but i'd like to think i can cheat it all /SHRIMP
Feb 23, 2012 0:57:27 GMT -5
Post by phunke! on Feb 23, 2012 0:57:27 GMT -5
i put one foot in front of the other one
oh-oh-oh
So there's this girl, Allablu Zockelle. And she's on her knees, she's kneeling, just there in this fallow field crying like her eyes are dirty hands need to be washed clean. Crying! She's crying.
Blu is crying.
You're Blu. Your name is Blu. Well, Allablu, but you think that's the shittiest piece of name you ever did happen upon. God do you hate your parents sometimes. You hate the slush of the muddy field creeping chills into the knees of your pants, you hate the cotton this field would be growing were it not out of rotation, you hate and hate and hate the way of all places your pothead parents picked District Eight to run away to.
You'd hate these things so much more if you weren't crying and sad and exhausted from the sadness. It's times like these when your hate simmers down to a dull pounding in your ears. The tightness in your throat and nose and eyes and chest right now is not from hate, it's from pity and sorrow.
You didn't even like Harry the goldfish last night. But your brother did, and that's what matters. What matters is the look on your brother's face when he saw that belly-up and the way he hid into himself like you used to do before you realized that it would all come out in big explosions.
You stick to little explosions nowadays.
Harry's dead and gone, and that's the story. Well, not the whole story - the whole story is that it broke your heart and then broke it again the way your little brother looked at you with those swirling brown eyes, so much fuller with expression than your flat grey ones, and the way you could see it on his face: see how he was swallowing himself deep down inside. Something broke in you and it was your heart in the knowing that he would get explosions soon too and just the way he was so moved by the life and death of a stupid little goldfish, you're jealous! That's part of it too, yeah. Admit it.
But of course that's only a little bit; most of it is the pity and the grief that he has to go through this because damn it he doesn't deserve that. Life's mediocre enough as-is without goldfishes just up and dying.
You hate crying, you really do. It's disgusting, for one thing, and humiliating too. That's all these farrowing fields are good for (you found this little one on one of your restless nighttime prowls) is isolation. Miles of green and weeds all around - the workers'll pay for the field getting time off in a year or two, they'll have to pull the damn weeds - but anyway - miles of pale tall grass pretending it didn't even notice the winter that's been slow to depart. Snow's still patching in places on the ground; it's flecked on your boots and your elbows from the trek out here but not nearly as bad as the wet mud soaking through your knees right on down to the bone. Right on down. Sometimes these things just cut to the heart of you.
speech: khaki