Hey, Have You Ever Believed? {Geebs}
Sept 25, 2011 13:50:50 GMT -5
Post by Morgana on Sept 25, 2011 13:50:50 GMT -5
Savannah Kemping
Even after two years, I'm still not used to waking up alone. Not used to walking through an empty house, to eating my meals alone. Two years, but alone is still unfamiliar to me. I never had many friends, but it didn't matter to me. Redge was enough. I didn't talk to people much. I wasn't shy, I just didn't think I needed other people. After Redge left, I stopped talking altogether. All these months I've communicated with a notepad and a pen. But now the paper has run out, and so has the money. It's been weeks since I've had work. Usually there's enough odd jobs around town to support me, but I haven't found anything in a while. This lie I've been living is going to end soon, whether I want it to or not.
I need food. My breakfast was the butt ends of a loaf of bread, the last food in the house aside from a jar of horseradish that must be at least four years old. Redge never touched the thing, not even to throw it out. I've been meaning to do it myself, but every time I try, I start thinking about Redge. Two years. There's no hope he's alive anymore. But still I'm forced to live on, without him. It's just not fair. After our parents died, Redge was all that kept me together. How I've lived this long without him, I don't know. The pain rips at me every morning when my feet touch the floor.
I don't know how I'm going to get food today. Maybe there'll be some jobs at the market. Maybe I'll have to steal. Redge would be so disappointed in me, but he'd understand. Wouldn't he? I rest my head on the table, knowing there has to be some way out of this constant poverty, this constant pain. But in my heart I know there's no immediate solution. The only option is to just keep moving forward, and take it day by day.
After a ten minute search for some scrap of paper to save me from speaking, I head out the door. I don't even know if I can talk anymore. I guess today I'll find out. The streets aren't very crowded today. Just a few people, here and there. I amble towards the market, my footsteps steady. Just one day at a time.