In the Shadows /// {Bryya}

Agricultural History, 201. One of the most tortorous classes of my already spiteful day. The door in front of me slightly resembled the gates of Hell and when I peaked in the classroom at Mr. Sperane I spun on my heel and headed in the opposite direction. Uh uh. Not today. Mr. Sperane wouldn't notice and even if he did, he wouldn't care. Almost daily, people would constantly go missing from school only to return the next day and endure the horror they thought they had escaped. That is okay though, I can deal with putting it off for one more day.

Slamming my way through the hallways, one of my older friends grabbed at my arm. "Ira, where you goin'? Agricultural History 's this way," she looked at me, extremely confused. Shaking my arm out from under her grasp, I stared at her. "I know," I muttered and continued in the opposite direction. An exasperated sigh echoed down the almost empty hallway after me. No, Sassy, I will not go to that class just for you, a groan rolled within my chest. Did I say she was my friend? Make that "annoying aquaintance," if even. Finally, the large door leading to the courtyard was in front of me.

Outdoor air was refreshing and very much welcomed by my lungs compared to the moldy tang of indoors. A soft sigh escaped my mouth and I leaned back against the door. This is the perfect place, I thought. No one comes out to the courtyard during class unless they are skipping. Oh, I jumped a little and scanned the courtyard carefully, finding I was not the only one there. It was a girl who I reconized as Noreen Lyvers, she was in my class, I think. Honestly, I wasn't sure. Someone had once said she was held back, so no one truly knew what her class was. She appeared like she was crying, but I couldn't be sure from here.

I watched her, though, and felt pity pull at my chest. What would lead someone to cry in such a public place? Her eyes flickered towards me and I made to look away, but I didn't. When she smiled at me, I tried to get my mouth to tilt upward, but it just wouldn't come. The scene unfolding in front of me made me undeniably sad. It's hard to imagine the pain that could cause someone to show such weakness. Continuing to watch her, I started to take a few steps towards her.

"Hi, you skivving out on class too?" Skivving? Skipping? I almost laughed, but contained myself. Instead, I scrunched my forehead together and said, "More or less...." Working my way over to where she stood, I plopped myself down and some dust flew up around me. I looked concerned at Noreen and finally decided to ask, it would have probably been rude not to. "Are you okay?" Of course she isn't okay. I should've asked what was wrong. Then again, maybe that was none of my business. I certainly would be be sharing something this personal with someone I had never met. Quickly, I started backtracking, "I mean, if you don't want to tell me. Really, it's none of my business..." My voice trailed off. I should move, leave, but I didn't.

"Brandon, you know him the short stocky guy in our grade. Dark curly hair, yeah he's just...being himself," Noreen said to me with a moderately authentic roll of her eyes. Yes, I was accustomed to hearing the name spit with disgust from the mouths of those he targeted. However, I didn't truly comprehend what "being himself" was. In truth, I'd never been a fancied target of harassment. Anonymity was a tactical skill I'd almost perfected over the years, being able to slip from place to place without a glance from others. Unfortunately, that was not the case with many, like this girl. Expecting her belief in that he never bothered with me was foolish, so I let sympathy roll with my sigh and slight shake of the head.

"I'm Noreen by the way, I'm pretty sure we have math together." Slanting my head to the side, I watched her with a quizzical look plastered on my face. Observation was by far not my most accomplished skill. "Oh, really? I never really notice anyone..." I said with a slightly forced smile. Closely viewing Noreen, my original suspicions were confirmed. Teary streaks gently traced their paths from her eyes, down past her chin. Stray tears still lingered at the edges of her eyes and were halted in their place. My forehead creased with concern and I pondered what the girl had said. Yes, perhaps a bully had frustrated her. But to the point of tears?

"Too bad there's not a better place to hide, I'd stay there all day. I really think school gets more useless the older we are. It'd be so nice to just go somewhere to relax," she said, clearly trying to bring a light air about us and wash away the prying in my eyes. Motions from the spot she'd moved her hand to called my attention away from her and brought them to a rock on the ground. Perhaps her nerves caused her to fiddle with the small rock. Considering her current state, adding pressure was the last thing I desired. In the most calming voice I could muster up, I began wandering aloud. Even though it may have started out rough, it turned genuine, images unwittingly intruded my mind. "I'd go home. To the barn or the fields, spend time with the horses," I said, but continued in my mind, what I dare not say aloud. With them you can always learn something new. Not something that has been set in stone, never to be altered or changed to benefit us at all...

"So what bring you out here? Trying to avoid someone as well?" Words popped out of my mouth with a laugh before I could stop them, "You mean besides Life?" Quickly, I covered my mouth and amended my words quickly, "Uh, well. Agricultural History. 'Nuff said," A smile played at the corner of my mouth, still laughing from my earlier comment. Every student had to take Agricultural History their first or second year. I had chosen the later, putting off my misery for as long as legally possible. "I'm really sorry, but I can't for the life of me remember your name," Noreen barely said to me. How stupid of me! I wasn't surprised she didn't know my name. As a matter-of-fact, it almost brought some pride back to my anonymous practices. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Irafine. Irafine Delyn. Not many people know me, it's alright. Those that do know me think I'm a crazy-horse-girl, so I suppose it's better you didn't," I ended with a chuckle.

"So... you live on a farm too, right? It's hard to imagine anyone around here who doesn't," I asked. Truly, I hated asking questions. They were never the right ones or they were too prying. Answering questions though, I am much more comfortable with. Ask me anything you want, you'll get an answer no matter what tone it comes out in. Want me to ask a question? My mind answers with one big blank. My fingers reached for a hay bale that served as a pointy stool, no one ever used it. Trying to pass the time, I tied the stiff pieces into knots. Big knots, small knots, lopsided knots. They never stayed though, and I shoved the bundle down on the ground with a puff.

Desire to leave stirred my brain. It was almost the end of the day and they weren't watching to make sure kids stayed in school anymore; the important brainwashing classes are at the beginning of the day. Standing up and dusting off my pants, I looked towards Noreen. No, I couldn't leave her there. Perhaps she would like to come with me. We didn't have to go home, just away from here... "How do you feel about getting out of here?" I asked and in a lower voice added, "They won't be watching the gates anymore, all gone after lunch."

Entering the school building again was the last thing I had wanted to do, but Noreen insisted on leaving a note for Jack. He would most likely appreciate it and I didn't care to question it, so I followed her through the hallways in silence for a while. Having a boyfriend had never been on my priority list, not even remotely close. Horses brought me more comfort than any human ever could. Even then, my desire to bear children was smothered before it could even take its first breath by the punishing hands of the Capitol. Imagining my own child's slim chance of being reaped, followed by his or her substantial chance of being destroyed, was unbearable. I, myself, was not even above being reaped yet. Before I could even contemplate the future, I had to rely on my ever-dwindling luck that I would make it to 19.

Finally reaching our destination, Noreen placed the note wherever she deemed appropriate and we began to retrace out steps. The silence was almost tangible between us. This was the norm for me, but since the moments ago I had met her, we hadn't had such a problem. Relief gratefully swam through my chest as Noreen spoke up. "So you have your own horse? I did for a while, but my father got rid of him...but Jack and I are looking to buy one from our ranch. He's still not fully broken, but we're working on it. I've never met a horse with such a strong will...I think it makes me love him even more. He's something else really, beautiful...maybe one day you can come out to check him out."

"Well, I could technically argue that all of the horses on my families farm are mine. My dad used to take care of them back when I was younger but now the majority of the work has been handed off to myself. There is a bay stud that has bonded with me rather well though, I'd say he was mine. Spirited horses are great; I train all of the foals we keep on the farm, you see. I'd be happy to come check him out sometime," ]a slight smiled rolled across my face. I'd become so accustomed to my own horses, I missed the bonding moments when meeting a new animal...

Slinking out the side door, I pondered where to go now. My farm was always an option, but I wasn't sure if Noreen would appreciate that. Where else could we go, though? Wandering the streets aimlessly could call attention, especially the unwarranted attention of a Peacekeeper. "Any particular place you want to go? We could go to my farm, or yours, or something. I really don't know. Just... Wanted out of that school,"] I pieced together the sentence as I went. Pauses and breaks making me seem even more uncertain. The desire for farmland was rooted within me. It put me more at ease, almost as much as being atop horses.

Smiling politely at Noreen, I said, "Oh, I would love to come see the horses." It sounds weird, really, it does. I have spent nearly my entire life around horses, minus the school days, and I still want to be around more. We had quickly made our way out of the school and started down a long, dusty road. Noreen spoke in jumbled messes of words, all packed together with no full meaning. It was easy to tell she was getting worked up, beating around the bush. Adjusting her shirt, she pulled my attention towards her stomach. At first, I was confused. What is she talking about? Teasing her about what? Her head turned away from me and looked like she was physically bracing herself.

Not having a social life seemed to screw me over in this situation. If she thought I would tease her about something, I obviously had to know what it was, right? But no, I didn't. Perhaps it's better this way. First impressions should be made by people, not pitiful gossipers who only desire to ruin others reputations. Noreen had indeed made a good first impression on me, but she obviously thought this would change things. This secret, or not-so-secret, of hers, was something she was ashamed of. Oh, I was wrong. Weeks ago murmurs had rolled up and down the hallways, increasing with speed and ignorance. Fleeting words came back to me, starting with things like Did you hear about Noreen and Jack?, ending with things like I heard she got knocked up.

For the first time, I actually considered the truth in these words. Heat flowed to my cheeks and an awkward feeling cast itself down upon me. Biting my lip, I soaked in the silence between us. "Oh..." I said, sort of like I had forgotten, but always knew. How do you even respond to something like this? It didn't change her as a person, not to me, but what could I say? No problem, I completely forgot everyone say you were preggers. Nope. Instead, I let the silence bubble around us as we walked towards the farm where she worked. When she peeked at me, I forced a smile that hopefully said: It's okay, but I have no idea what to tell you. Yet, silence kept eating away at the little bubble around us.

Finally, I spoke up. Even though they were jumbled, confusing, useless words... I spoke. "I just, don't know what to tell you. I've heard people talk about it but never really thought it was true... Or cared to listen to what they said... But it doesn't change you as a person." Just finishing when a big sign was placed in front of us, indicating we'd finally reached out destination.