Ani - D6

Anyandita Mayara Tilee.
I prefer Ani.

Age: Sweet Sixteen
Gender: Female B&R
District: District Six

Appearance:

Ani has always been considered the tallest girl of a short group of friends. She's forever 5''7, having finished growing about two years ago. Unless of course she gets old and shrinks. Or gets her head cut off. (Both are considered real possibilities. Eh, hypochondriacs...) She's not just tall though, she's massive. Like an awkward giant, Ani manages to convey an air of being a small child trapped in a large body. Her formerly shapely body and sometimes-intimidating-in-heels-height don't really mesh with the teen. Her posture has never been incredible considering she spends most of her days hunched over some project or other, but in light of recent circumstances, Ani has lost enough weight to render her body a large, lumpy thing. Never skinny enough to pass as a lithe, willowy beauty but currently too gangly to be labeled a drop-dead "real" woman. She is no longer the envy of those tiny angles Ani was so attached to. Her body is nothing to be proud of, her new face even less so.

It is hollow, concave, that face of hers. Rosy, full cheeks have collapsed in on her face. Cheek bones jut out, eyes look dead and the brown hair around her face is a wispy, clumpy mess. She's literally tearing her it out, slowly taking away from her curtain of long, dark hair. Why, you might ask? Thats a stupid question, but just know that once upon a time Ani was a shapely, bouncing bundle of joy. Her eyes were dark-blue, endless as the seas. The skin of her face was a smoldering shade of olive, broken by the small forms of her dark eyebrows, strawberry-tinted lips and the lines of her up-turned, almost piggish--in an endearing way--nose. That hair was the lightest shade of brown, hazelnut and creamed-coffee. Nobody would have called her a stunner, but in her own right, Ani was the sort of girl you wanted to bring home to your parents. She was eclectic, unique and impossibly normal. Nothing to be frightened for... or of.

Now she is a rotten banana. Don't laugh, don't joke about this statement. Ani's skin is going yellow, lacking the luster it once held. That hazelnut hair is a dark halo of wispy, frizzy chunks. A horrifying sight, her condition grows worse as the days pass by and her family and friends are concerned. Ani no longer notices them, it shows in her dark, unseeing eyes. There is a blank expression plastered to her face, the only flickers of human emotion taking the form of a flicker or flaring from her nostrils. Not exactly the emotion old Ani would have wished to broadcast on her once healthy, bold face. Its a haughty thing that only renders her appearance grotesque and comical. Unhealthy, gangly and haughty with faint traces of something coursing under her surface. This is nothing to be proud of.

Those faint traces have dulled to an unrecognizable point. Ani was never extremely active but her body is weakening. She can’t lift heavy weights and Ani suspects if she gained ten pounds, her thin skin would be flabby opposed to toned and polished. She has a few blemishes, scars, and freckles mostly on her back and upper arms. Ani disguises them beneath the large clothing she has taken to wearing. There is one scar that has yet to truly fade and become one with Ani. Across her collarbone is an ugly, jagged line. Something to notice on a day that Ani wears a v-neck, with the explanation being only a few months old. It isn’t one of those perfectly straight, faded wounds from several years ago. Its a fresh, ugly reminder of the state of Ani’s life, a darker bit of skin that does nothing to improve her looks.

Still, even though the traces are burrowing deep within her where physical beauty doesn’t shine, there is a girl who once was. She could come back, if not for the killer headaches that caused Ani to lose those precious pounds of weight. She is still unique and her dear ones call Ani the pretty one. She will look at them, she will shove her hands into the pockets of her warm, wool sweater--a staple of Ani's standard outfit. When you look at her now, you see a diseased, lovely thing headed down a self-destructive course. The space between her legs, usually clad in thick, warm leggings, is growing larger. A gap that mildly concerns her friends and family, but is not enough for them to notice.

Ani figures people will start caring about the state of her appearance only when the last of her hair falls out. For now she still has a full head of hair, her eyes shine just enough to satisfy the people who surround her, and people blame the weather for her sudden skin-tone change. Typical of people not to notice when a girl is knocking on deaths door. Typical of Ani to be too polite to bring up the tender subject.

In short she is a dark-haired, blue eyed girl just about an inch or two above the norm, with killer curves that have smoothed out as Ani's weight drops from slim, shapely girl to dangerously thin. She is accustomed to wearing itchy clothes made by her mother. About a year ago she took to wearing sweaters and leggings--two item Ani acquired from a dead cousin who was partial to them. They aren't exactly fashionable and they make Ani feel uncomfortable knowing her dead relative once wore the same exact outfits, but paired with a set of boots and they make for a good outfit. Ani's awkward posture and tendency to hide under layered clothes along with her curtain of long, straight hair stems from "recent circumstances," only playing into the gawky, ill image that Ani has adopted.

Personality:

Ani is a secret-keeper. She has misled her loved ones on so many occasions, its getting harder and harder to distinguish fact from fiction. It certainly doesn't help that all of her loved ones seem to think Ani's middle name is Dependable. She not only has to deal with her own twisted lies, but Ani also has to cope with knowing her best friend is dying of cancer and her older sister is pregnant. Her dad has been cheating for three years and every now and then her neighbor tells Ani all of his dirtiest, little secrets. And blackmails her for knowing all of it.

He raped her. She's going blind. Her senses are all becoming unstable because nothing is worth focusing on these days. She has frequent bouts of depression, terrible fits that leave her pressing soft finger tips to the ground, feeling her way from the corner of her dark, dank room to her bed. She doesn't trust herself to walk there anymore, not after Ani fell over a shoe and snapped her wrist. And nobody knows anything. Nothing, her doctors know nothing of Ani's worsening condition. Her parents think her a rebellious, damaged daughter not worthy of as much attention, clothing and god damned food as her younger brother. This leaves her vulnerable and weak in more ways than one. Ani never had much of an imagination, but vibrant images fill her head every time she steps outside, just for a breather. He could come grab her again. He still lived in that house, the one that is less than two hundred steps from her bedroom. She counted them once when her parents dragged her outside to go to town for some event deemed important. The Reaping. Ani had forgotten all about it. Her memory fails her as reality and dream lines blur.

She can't depend on anyone, not even herself. Ani is trapped in this scummy, rat-trap of a life. She's bleeding out, she's crying for attention but so far Ani has been left alone to deal with her issues. Mom, thats what Ani calls Mrs. Carnivala Tilee, likes to call all these things issues. Apparently being stalked and taken advantage of by your older, sick-minded neighbor counts as just issues...

...and mom doesn't even know half of it.

So what is a tragic, former heroine to do under these circumstances? Will she confess to keeping her failing eyesight a secret? Will Ani ever confront the only man who has ever had unholy knowledge or her? Ladies and gentleman, Ani can't keep going down the path she was shoved onto. As she watches everything around her fall to pieces, even now in her dire state she has hope for a future. Life just doesn't work out the way you want it to but it doesn’t mean you can’t keep dreams for the future locked within your heart. Ani lives off of them, she has nothing else.

Besides her serious condition, that depression bit, Ani is remarkably book-smart. Her common sense? Well she doesn’t have much of that. Ani is paranoid and prone to behavior akin to a hypochondriac. Her dry sense of humor is waining away, but she still cracks a smile when somebody tells her a morbid, intellectual joke. Its in her essential nature to enjoy the finer points of being intelligent. She once was proud of herself for being such a smart-pants. Not anymore of course. Now she would trade away her love of learning in exchange for new eyes, but when people ask her a question they don’t expect her to know the answer to, yet she does... well anybody would feel a little smug after that, right?

Ani doesn’t exactly know though. She’s never felt normal and is hesitant to voice her opinions on anything, so afraid of being wrong is she. The idea of a rebellion against the government sounds okay to her, but she would never, ever tell anybody this blasphemous thought. Better to be safe than sorry, goes the old saying. Ani chants it to herself every night. She seldom falls asleep as soon as she goes to bed. Her mind stays up, forcing Ani to bundle her body against the corner of her bed and watch her locked, second-story windows. Sometimes she even puts a chair up to the door, after making sure the room is secure and she is alone. Its a new quirk of hers. Ani also keeps the lights on when she can. A girl with undependable eyes in a dark, lonely room is not exactly safe in the event that her attacker somehow actually makes it into the Tilee girls room.

Even the slightest sound sets Ani off when she is alone. A creaking floorboard will send her into a panic, leave her huddled in a corner sobbing silently. Ani is remarkably good at hiding her emotional turmoil during daylight hours though. Or at least she thinks its her composed appearance that keeps her loved ones from worrying. It could always be that they just don’t care enough about her. She has an abnormal amount of wanting inside of her. Ani wants everything, feels entitled to it. She gets jealous easily and sometimes sarcastic and snappish with her better friends, if they ‘flaunt‘ their wealth/looks/clothes/knowledge. It’s not that she necessarily wishes to have the most styling clothes around town, its more that Ani feels that it would be nice to know if she wanted them, she could have them. Unstable types like Ani require something dependable in their lives, to make it bearable. She has become a creature of ritual in order to add some normalcy to her life. All and all thats just what Ani is. The odd girl out, living a life that no longer suites her taste.

History:

Her dad and mom weren’t planning on getting married or anything. Even after Carnivala ‘Carry’ found out she was pregnant, she figured she could still live with her aging parents until they croaked and left their savings and house to her. Carry was twenty two, a bona fide woman. She thought she could handle the child all on her own. Things of course did not work out that way. Carry fell in love with Matthew Tilee, a far more eager father-to-be than Carry had dared to hope for. He supported her along the way, ended up marrying Carry a few short months after their daughter was born.

Anyandita Mayara Tilee--immediately titled just Ani by her parents, who had not realized that naming their daughter after each of their mothers would be such a long-named affair. Ani’s birth was followed shortly by yet another pregnancy that ended with Madden Riff Tilee’s birth. It was love at first sight for both her mother and father. Ani’s coming into the world had been during a time of extreme love between her parents, who prefered to pay attention to each other instead of throwing their newborn, attention-craving daughter a freaking bone. By the time Madden came around, the two were over their honeymoon phase, ready to start their family. They treated Madden like the older, better child and simply ignored a nearly two year old Ani.

She did nothing to draw attention to herself. She was their good, little girl, never bothering to tell her parents when she was hungry or had to use the restroom. It was expected of her to know what to do on her own, so eventually when the hunger became too much, small Ani learned to make her own lunch. That my friends is where our story begins. At lunch time.

Skip about twelve years of being ignored, treated like your dead sisters kid who got dumped on your doorstep, to a time more interesting. Ignore the details of what passed for a childhood, when Ani was bullied by Madded and discovered with a thrill that she was gifted. Teachers loved her, other kids asked for her help and Madden treated Ani like a whole lot of dirt. It was torture. Those who mattered to Ani did not see her as mattering much to them. Of course she made friends with a group of girls who were all unique and amazing in their own ways, but Ani was the odd one out. She was too tall, smart and not outwardly happy enough for the tastes of her friends. Sure, she was a happy child for Ani was unaccustomed to the bitter taste of dissapointment and depression in her mouth. She assumed all children had lives like her own, never once thought she had a right to be angry with her parents for being so god-awful. Hey, at least they weren’t like the Career Moms and Dads who gave horrendous interviews every year, describing the chances of their child coming home with straight faces and dry eyes.

Finally though, at about fourteen, things got interesting. Ani earned herself some attention when she did extremely well on a Districts Wide test of some sorts. Apparently little girls like herself were thought to be stupid. Thats what people who didn’t know her figured. Even Ani’s parents were proud, shocked by this sudden turn of events and attention, but completely, totally proud. They told her neighbor, the one Ani no longer calls by name. He smiled pleasantly at ‘little’ Ani. She was 5’’5 then, not exactly little anymore. Curves were filling in, her neighbor had no choice but to finally notice Ani, who he had been thinking as just the kid across the street for some time.

Strangely, he took a liking to what he saw. Vulnerable, happy, hopeful and vibrant. Ani was a shy creature with no temper at all. She acted as though being treated like a hand-towel was normal and fine by her. It was charming to the neighbor in a perverse, older guy creeping on too young girl way. That’s what he started to do. Stake out her bedroom window. Watch her walking to school. Ani. Ani was his life, and finally after her fifteenth birthday had come to past, he made it known. She found flowers on her bed, a small, hand-written note with them. A secret admirer. Young, sweet Ani was thrilled. She was fifteen years old and had no idea what the meaning of true love was.

Things played out perfectly well for the neighbor. He sent her items that she accepted, told her what to wear to school on some days and occasionally told her where to go after school. I’ll be there, watching you, m’love. He would choose locations where there were many teenagers, specifically boys, so that clever Ani would not get suspicious. She never doubted the powers of this love of hers. Ani suspected she would be going to a crowded, teenage hang-out zone when she was given a final note. The girl arrived at a small park at 6 in the evening, mistaking an 8 on the note for a 6. She stayed there for an hour, chilled to the bone and feeling so hurt, so lonely. It only fed into her love though. Ani wished to meet her admirer even more, to confront him and ask him why he had missed their meeting time.

She went home with a heavy heart, went up into her room and slept. Ani woke to the sound of her front door opening. Typical of her parents to take Madden out and forget all about their eldest, their only daughter. Ani ignored it all as she so often did. By now the headaches had started to take hold of her mind. She was already losing her eye-sight. Ani didn’t see the dark form slip into her room, did not notice the sound of padding footsteps across the floor. The neighbor confronted Ani. She didn’t believe he was her secret lover, did not think it was possible. He decided on a definite way to prove that his heart was hers. And thats where it ends.

Ani remembers nothing of the rest of that night. She had a headache that just went on and on. A few simple facts were retained. Ani knows what the neighbor did to her, and she knows there’s no definite way to prove it was him. She recalls Madden walking into her room late that night and cursing. He yelled for their parents in a hoarse, panicked voice. Ani dreams of it, the yelling and cursing and screaming of her mother. They all cared for just a moment. She was happy to slip away with that in mind.

Two months passed, two months of absolute normalcy. Ani had politely asked her parents and brother to act like nothing had ever happened. She was fine, they were fine and nothing they did would take back that awful night. She convinced them everything was alright. The headaches she frequently had? A product of nightmares and lack of sleep. Her moody swings? Same. Ani managed to kill two birds with one stone, by hiding her sudden depression and the blindness coming on behind an irritable mood. Everybody soon forgot about that night. Good, ‘ol dependable Ani. She was super! Just fine. People were happy to forget about the whole affair and now that Ani has realized talking would do her some good, her parents don’t want to talk anymore. Madden occasionaly pats her on the back and says everything he needs to using those living, dark blue eyes Ani used to call her own.

She’s recently turned sixteen and nothing has changed except for the worse. Ani assumes she’s going to die, realizes that all of this stress is killing her but still... what if she’s wrong? What if people don’t care? Her nature, her indifferent, hesitant ways have helped to dig Ani her very own grave.

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