his sister- alone in the hall. There must of been something I missed at the start of our fathers conversations. Maybe I was supposed to show my fiancee around; Yes, that must be it . I smiled a little and stepped off the bottom few steps and walks to the man.

"Come with me, I'll show you around"

I smiled at Dr. Hunnisett Jr before smiling at his little sister who- in return- just stared at me. The drugs must've been working because I would have punched her in the face by now. Still smiling quite happily to fool my future husband into thinking I was a good little girl, I turned and walked down the hall way. My shoes clicked against the marble floor and I couldn't help but notice how loud it was. Usually, it was not this loud but I guess without the voices with all their chatter- walking was quite loud. I still missed them- their company. But I guess, now that I had a future husband, lonliness wouldn't be a problem. Still, the Schizophrenia would never go away. Which could be a problem- especially if Hunnisett Jr. didn't know about it until after the wedding. Which was very likely since- well my parents were horrible manipulative people and could never miss out on the first oppitunity to get rid of me.

The first room I walk into is the library. The walls are emmensley tall, around 10m high and are surrounded with books of all sorts. A movable ladder sat leaning agaisnt one of the many oak bookshelves. 1000's of old worn leather spines read thousands of classic names and even more rareities.Two arm chairs sat by the already lit fireplace- which filled the room with an orange hue. Smiling I walked over to the small wooden table that sat right by the armchair and picked up one of the books that sat there. Velvitine Rabbit I smiled. I looked up at my fiancee- tucking my hair behind my ear.

"This is the library..its my favourtie room..." I said quietly looking up at him, i looked at his siter notcing she looked paler "Is your sister Oka-"

but before I could finish my sentance- I realized something. His sister wasn't getting paler- he didn't have a sister at all. Well he may have done, but she was dead now. That was the problem with the pills- they didn't always work 100%. Sometimes I'd still hear the voices but see no dead or, like today, I'd lose the voices and I'd see the dead. And the dead always effected me more than the voices. I hated to see the dead. It scared me, it made me feel weak. I had to control myself but without the voices- tears had already begun to roll down my cheeks while his sisters ghost kept staring at me, her eyes booring into my skull. I put my hands to my head and covered my ears pulling at the long blonde locks that fell across them. She kept staring so I scrunched my eyes up as tight as I could. I wanted her gone- I wanted him gone. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want the dead person to be standing there staring at me. The next thing I know is that I let out a quiet sob and my knees hit the floor and I just sit there clutching my head; wanting the spirit to go.

Never gonna own whats mine when you're always taking sides but you won't take away my prides- No not this time.

How can I decide whats right when you're clouding up my mind, I'm can't win your losing fight all the time.

Fantastic I though to myself. Here I was, on the floor crying like a baby about someone who was dead- in front of the man I was being forced to marry. He probably thought me a freak- like everyone else had through out my life. I met new people and I lost my sanity within 20 minutes of meeting them- I belive it had barely been 5 this time round so it was a new record. I daren't look at him- I could tell he was angry about it. I could tell he hated me already, I could tell that it wasn't going to be a good day. It was nature that people hated me for what I was. It had been that day since I had walked into the playground and said hello to the other children in the sandbox- of whom didn't want to share their toys with poor crazy Astrid. It was hurtful- being kept at distance to others because I was viewed as an animal behind bars.

To my surprise I heard Hunnisett Jr. come over to me before I felt him pat my back. Slowly I opened my eyes to see him reading Velvitine Rabbit to me. I didn't move and I just listened to his soothing voice. This, this moment hurt me more than anything I've mentioned before. I had never had this type of contact with anyone really before. No, I had never had this type of contact with anyone before. It was very comfurting- when he patted my back and read the book to me. He turned the page and there was the little rabbit- the pretty little rabbit. It nearly made me smile but I was still sad. Despite his actions- I felt bad for him. I felt so guilty that he had to marry me. That he was stuck with me forever now. And there was no getting out of it. I sighed as he contuned the story- and I diverted my eyes to the ground.

"It's all okay.. it's all okay. Everything will be better" He spoke slolwly and comfortingly.
I shook my head in response and said in a broken voice"Not- it is not. You are stuck with a freak...someone who sees the dead and hears the voices...you probably hate me...you should not be condemed to someone like me......I am sorry..."

I wanted to push him away- tell him he was not wanted but that was terribly rude. And I liked the closeness. It felt nice. I had no romantic feelings for him- I just liked being touched by another person. Though I knew it wouldn't last very long. He probably did hate me and he would leave the house and I'd be sent to my room for the rest of my life. Forever alone.

Never gonna own whats mine when you're always taking sides but you won't take away my prides- No not this time.

How can I decide whats right when you're clouding up my mind, I'm can't win your losing fight all the time.

"Hey, no need to be so hard on yourself. I definitely don't hate you, and I don't think you are a freak. I know it's really hard for you, being schizophrenic and all, but since I am training to become a doctor, I can help you with those sort of things. Take away all the dead people you see."

I stared at him. The words that he had just spoke seemed un real- not true; but they were. I think. Never in my life had anyone been so kind to me, not being called a freak was a first. And the fact that he was trying to understand me- well that nearly broke my heart in two. No one had ever tried to understand me- in fear that it would make them insane as well. He was offering me help. Help. Something my parents failed to do on a daily basis. What society failed to do on a daily basis; except for this man. He, was offering to get rid of the dead people. The dead people who had haunted my life since I was a little girl. The dead people who I watched pass the living everyday. The dead people I wished would stop following me everywhere, stop appearing in random rooms, stop appearing in the corner of my mirror. The dead people I wished were gone. I thought he was finished and I was about to compliment on how nice he was but before I could he continued his sentance.

"Like my s-sister."

I guessed now that maybe his sister was sort of a taboo subject with him; like certain things were with me. I could tell he obviousl either had a strong relationship with his sister or, like me- his parents were total idiots and didn't care about him at all. This was probably true. I had never been a sister- my parnets saw it too dangerous giving birth to another Shaw. They too could have ended up like me. A weirdo Schizo. That or I could have killed the infant since I was a crazy phsyco maniac- according to my mother and several staff members. So- obviously I didn't know how it felt to lose a love one. I knew how it felt to kill someone very satisfying sometimes let me tell you but that was different. I don't think I would mourn the death of my parents if they died. Not even if my future father in law killed them both to get to our money. It was something that I don't think would bother me too much.

I looked at Dr. Hunnisett jr. as he pulled out a sheet of paper and began to draw Velvetine rabbit. My brow furrowed as he glided the pen over thes sheet creating the image line by line. It was facinating to watch. I myself had never been a very good drawer- however sometimes the voices inspired me to draw things ,that my parents and all of our servants found rather disterbing, on the walls of my bedroom. In the past eight months I think my room had been repainted altleast 16 times. Redicoulus I know but it wasn't my fault. It was the voices. Slowly the man finished his drawing of the Rabbit. My sadness had gone mainly so I found that I could smile at the image.

Slowly I opened my mouth and spoke in a slow soft tone"Thank you...no one ever has been that nice to me. People always call me a freak for whats wrong with me..and no one has really tried to help- well no one has offered to help me before. Only helped because thats what my parents told them to do.....your sister...yes...like her...Im sorry if I upset you when I mentioned her- I didn't mean too honest. I just thought she was your sister alive and well until I saw her in the light....." I paused for a moment "You are a very good drawer..."

Slowly and quite awkwardly I gave him a friendly hug before pulling back quickly smiling slightly. I thought for a moment before remembering something

"oh..I don't know your first name yet...I apologize about that

Never gonna own whats mine when you're always taking sides but you won't take away my prides- No not this time.

How can I decide whats right when you're clouding up my mind, I'm can't win your losing fight all the time.
"Sorry, I should've told you when I walked in. My name is Aiden... Hunnisett. Aiden Hunnisett." Aiden says quickly.

I smile slightly more, looking at Aiden. He is really rather sweet- a nice boy but as I have said and I am sure as the voices would say I have no romantic attraction to him what so ever. However, I wouldn't mind living with him. Not that I had any choice- not now. I still felt guilty about him being stuck with me. He could have any other woman in the world- but his horrid parents had to stick them with the worse person imaginable. They expected us to love each other and to be honest- I could never see that happening. Never. Not in a billion years. I would have to go along with my parents plans, or be risked being sent to District 9 to where my cousin Phoneix lived with her outcasted parents. Actually come to think of it- I wouldn't mind being away from my parents for like- ever. I glance down for a second then look up at Aiden smiling.

"So, do you want to move on with the tour or stay in this room a little while longer?"

I suddenly realized that we must have been sitting in this room for a good half hour or so- something that must be boring for Aiden if it were killing my brain. I smiled and stood beckoning with my hand. I turned and ran from the room, letting out a free cackle of laughter. Sometimes, being without the voices was a good thing but sadly I still missed them. I sprinted down the hall glancing back everynow and then to make sure he was coming. I quickly climbed the corridor and went into my room. I panted exhausted from the run. My feet were beginning to ache- so I promptly removed the shoes I were wearing. The room still smelt of paint- meaning an artistic episode had only recently happened. Maybe a few days ago perhaps. Aiden, Aiden, Aiden

I gasped hearing the voice. The pills must be wearing off. I quickly thought as I despratly looked around for the pills. Where are they? I thought .Where are they Astrid, Where are the pills? Aiden Aiden Aiden!!!
The voices were growing louder and I couldn't find my damn pills. The frustration grew and grew until I found my self throwing a glass at the oppisote wall. I put my hand to my mouth- rushing over to clear up the glass. The voices were so numbing- that I didn't notice the cuts the large shards of glass caused when I picked them up and put them in the bin. Pausing, I looked down at my hads to see them covered in blood and nasty scratches."Oh"

Never gonna own whats mine when you're always taking sides but you won't take away my prides- No not this time.