Behold the Pleasant Spring [Night]

I feel like a bird, or even a flower maybe. It's wonderful. I'm running, running, running as fast as I can. The place where the flowers grow. Only a few have begun to grow yet, since it's only April, but thye are there. They are here, or here! It's flowers! Beautiful flowers! They are pretty. Those April Pansies, the Violets, the... the... the everything! Oh happy day! Happy day! I twirl and run, even twirl a bit while running. It's warm! It's actually warm again! Oh I've missed it being so warm, and I know it will only get warmer. My month... the month of April. I'm welcoming spring, just as my month welcomes the season. "Hello spring! Hello!" I say, waving at the sky, the flowers, the bird in the air. This is magnificent! Splendid! Absolutely remarkable!

"I love you dear spring!" I say. Maybe I'm a bit over-reacting, but I'm so excited. Soon May will come, and there will be pretty flowers everywhere! Maye might be excited as well, because her birthday is in May. "Oh happy, happy day!" I say again, and lay down in the grass. One thing that never seems to leave, is the grass. I lay there, staring at the blue sky. It's not clouded, or snowing, or even raining yet. Sure it rains a lot in April, but I think that's just like me. I'm always watering flowers. I always feel that impulse to add some water to them. I have to know they are nice and watered before I can leave, because it's just so tempting to make sure they don't die. I hate seeing dead flowers. Once, I threw up at the sight of a dead flower. It felt like I saw a dead person, but it's not like I haven't seen one of those before. In real life, not just on a screen.

An early butterfly wanders into my vision and I smile. "Hello little butterfly, where are you off to?" I ask. He keeps slying, but I make no attempt to chase him. I wouldn't like to get chased by a random person. Although wouldn't it be just wonderful, to be able to fly around like a butterfly? Or slither around in the grass like an earthworm? Oh that'd be devine. Absolutely positively. I wish I was a flower. Then I could bathe in the rain. I love rain, I just do, isn't it magificent? Not to mention, it's soothing, and even calms me down quite a lot. I'm usually calm though, so I guess that isn't such big news, is it? Maybe it isn't, but that doesn't change how it makes me feel. Water is wonderful. Blessed rain is splendid. I don't know how I can ever handle a drought, for any length of time. Terrifying I tell you, terrifying. Maybe I should have been born in District Four.

"Behold the pleasant spring!" I say with a little giggle. Of course, not everyone gets as worked up over spring as I do. I stand for a bit, wondering what I should do. Of course hed love spring! Nearly everyone loved spring! I take a step towards him but the butterfly seems to suddenly come back andflutter his wings in my face. I laugh a bit and back up. I'd never touch him. If I did, it could ruin his wings and he'd not be able to fly. If he couldn't fly.... he'd lose the specialness! He'd die of hunger! I could not ever do that to a poor, innocent little butterfly. I wouldn't want to die of hunger! It would hurt, just like it hurts when I feel hungry. Feeling hungry sucks, but I guess everyone feels hungy at times. Goodness, even a peacekeeper must get hungry, no matter how terrible they are! Maybe president Snow too... and Caesar Flickerman.. and... and.. the mayor! They all must get hungry, because thye are all living, breathing human beings! For the most part, anyways. I've heard people call them inhuman.

I stand up and look around me. Spring is here at last. I pick a flower and nonchalantly begin to walk away. I shouldn't spend all day like that. It's a nice morning, and hey, maybe I can get a job. I pass Ms. Sherer's flower store and she nods a hello as I walk by. It's obvious she doesn't need help, because she knows I get a bit shy, and always gets me when I walk by if she needs any help. I was kind of hoping to spend some times around the flowers, but things are how they are. Can't change such things, now can we? I mentally shrug my shoulders and look around me for anyone who may need help. I wish there were more job opportunities at times like this. We'd be needing some food tonight, and I'm famished. I've just got to eat something. And to do that, we'll need money.

Job searching is never fun. Getting turned down is even worse, especially when you get chased off, and accused of harassment. Really, I don't think asking to help is harassment. Nonetheless, I've still got a bruise from that broom. Sitting on the bench, I stare at the store window across the street. Why is it hard to do such things? Shouldn't it be easy? I just wna to help, I don't want to hurt any one. I don't want to be rude, or mean, or creepy! I try! I do try! I try to be a good person! Maybe the reason no one wnted me to help them was because I was mean or rude or something. I didn't mean to. Huddling my knees up to my chest, the pleasant feeling the flowers and spring had brought me drains. Maybe I'm a horrible person or something. I put my head between my knees and curl my body up as small as I can get, which isn't hard consdering I'm a small person.

A few tears well up in my eyes, and I feel like crying. Am I a bad person? I don't want to be one! I want to be a good person! I'm trying! I truly am! I'm trying very, very hard not to be mean or rude or creepy! I sob and, somehow (even though I don't think it possible), I curl tighter. I'm very upset now. I don't want to be bad! I want to be good! Very good! I don't get too angry anymore, only a little... but I do get angry. Not too much though! Not too much! Only a little. Another sob wobbles thourhg me and I feel like bursting. I repeat how I wnt to be good voer and over again in my head, attempting to convince myself, but it's just too much. If I was good, why would people not want me to help them? Can you answer that? No? I thought so. I keep sobbing, and just can't stop.