]where were you all this time[ {pika!}
Jan 5, 2012 2:59:12 GMT -5
Post by ∂αмєη on Jan 5, 2012 2:59:12 GMT -5
[61536C] [4B416B] [59567B]Clutching my jacket tightly closed, I started down the street. The pills bounced around in my pocket with each step that I took, turning into a rhythmic beat as I picked up speed. It was freezing cold today and so, I was outfitted in a thick jacket, a warm hat and a knitted scarf. My mother made it for me a long while ago and I never got around to wearing it. Then again, she made it a few sizes too big so I could wear it for a long while. And now here I was, actually wrapping it around the lower part of my face to keep from getting frost bite or something. The cold air was wicked around this time of year and it could often lead to some nasty problems for those who were too old and frail to keep warm as they moved around and went about their businesses. I remember this old man who was brought in to the doctor's house one day while I was visiting for a check up on a cold I had and he was really red and stuff except for his fingers which were blackened from the cold. They had to remove his hand because it was basically dead. He'd never be able to use it anyways, so why keep it around.
No matter what was happening around me, my thoughts stayed with the pills in my pocket. I was prescribed them many years ago and have been using them ever since in order to stop my burst of energy that came so often that it was irregular to be tired. Mum said it was classified as ADHD by our doctor but I just considered it as an excuse for why I was different. Excuses were the one thing I hated more than anything in the world, even the Hunger Games. And yet, I've begun to use them more and more as the years have gone by. It's not my fault entirely. People change around you and therefore, you have to change to fit with them. Sometimes you have to be somebody else in order to be liked. I had to be somebody entirely different so that Audri and I weren't picked on because we weren't normal like everybody else. I wasn't normal because I had ADHD or whatever and Audri wasn't normal because she was far better than that.
Yeah, she was like an angel. I don't mean that as a pick up line either. She probably legitimately was an angel from above, descending down to our level in order to learn our ways or something. That was a running joke I made so I could compliment her without leading her on too much. Maybe it was bad to keep those kinds of feelings bottled up but it definitely wouldn't do me any better to tell her. Then what? What if our relationship was ruined because I couldn't keep one thing to myself and I couldn't stop from falling for the one girl that has always been there for me. Yeah, that wouldn't happen. She would never find out how I felt. I could keep calling her an angel and it would only seem as a joke to her. Even though my heart seemed to skip a thousand beats whenever I saw her and my stomach turned into a liquid whenever she spoke, it would only be a joke for her. It had to be. It would keep us both safer.
The doctor said I could easily hurt somebody if I didn't take my medication. And he was right. One time, I neglected my pills for a week so I could test the theory he said. I didn't believe the old quack. He had been the Seam's doctor for the longest time and the years had probably corrupted his brain or something. But he was right. I hit my brother with a stick because he wouldn't move over on our beaten up couch. I tore his arm open enough to send him to the doctor's. That was the last time I stopped taking the pills. Before now, that was. When a few kids called me a zombie at school, part of me snapped. I had done so well to fit in and to make my way to the top. I couldn't lose that position now because I was half out of it when on the pills. I wouldn't be any better off of them but it was worth the shot, right?
Wrong. Audriana wouldn't like it if I was violent. And that was a side effect of being off them after taking them for so long. So, why was I still not popping the lid off and sending a few down my throat. And sure enough, I cracked. My hand dove into my pocket as I took the bottle out and I threw two pills back in an instant. The doctor said that one was fine but I could really feel the energy surging through me and I just needed a way to calm down and to relax and to not be bouncing off every wall that was around me as if it was made of trampolines or something that was bouncy. It didn't take long for the pills to do their work and soon, I was back to my new self. The dull, quiet self that seemed to walk a lot slower and react differently. I was half out of it. It wasn't my fault.
There was another excuse. I seemed to only make them when on the medication. Which sucked. I was almost always under the influence of the meds because the doctor requested it. So, I was almost always making excuses. Except when it came to Audri. I'd never make an excuse to her. And when she asked if we could meet up, I agreed without thinking twice, throwing my warm clothing on and heading out the door. And that's what I was doing now. I was heading towards her home that wasn't too far from mine. We would spend the day together, surely. I would pretend to not be out of it in order to ensure that she was happy. Maybe I wouldn't be that great of an actor and she'd find out. Or maybe all would go well and the day would be great, as our days usually were. I approached her home slowly and brought my fingers to my lips. It was instinct now to let out the four note tune that we had made when we were young. My whistles echoed as the wind flew by so surely, Audri would hear me and come down.