Ashes, Ashes - We All Fall {Down} [Wonder]

Blink. Lifting weights, screeching music, pissed off people. Blink Blue skies, dusty paths, the smell of summer, serenity of my mind. Blink. An explosion, broken glass, stinging insults, more and more smoke. Blink. Smoke, fire, screaming, worrying, where is everybody? Blink. Searing pain, burnt flesh, screams - orders to get the hell out. Blink. Voices, voices, voices, mom, dad - where the hell is Ruth? Blink. Coughing, spluttering, tripping, falling, my room, the picture - GET OUT. Blink. Out the door, down the steps, coughing, questioning eyes, where is everyone? Blink. They are coming, they are coming, almost here - safety.

Blink. Our house ...

So many things can happen in a few seconds. A first kiss in the moonlight under the stars. Dying in old age, peacefully falling to sleep forever. An accident - whether it be a chance meeting that helps you find the love of your life or it be killing your friend while you are drunk and daon't know what you are doing - can happen in only a few seconds. And of course, there is the instance where one of what is somewhat an inherited family member holds a hungry flame, loses control of it, and burns down your home. But no one wants to play the blame game. Not here, not now where wwe all know that we have our own seperate issues to deal with. Besides - accidents happen and they are called accidents for a reason. No one means for them to happen but they do. No one means kill their best friend while they are drunk, but they do. No small child means to spill milk and make mess, but they do. No one means to kill their mother during birth, but they do. I did. Will I ever forgive myself? Will I ever forgive Arwen? Yes I will. Houses can be rebuilt, but people cannot - that makes my offense ten times worse. The phrase forgive and forget must not apply to yourself. I will never forgive. I will never forget.

The remains of my room are nothing but a few metal dumbells. My mattress is burned, my clothing and dresser are nothing but ash. My metal bedframe still stands, my stereo is melted and warped and doesn't work. All I have left really are the clothes I am wearing and a picture in my pocket. I'm hoping that Septimus has some extra blankets, or a mattress even, so that I'm not sleeping on the cold basement floor. But I'm doubting it - he blows everything he owns to bits. It's amazing how a disaster can bring everyone closer - or at least give everyone the strength to tolerate one another for awhile. I slide across the floors, or what is left of the floors, trying to stop my mind from spinning in circles. I think about going to see Ruth, wanting so badly to share a room with her, but know she is safe where she is. Lilith will take care of her, she always does. I pass Miss Aggie who is shuffling around, pretty much going insane. Maybe it's shock that makes everyone love eachother. Shock shatters the mind and causes it to think and feel crazy things. That must be it - I'm in shock.

I walk down the stairs to Sep's room, hoping that there isn't a hidden bomb somewhere. I've survived earlier today, I'm really hoping I can make it through the night. I twist the knob, still hoping there won't be an alarm or a motion sensor bomb or something as I step into the room. it's dark, damp, and has a musty smell with the tinge of fireworks. And I feel a draft - the window I kicked in earlier. If I had known I would have to sleep in here later, I never would've broken it.

Funny how some things come back to get you.