Hazel // District 12

Hi and welcome to the forum! You seem to be aware of our site minimum of 2 paragraphs for appearance, 3 for personality, 3 for history, which is great! However, at least the second paragraph in your appearance and each in your personality sections need a little beefing up; I don't really have a lot of corrections to this bio, just a few minor ones and some suggestions on how to stretch out those paragraphs a little better^^


"She has an average height for a 12 year old girl" If you could put a numerical height (and possibly weight) to this, it would make it easier for people to reference to, since 'average' is pretty non-descript. I looked up average height and weight for you, and for a 12-year-old girl, average height is between 5'0" and 5'3". Average weight is between 95lbs and 105lbs, so she'd probably be something a little bit under that, if she's skinny.

"She can outrun all the kids in her grade." It would be better if you made it a little more general than all the kids in her grade; say "just about all the kids in her grade" or "almost all the kids in her grade" or something similar. While plausible, it's better not to make broad, all-encompassing statements of your districtmates, or even of a group of them^^

"She is also strong, both mentally and physically." What makes her physically strong, if she's a skinny twelve-year-old girl from the poorest district who doesn't spend much time outside?

Other things to consider adding if you need to stretch out the paragraphs a bit more after that might include eye shape, nose shape, teeth (does she have any gaps, or are her teeth noticeably large or crooked?), ears, hair style (long or short, bangs, bad split ends, etc)


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"She vowed that she would never befriend anyone, for the purpose of the Hunger Games." What purpose is that? Please elaborate.

"She is harsh when people try to befriend her, which not many people do." Why is she harsh? How is she harsh? Why don't they try? (Did they used to try?)

"she would make fun of them or something like that." What's that something like that? Would she tease their appearance? Does she have a witty comeback to everything? Is she incredibly sarcastic?

"She's a problem solver, which would be good in the Hunger Games." Well, yes, it would be, but it's usually pretty good to avoid directly mentioning how useful it would be in the Games. Instead, try to focus on the applications it has to her daily life; maybe include an anecdote about how being a quick thinker has helped her.

"She cares about herself most of the time." Everyone usually cares about themselves, so what were you going for here? Does she always put herself first? Does she have problems relating to other people and seeing things from their point of view?

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"She grew up to be a victim of bullying." What was she bullied for?



Alright, that's all I've got for you^^ Try to make those paragraphs longer and make some of those corrections and someone will be along to accept her!

Please post a reply on this thread when you've finished, so we know to go back and check again.