I Can Only Take So Much [WT/Devyni] (post-a-thon)

Felix "Valentine" Trusdale
Avox ~ February

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Yellow is for the sun and his other color
Blue is for the skies and his action color
Green is for the grass and when somebody else talks/writes color
Pink is for his birthstone and his writing color
Purple is for his birth flower and his thought color

My stomach churned and never stopped, as did my tears. I had been alone outside. Nobody to bother me. That was all I really ever wanted. By now I was shivering, and I had heard rustling coming from Devyni's room. All I could hope for was that I didn't wake up Devyni. That was the last thing I needed or wanted now. Especially in the state I was in, because at that moment everything terrified me and brought those feelings back along with those voices. Everything that I could have ever hoped to avoid came into reality. There had been a few times where I had acted out like this when Devyni was awake, but he was often too busy to notice, and if he did he ignored me fairly well. That's all I could truly wish for at a moment like this. Was a bit of peace and quiet

It was only a few moments into the silence that I realized I was still soaking wet and I was now getting the couch wet. Eventually I would have to get up and move soon as to let the couch dry and prevent the couch from getting any wetter. Hopefully it would be dried up before Sawa and Sonia had woken up. My tears keep coming and coming my unintentional sobs could be heard throughout the hall or so I thought. Eventually everything I knew everything would fade to black and I could rest and forget everything that happened. Denying everything if Devyni had briefly woken up and seen or heard me coming home and crying. That was the main thing that I really didn't want. There was still that large possibility that he could simply mistake as it nothing and go back to sleep, but knowing Devyni, and his never ending want for knowledge, that would be highly unlikely.

I paused, silenced myself as best as I could, and eventually realized that a shadow was coming towards myself. I knew either it was Sonia, Sawa, Krysta or Devyni. More or less it was Devyni or Krysta because the figure was smaller than Sonia's and Sawa's figures. Silently, I was hoping that it wasn't the latter of the four. When the figure came close enough it placed a small casing of chocolates into my hands/. That casing came from the Christmas party that Krysta and Devyni went to. As far as I knew Krysta had ate hers and Devyni, as much as he liked chocolates, he hated the kind within the casing.

I held the container of chocolates within his hands. Now still and no longer shivering. I was just a shell now. A shell willing to let something crawl inside and take over, much like a crab would. I figured out that the person was Devyni. Only by looking at the lower half of his pajama pants. They were some sort of silk and fleece mixture to keep a person warm without making them sweat too much. Being the person I was, I never liked the set that I got from Sonia and Sawa. It felt odd on my body. The texture simply felt weird on my skin, rubbing up against the scars that layered my skin. It felt like something a Capitolite would wear, not an avox slave, yet I never really considered myself a slave. More so a prisoner then anything, yet his own good will and kind demeanor made me more of a prisoner. There were other things that contributed to me being more of a prisoner then a slave, but my unwillingness to breakfree also prevented me from being a prisoner. It made me more of a guest over anything. Then there always was the relationship that brought me closer to Devyni. That created more of a friendship feel more so than being a guest.

Overall, I had no clue what to feel and try to say through the ways I could speak. I didn't even have any paper or a writing utensil to write with, and this person who had came in, gave me a container with chocolates inside, which now had fallen out of my loose grip and fell onto the floor. There was this person who had done all that for me and all they did was sit down next to me. In my time of need and desperation. All that person did was set there for a while watching me in silence. The only reason they could be there was making sure I was alright, and once they found out they would leave.

However, it wasn't until I felt a nudge in my shoulder did I ever move my head even the slightest little movement. There closest to me was a single word written in a dull, plain, blue journal that I had seen before in Devyni's room marked with the single word of Misc. All that word said was “Hey” in that same hand-writing that he had known so well to be Devyni's.

I thought about the possibility of Krysta going into Devyni's room and taking the notebook or their parents, but through the entire time I knew it was Devyni who would be the only person to come to my aid. Despite how much I loved my father; I knew he was a ghost now. A mere figment of my imagination, but Devyni on the other hand. He was real, somebody I could see and somebody who I touch, if I truly wanted to, which I don't. I didn't even have to look up to confirm it was Devyni, I didn't really want to either. All I wanted to was to live there and keep Devyni everyone safe. The only reason why I was happy about living with the Auksas'. But secretly it is so much more then that. I had received a chance to grow and let my parents watch me, from wherever they were, grow and transform into the young adult I am now. For the first time in a while I smiled, and let more tears run down my face. I could have looked up but I didn't, all I did was write in the journal Devyni had provided.

All ideas of suicide and death had gone away. The voices left along with. The feeling of safety had returned only if for a brief moment. I yawned, sneezed, and rubbed his eyes all before I handed back the journal to Devyni. The person who had caused me to feel safe, sound, and alive. The person whom I wanted to protect more then anybody in the house. I had true feelings for Devyni. Feelings of friendship. Feelings that banished away all other feelings and made me feel warm, safe, comforted, and most important of all human. I was in an entirely new world now. A world full of bliss, peace, and sweet ignorance. In that world all I wrote in the note book consisted of one word. No, not a word but a name. Devyni...

After a while I finally looked up into Devyni's eyes, and I put on that smile that could've been fake but also...

...could've been real too.

A smile that softened Devyni's features, and reassured him I was still here. It reassured me that I was still alive too. I often found it odd how something so simple as a smile could make so many people happy, but at that moment I really didn't care. As long as I was safe and sound in the place I considered my temporary home. At that moment, right when I looked up at Devyni I found that his face of worries and fear had disappeared, and everything was just right with the world. That was until I sneezed again.

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(WTH Felix? Bi-polar much? You're not meant to brighten up throughout the course of the post... Well I guess it's acceptable since it's Devyni but still. -sighs-) [/size]