Counting Snowflakes [.[Tom].] blitz
Feb 24, 2012 3:24:30 GMT -5
Post by florentine, d4b ❁ on Feb 24, 2012 3:24:30 GMT -5
CORALIA
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I watch in wonder as snowflake after snowflake cascades to the ground, taking with it my last shreds of happiness. When the snow began to fall, I was feeling slightly better - not elated, to be exact, but not at all as dreadful as I am feeling now. The snowflakes. They say that every single one is different. A different pattern printed on it's frosty fingers, carved into it's soul. Every single one unique and perfect and special, every frosty whisper of ice it's own, falling to the ground in a flutter of it's personal accord. I wish I could be like a snowflake. They are not so free as one might think, for their paths are chosen by the wind and the seasons, laid out for them from the very moment they are formed. But at least they are formed differently - each owning their own blueprint which tells them who they are. Who only they are. Not like me. I was born a copy - I came into the world with the exact same honey-blonde curls and huge blue eyes. Every detail of me had already been. I could look at Marina and see myself. That in itself was enough to make me want to flee District One and find a place where it was only the mirror who could look at me so closely I shudder, see right into my heart. Here nobody has to know me.
All I have to do is keep myself alive. I have friends here, though. Here in Neverland. The perfect place, where I never have to grow up. No reapings. No games. No jobs and no district industries and no twin to hold me back and tell me who I have to be. No reflection showing a version of myself who is a million times better than the one inside of my heart. Who could stay with that pain every single day? Knowing you're not even good enough to be yourself?
Not me, that's for sure. I ran away to Neverland, and never will I go back. The snowflakes are settling now, staying right where they fall on the ground like a dusting of flour on the grass. I gaze into the frozen pond before me, looking at myself in the glassy ice. Same old me. Always there, constant, frowning, fierce. Somewhat well kept for a girl living in the forests with nothing but the wilds to keep her alive. I cannot swim now, the ice is too thick and the water too deathly cold.
A mermaid trapped above water by a mirror of ice. How beautifully ironic. How painfully like my life.
I sigh deeply, inhaling fluttering snowflakes as I do so. Maybe I will never be happy.