A girl with kaleidoscope eyes// {luke}
May 12, 2012 23:59:50 GMT -5
Post by laphae8ash on May 12, 2012 23:59:50 GMT -5
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Stale beer. He smelled just like the others. I hate that smell. Stumbling out of the dank alleyway adjusting the hem of my skirt and tucking the 50$ in the side of my bra, making sure it was secure as I kept my eyes on the ground. Searching it the cracks, the crevasses, the pebbles and mud...looking for something I'd never find. Roxie was fading away for the night and I was falling back into myself. Into Ary, the mother, the caretaker, the broken shell of a small little doll.
My skin crawled with the thoughts of the man's hands sliding down them, my knees raw from the concrete. The tears began welling up in my eyes. I hate the moments after. Where I realize just how miserable and low I am. Little I am worth. The only people who care about me are the Yearlings. That's what we call our little family. As I walk along the darkened streets my fingers tremble as I reach down into the top of my boot pulling out a small vile and taking out the two small pills inside.
None of them know. Not Jan. Not Gus. No one. Sometimes though I just need a way to cope, to push away the darkness that overtakes me. To help me finish the things I need to do to keep our family together...this is one of those times. Quickly I pop the pills into my mouth and swallow, waiting for the rush of the buzz to take over. The fuzziness that blurs reality, the smeared lines that make what I do okay.
Any other time I would've just coped, pushed one and crawled in to Jan's bed flooding a pillow with my tears...but not this time. This time it was just too much. The bruise on my cheek, the blood on my knees...I just don't know how much longer I can take this. December's face fills my thoughts and I want to get her a guitar so bad, the girl has so little to smile about. With her in my mind I start the 2 mile trek home.
Each step becomes a little lighter, a little blurrier, until I know I'm being set free. Tripping up the stares I turn the key to our home, trying to be as quiet as I can. The only light on is in the kitchen and I assume its just because someone forgot. Its not like there's much in there to snack on this late, and we're pretty good about rationing out the food. Curling up in the broken chair in the living room I try to let the drugs push me into a dreamless slumber. Jan would hate me when he finds me in the morning for not being in his room, but right now, it just didn't matter.